Tag: relationship

Looking for Love? Two Very Good Reasons to Be Single

linda changLeave a comment

by Nanice Ellis

It is fairly easy to see that society defines us by our relationship status, with those being in committed relationships having more status than those who are single. Friends, family, culture, society, TV, and, even Facebook posts, all tell us that we should be part of a couple.

If I’m honest, I have to admit that I bought into this hook, line and sinker; from the age of fourteen on, there was always a guy in my life. Like most people, having a relationship was of utmost importance, and, as a result, I often compromised other areas of my life. If I wasn’t in some sort of relationship, I felt empty inside, which only reinforced the hunt for Mr. Right.


I was on a perpetual roller coaster ride of seeking, finding, questioning and ultimately, letting go. There was a great deal of heartache and pain on the downside of this endless relationship ride, resulting in two failed marriages, and I don’t know how many “dead-end” relationships.

Sacred Singlehood

Biologically, we need partnership in order to procreate and keep the species going, but with 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t believe this is still the motivation for “needing to be” in a relationship. If we are truthful, our drive to be in relationships is more about personal habit, societal pressure and, yes, the dreaded fear of being alone topping this list.

Many of us even stay in relationships, well past their expiration date, because we think that we won’t find someone “better” and because we are growing older, we are even more afraid to risk being alone.

About ten years ago, I did something I thought I would never do. After a tumultuous break-up, I made a conscious choice to be single. At first, it was quite difficult being single; my relationship-addicted mind still searched for potential partners, but the greater part of me said, “No, not now.” It took me about a year to make peace with being single but even longer to discover the treasures of what I have come to call “Sacred Singlehood.”

Now, this isn’t an advertisement to choose singlehood over couple-hood. I certainly don’t know what is best for anyone, other than myself, but, this is an invitation to give yourself permission to consider who you might be (or become) all by yourself – without a partner.

What if it was okay to be alone, and, at least, for a little while, you gave up the search?

Whether you are experiencing a break-up, thinking about ending a relationship, or searching for that new one, consider that the relationship that you most desire, and the one that can bring you the most joy and fulfillment is with yourself.

Maybe you want a good reason for being single; well, how about two?

Being Single: Reason #1

Become Empowered, Explore Opportunities and Create an Amazing Life!

If you go from being in a relationship to mourning the end of a relationship to looking for a new relationship, where is the time and space for self-exploration?

Having the courage to be single allows you to create sacred space where you get to know yourself and you become your own best friend; from this space of growing confidence and security, you can go past your comfort zone, explore new ideas, travel to interesting places, create masterpieces, develop spiritual connection, take care of your body and mind, and maybe, even heal or strengthen relationships with your children, siblings, parents or friends.

Imagine giving yourself the time and space for emotional, mental, physical and spiritual healing or alignment. This might mean healing beliefs that don’t support you, claiming your unconditional worth and stepping into your intrinsic power. How wise and powerful might you become on a solo journey?

I can’t tell you what would have unfolded in these past ten years, if I had been in a relationship, but, I can tell you that during these sacred years, I experienced tremendous personal growth, spiritual awakening and creative inspiration that resulted in the publishing of several books. As I uncovered who I really am, and I discovered my self-made place in the world, I fell in love with me. Equally as important, my relationship with each of children drastically improved; because there was no longer someone else in the mix trying to influence my radical parenting style, I was free to parent in my own unique way. For this reason alone, my choice to be single was phenomenal.

When you give yourself the gift of being single, it can be the most sacred experience of your life.

Being Single: Reason #2

Meet Your Soul Mate by becoming the perfect partner for your perfect partner.

What if you took the time to really get to know yourself in order to become the person who can attract your ideal mate? Consider that any partner that you attract before you grow into your best self is very different than the partner you will attract from your highest and best self. Mr. Right can’t show up, if you are not yet Ms. Right and vice versa.

Law of Attraction
Maybe we keep meeting the “wrong person” because we don’t measure up to our wants and desires in a partner. In other words, if you desire a partner who is open, honest and communicative, you must be open, honest and communicative. If you desire a partner who is in great shape, spontaneous and adventurous, you must be in great shape, spontaneous and adventurous.

In the quest for your perfect partner, you must be his/her perfect partner. This means that in order to attract your ideal mate, you must really know yourself and be true to your dreams and desires.

It is helpful to make a list of the qualities and attributes that you desire in a partner and rate yourself accordingly. If you don’t score high in each of those same qualities/attributes, according to the law of attraction, you are not yet a perfect match.

In order for the law of attraction to work in relationships, you must become that which you desire in another. Instead of jumping into a new relationship, imagine taking the time to develop these desired qualities and attributes, so that you can become the perfect partner for your perfect partner.

Heal Emotional Wounds
If you keep ending up in relationships where you feel abandoned, misunderstood or unappreciated, chances are, there are some emotional wounds that require healing. If you want to be in an emotionally healthy relationship, you must be emotionally healthy. Being single offers you the time and energy required to heal past wounds, allowing you to align with an emotionally healthy partner.

Afraid of Being Alone
I am going to guess that your perfect partner isn’t afraid of being alone, so, if you want to meet him/her, it is probably necessary to heal any fears of being alone – because, no doubt, you will attract potential partners who align with your fears. This means that if you are afraid of being alone, you will attract someone who is also afraid of being alone, or you will attract someone who will trigger your fear of being alone. If you do not want to attract a relationship based on this fear, it is essential that you fearlessly embrace singlehood.

Filling that Empty Space
Many of us desire a partner to fill the empty space, but it never works because the only one who can ever fill your empty space is you. Being single allows you the opportunity to find yourself and experience fulfillment. Once you fill that space with yourself, you will be a perfect match for a man/woman who is whole, conscious and empowered.

The Desire for Love
Okay, it’s normal to desire a relationship so that we feel loved, but, oftentimes, our relationships leave us feeling unloved. If you want to experience love in a relationship, it is important to take time alone in order to learn to love yourself unconditionally. Your unconditional self-love has the power to attract a partner who also loves him/herself unconditionally and together you can experience unconditional love for each other. This is the foundation for the loving relationship you seek.

Whether you are looking to find yourself or you are seeking a soul mate, being single may hold the answers.

The Point of Sacred Singlehood

The point of Sacred Singlehood is not to be single forever, unless that is what you choose, but, rather to become the highest version of you, who is emotionally secure, confident and free to express uninhibited authenticity, and, then, if you choose to share your life with another, you can attract your ideal partner, who is also consciously authentic, and together you can experience an enlightened paradigm of partnership that is truly amazing.

There is something so beautiful and transformative about being single, and, if I had missed it, I might have missed myself entirely. I am so grateful to my past self for making the courageous decision, and sticking to it.

Whatever your reasons to explore being single, Sacred Singlehood offers a Golden Opportunity where you can become the Real You and create the life you most desire.

About the Author:

As a Conscious Creation Coach since 1997, Nanice teaches mastery level manifestation skills, and, as a result, her powerful coaching style is often referred to as the “Nanice Effect.” Bridging the gap from imagination to realization, Nanice coaches people to live their true dreams. Nanice is the author of several inspirational books including, “Is There a White Elephant in Your Way? – a comprehensive guidebook to awakening and self-empowerment.” Sign up for Nanice’s Free 7 Part Awakening Series. To find out more, please visit www.Nanice.com.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2026/01/27/looking-for-love-two-very-good-reasons-to-be-single/

Source: https://www.beinghappybuddha.com/blogs/insights/looking-for-love-two-very-good-reasons-to-be-single

I Want to Love You

linda changLeave a comment

Virginia Satir’s Wisdom on Love and Relationships

I want to love you without clutching,
Appreciate you without judging,
Join you without invading,
Invite you without demanding,
Leave you without guilt,
Criticize you without blaming,
And help you without insulting.
If I can have the same from you,
then we can truly meet and enrich each other.

Virginia Satir, a trailblazer in family therapy, is celebrated for her profound understanding of human emotions and relationships. Her timeless poem I Want to Love You encapsulates the essence of love in tender, insightful language. Satir invites us to redefine love as not merely an emotional bond but an intentional practice rooted in respect, understanding, and wisdom. (Photo from Wikimedia commons)

Satir emphasized the importance of nurturing love that is healthy, respectful, and boundaries. Her work reveals that true love fosters connection, trust, and mutual growth. This approach provides a blueprint for enriching relationships, particularly within families and marriages, where deep emotional bonds often coexist with challenges.

Love in Parent-Child Relationships

Satir’s therapeutic approach frequently emphasized parenting as a delicate balance of nurturing and letting go. One of her core principles was the importance of validating children’s emotions and individuality.

She often used metaphors to illustrate her points. For instance, she likened parenting to tending a garden: “You water the seeds, but you cannot decide how each flower will bloom.” This philosophy highlights the role of parents in providing unconditional support during early childhood while allowing space for independence as the child matures.

A famous anecdote from her work involved a mother who struggled with her teenage daughter’s rebellion. Satir encouraged the mother to write a letter expressing her love without judgment. This simple act fostered a renewed connection, demonstrating how acknowledgment and respect can rebuild bonds.

Parenting, as Satir taught, is about cultivating trust and allowing children to flourish as autonomous individuals, experiencing love as a source of empowerment rather than control.

Cultivating Love in Marital Bonds

Satir believed that love in marriage thrives on mutual respect, clear communication, and intentional effort. She often used her Family Sculpting technique to help couples visualize the dynamics of their relationship. By arranging family members to represent emotional closeness and distance, couples could see the need for adjustments in their behavior.

For instance, Satir once worked with a couple where the wife felt unheard. By “sculpting” the wife seated with her back to the husband, the couple visualized their emotional disconnection. This powerful exercise led to a heartfelt conversation where both partners committed to active listening and mutual validation.

In practice, Satir advocated for specific behaviors to nurture marital love:

  • A wife can replace nagging with encouragement and complaints with collaboration, creating a foundation of trust and partnership.
  • A husband can demonstrate responsibility through actions rather than words, replacing criticism with appreciation and patience.

These small, intentional changes can transform the atmosphere of a marriage, fostering harmony and mutual growth.

In all relationships—whether between parents and children or spouses—Satir emphasized equality, respect, and tolerance. She taught that love devoid of attachment, judgment, or control becomes a source of profound warmth and harmony.

Satir’s work inspires us to approach love as a life-affirming practice, one that enriches our connections and empowers personal growth. Whether through her transformative therapy sessions or the tender verses of her poetry, she reminds us that love is not just an emotion but a lifelong commitment to nurturing ourselves and those around us.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/11/21/i-want-to-love-you/

The Healing Power of Forgiveness: Unlocking Peace with the REACH Method

linda changLeave a comment

In a world often torn apart by conflict and grievances, the importance of forgiveness cannot be overstated. The ability to release resentment and embrace reconciliation is a formidable tool for personal healing and societal harmony. In this blog post, we will explore the REACH Method—a powerful approach to forgiveness created by renowned clinical psychologist Everett Worthington. By delving into each step of the REACH Method—Recall, Empathize, Altruistic gift, Commit, and Hold onto forgiveness—we can learn how forgiveness, under the guidance of Worthington’s methodology, has the potential to bring about positive change, even in the most challenging circumstances.

Recall the Hurt:

The first step in the REACH Method is to Recall the Hurt. It involves acknowledging the pain caused by the wrongdoing. This step allows individuals to confront their emotions head-on and understand the impact of the offense. It’s crucial to remember that forgiving does not mean forgetting; rather, it is a conscious decision to release the grip of resentment.

Empathize with the Offender:

Empathy is a cornerstone of forgiveness. By putting ourselves in the shoes of the person who caused the hurt, we can gain insight into their motivations and struggles. Understanding that everyone is capable of making mistakes and causing harm helps humanize the offender, making forgiveness a more attainable goal. South Africa’s reconciliation process is a testament to the power of empathy in healing deep-seated wounds.

Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness:

The Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness involves recognizing our shared humanity. We all make mistakes and have hurt others at some point. Through the stages of guilt and gratitude, we come to understand the liberating power of forgiveness. This realization inspires us to give the gift of forgiveness to others, fostering a cycle of healing and compassion.

Commit Publicly to Forgive:

Public commitment adds a layer of accountability to the forgiveness process. By expressing forgiveness openly, whether through spoken words, a written letter, or a symbolic gesture, we solidify our commitment to letting go of resentment. This step not only aids personal healing but can also inspire others to embark on their journey of forgiveness.

Hold onto Forgiveness:

Holding onto forgiveness is a continuous process that requires resilience. Painful memories may resurface, but it’s crucial to distinguish them from harboring unforgiveness. The REACH Method acknowledges the challenges of maintaining forgiveness, offering guidance on navigating triggers and doubts. Understanding that forgiveness is a journey, not a destination, empowers individuals to persevere.

Benefits of Forgiveness:

Everett Worthington, with decades of experience studying forgiveness, highlights numerous benefits for the person who forgives. According to Worthington, the primary way forgiveness affects mental health is by lowering rumination—the constant replaying of negative events in our minds. This reduction in rumination leads to improved mental well-being and emotional health. Additionally, forgiveness has been linked to decreased stress, anxiety, and depression, contributing to an overall positive impact on one’s life.

As we navigate a world rife with conflicts, it’s essential to recognize the transformative power of forgiveness. The REACH Method, developed by clinical psychologist Everett Worthington, provides a structured approach to forgiving, offering a pathway to healing and reconciliation. Worthington’s decades of experience studying forgiveness underscore the profound impact it can have on individual and societal well-being.

Beyond personal benefits, forgiveness has the potential to reshape societies and bridge divides. Instead of responding to conflicts with weapons and troops, let us consider the humanity support that the REACH Method embodies—a powerful tool to address the root causes of strife and build a foundation for lasting peace.

By embracing forgiveness, we not only free ourselves from the burden of resentment but also pave the way for a more compassionate and harmonious world. As Everett Worthington aptly puts it, “There are a lot of benefits to the person who forgives.” Lowering rumination and improving mental health are just a few of the many rewards awaiting those who choose the path of forgiveness.

In a world hungry for healing and reconciliation, let us embrace the REACH Method and its transformative potential. Together, we can unlock the power of forgiveness and sow the seeds of peace for generations to come.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/02/22/the-healing-power-of-forgiveness-unlocking-peace-with-the-reach-method/

#Forgivness #Happiness #REACH #EverettWorthington

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/05/06/forgiveness-can-boost-happiness-improve-mental-health-how-to-start.html