Have you ever found yourself judging someone based on their flaws, only to realize later that you missed seeing their good qualities? In a world where we’re quick to notice shortcomings, Sima Yi (司馬懿), a brilliant statesman and military strategist of ancient China, offers a refreshing perspective:
“If one focuses on others’ shortcomings, there will be no one in the world worthy of association; but if one looks at their strengths, everyone can be a teacher.”
Sima Yi was a towering figure of the Three Kingdoms period in Chinese history. Known for his brilliance as a statesman and military strategist, he served under three generations of Wei rulers—Cao Cao, Cao Pi, and Cao Rui. His simple yet profound insight encourages us to shift our focus from criticism to appreciation—a practice that can transform not only our relationships but also our outlook on life.
How This Wisdom Applies to Us Today
Let’s face it, we all navigate relationships daily—whether at work, with friends, or within our families. And let’s be honest, people can be frustrating! A colleague might miss a deadline, a friend might cancel plans last minute, or a family member might nag you endlessly. It’s easy to dwell on these shortcomings. But what if, instead, we made a conscious effort to notice their strengths?
That colleague might be a creative genius, your friend might have a generous heart, and your family member might only want the best for you. This small shift in perspective can turn frustration into appreciation and conflict into connection.
I know someone who has mastered this mindset. He’s one of those people who can walk into a room full of strangers and leave with everyone feeling uplifted. Curious about how he does it, I once asked him his secret. His response was striking:
“If one focuses on others’ shortcomings, there will be no one in the world worthy of association. But if one looks at their strengths, everyone can be a teacher.”
This principle is at the core of how he interacts with people, and it shapes his approach to life:
- Learning from those stronger than him: When he meets someone successful, he doesn’t feel intimidated or envious. Instead, he actively seeks to learn from them. Once, at a networking event, he struck up a conversation with a prominent entrepreneur. While most people kept their distance, he walked away with new insights and a potential mentor.
- Finding harmony with equals: In competitive environments, he doesn’t see peers as threats but as partners. By yielding a little when disagreements arise, he often finds ways to collaborate that benefit everyone involved.
- Helping those less capable: He’s quick to lend a hand to someone struggling. Whether it’s helping a colleague with a difficult task or mentoring a junior team member, his generosity earns him respect and trust.
- Respecting elders: He genuinely values the wisdom of those who’ve walked life’s path before him, always showing them gratitude and deference.
This approach to life isn’t just about being a “nice person.” It’s about creating opportunities for growth, connection, and happiness. When we focus on others’ strengths instead of their flaws, we:
- Build better relationships: People appreciate being valued for their good qualities.
- Learn and grow: Everyone has something to teach us, from practical skills to life lessons.
- Feel more positive: Seeing the good in others often helps us see the good in ourselves.
How to Practice Sima Yi’s Philosophy
Here’s how you can start applying this wisdom in your daily life:
- Pause before judging: The next time someone irritates you, take a moment to think about their strengths. What do they bring to the table?
- Ask questions: When you meet someone new, instead of focusing on surface-level impressions, ask about their experiences or skills. You might discover something inspiring.
- Be generous: Whether it’s a compliment, advice, or a helping hand, giving a little can create a lot of goodwill.
- Respect experience: Take time to listen to the stories of older generations. Their insights might surprise you.
Life is full of interactions, and every person you meet has a unique story, skill, or quality to offer. By shifting your perspective from criticism to appreciation, you’ll not only build stronger connections but also create a richer, more fulfilling life.
Sima Yi’s timeless wisdom reminds us that everyone we meet—whether a boss, a rival, or a stranger—can teach us something valuable. The next time you’re tempted to judge someone, ask yourself:
“What can I learn from this person?”
The answer might just change your life.
Peace LiLy 