During his tour of the United States, Mei Lanfang was awarded an honorary doctorate degree by Pomona College
In the history of modern Chinese opera, Mei Lanfang stands as an unexcelled monument. Renowned worldwide, his mastery of Peking Opera was a rare blend of supreme refinement and effortless grace, captivating audiences on both domestic and international stages.
As a master synthesist of Peking Opera, Grandmaster Mei founded the unique “Mei School” (Mei Pai) of performance. He boldly yet carefully revolutionized vocal techniques, spoken dialogue, dance movements, costuming, and makeup, elevating the Dan (female role) artistry to unprecedented heights. Traveling abroad to perform in Japan, the United States, and the Soviet Union, he showcased the enchanting elegance of traditional Chinese theater, taking the world by storm.
Yet, what truly commands the eternal admiration of generations is not merely his status as a titan of Chinese opera, but his personal character—a paragon of nobility, virtue, and moral guidance. His life was the ultimate testament to the phrase: “His art mirrored his soul; brilliant in craft, supreme in virtue.”
Among the many chapters of his life, one heartwarming story illustrates the profound depth of his character.
The Slander and the Silence
During the height of his fame, a reporter from a sensationalist tabloid sought to build a name for himself by publishing provocative and baseless attacks against Mei Lanfang. Aiming to generate public outrage and boost newspaper sales, the reporter repeatedly targeted the master.
Faced with malicious provocation, Master Mei remained completely silent and undisturbed.
Frustrated by the lack of reaction, the reporter grew increasingly aggressive, resorting to harsh insults and public humiliation. Surrounding friends, family, and disciples were furious, unable to stand by while the grandmaster’s honor was attacked. They prepared to confront the reporter, but Mei calmly restrained them, saying gently:
“Leave it be. Pay him no mind.”
Without fuel to feed the flames, the media spectacle eventually died down, vanishing into thin air.
Time passed, and fortune turned. The reporter fell into severe poverty and hardship. Desperate, rejected by everyone, and with nowhere left to turn, a thought suddenly crossed his mind:
Could he ask Mei Lanfang for help?
Filled with shame, guilt, and apprehension, he mustered every ounce of courage he had left and arrived at Mei’s doorstep. Upon learning of his visitor, Mei came out to greet him personally. Overwhelmed by remorse, the reporter immediately began reciting a deeply prepared apology, repenting for his past wrongdoings.
Mei gently interrupted him, his voice calm and soft:
“Say no more. What brings you here today?”
The reporter confessed his current plight—his poverty, his isolation, and his inability to secure assistance anywhere else.
Without a trace of bitterness, resentment, or judgment, Mei reached into his pocket and handed him 200 yuan—a generous sum at the time.
Shaken to his core by such extraordinary magnanimity, the reporter fell to his knees in tears. Mei simply helped him up gently and said quietly:
“Go on now.”
In a world driven by fame, self-interest, and grievances, choosing compassion over retaliation and offering a helping hand to someone who once sought your downfall requires a rare kind of nobility. Mei Lanfang practiced charity, generosity, tolerance, and strict self-discipline throughout his life.
On stage, he was an extraordinary genius who redefined an art form.
Off stage, he was a humble gentleman and a true master of life.
This profound grace—transcending personal pride and past grudges—is perhaps the true, timeless spirit behind the lasting brilliance of the Mei School of Peking Opera.
In a world often torn apart by conflict and grievances, the importance of forgiveness cannot be overstated. The ability to release resentment and embrace reconciliation is a formidable tool for personal healing and societal harmony. In this blog post, we will explore the REACH Method—a powerful approach to forgiveness created by renowned clinical psychologist Everett Worthington. By delving into each step of the REACH Method—Recall, Empathize, Altruistic gift, Commit, and Hold onto forgiveness—we can learn how forgiveness, under the guidance of Worthington’s methodology, has the potential to bring about positive change, even in the most challenging circumstances.
Recall the Hurt:
The first step in the REACH Method is to Recall the Hurt. It involves acknowledging the pain caused by the wrongdoing. This step allows individuals to confront their emotions head-on and understand the impact of the offense. It’s crucial to remember that forgiving does not mean forgetting; rather, it is a conscious decision to release the grip of resentment.
Empathize with the Offender:
Empathy is a cornerstone of forgiveness. By putting ourselves in the shoes of the person who caused the hurt, we can gain insight into their motivations and struggles. Understanding that everyone is capable of making mistakes and causing harm helps humanize the offender, making forgiveness a more attainable goal. South Africa’s reconciliation process is a testament to the power of empathy in healing deep-seated wounds.
Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness:
The Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness involves recognizing our shared humanity. We all make mistakes and have hurt others at some point. Through the stages of guilt and gratitude, we come to understand the liberating power of forgiveness. This realization inspires us to give the gift of forgiveness to others, fostering a cycle of healing and compassion.
Commit Publicly to Forgive:
Public commitment adds a layer of accountability to the forgiveness process. By expressing forgiveness openly, whether through spoken words, a written letter, or a symbolic gesture, we solidify our commitment to letting go of resentment. This step not only aids personal healing but can also inspire others to embark on their journey of forgiveness.
Hold onto Forgiveness:
Holding onto forgiveness is a continuous process that requires resilience. Painful memories may resurface, but it’s crucial to distinguish them from harboring unforgiveness. The REACH Method acknowledges the challenges of maintaining forgiveness, offering guidance on navigating triggers and doubts. Understanding that forgiveness is a journey, not a destination, empowers individuals to persevere.
Benefits of Forgiveness:
Everett Worthington, with decades of experience studying forgiveness, highlights numerous benefits for the person who forgives. According to Worthington, the primary way forgiveness affects mental health is by lowering rumination—the constant replaying of negative events in our minds. This reduction in rumination leads to improved mental well-being and emotional health. Additionally, forgiveness has been linked to decreased stress, anxiety, and depression, contributing to an overall positive impact on one’s life.
As we navigate a world rife with conflicts, it’s essential to recognize the transformative power of forgiveness. The REACH Method, developed by clinical psychologist Everett Worthington, provides a structured approach to forgiving, offering a pathway to healing and reconciliation. Worthington’s decades of experience studying forgiveness underscore the profound impact it can have on individual and societal well-being.
Beyond personal benefits, forgiveness has the potential to reshape societies and bridge divides. Instead of responding to conflicts with weapons and troops, let us consider the humanity support that the REACH Method embodies—a powerful tool to address the root causes of strife and build a foundation for lasting peace.
By embracing forgiveness, we not only free ourselves from the burden of resentment but also pave the way for a more compassionate and harmonious world. As Everett Worthington aptly puts it, “There are a lot of benefits to the person who forgives.” Lowering rumination and improving mental health are just a few of the many rewards awaiting those who choose the path of forgiveness.
In a world hungry for healing and reconciliation, let us embrace the REACH Method and its transformative potential. Together, we can unlock the power of forgiveness and sow the seeds of peace for generations to come.
Choosing forgiveness makes it easier to forget pain
A scientific study published on May 21, 2014, in the journal ‘Psychological Science’ found that people who choose to forgive are more likely to forget the details of past hurts. This is because the act of forgiveness triggers a mechanism that helps in forgetting painful memories.
Researchers from the University of St. Andrews in the United Kingdom had 30 participants read content describing various scenarios, including severe harm to others and theft. They then asked each participant to rate the extent of harm caused by each behavior and to consider how likely they would be to forgive the perpetrator if they were the victim.
Two weeks later, the same group of participants read the same content, but this time it was color-coded, with some portions in red and others in green. Researchers instructed participants to recall the content in green while avoiding thinking about the red portions.
Dr. Saima Noreen, the lead author of the paper, explained that participants who initially chose to “forgive” had difficulty recalling the details when they later tried to remember the events. In contrast, those who initially chose “not to forgive,” even when instructed not to recall the details during the experiment, still had vivid memories.
The research findings suggest that when people make the decision to “forgive,” the brain activates a forgetting mechanism that helps them forget painful memories that were once detrimental to them. While achieving true forgiveness may still be challenging at times, simply choosing forgiveness can make it easier to forget those memories.
Dr. Noreen stated, “The relationship between forgiveness and forgetting is bidirectional and becomes more complex over time. Over the long term, we have known that forgiving others has positive effects on personal health.”
The Lifelong Disasters of Unforgiveness
In recent years, researchers have conducted numerous experiments to explore the relationship between ‘forgiveness’ and health. They have discovered that forgiveness, as a psychological activity, can improve cardiovascular function, reduce chronic pain, alleviate stress, and enhance the quality of life. It is indeed a potent remedy for maintaining good health.
On the other hand, individuals who harbor unresolved conflicts and refuse to forgive often experience constant psychological tension. The inner turmoil, when left unresolved, can lead to heightened brain and nervous system activity. This can result in nervous tension, blood vessel constriction, elevated blood pressure, gastrointestinal spasms, and inhibited digestive secretions, thereby increasing the risk of heart disease, mental health issues, and other ailments.
Practical life experiences have also demonstrated that individuals who react impulsively and are unable to forgive others tend to escalate minor issues into major conflicts, intensifying contradictions, and causing long-term consequences for themselves.”
In the book Midnight Conversations in Medicine （醫山夜話）compiled from real-life cases, the chapter titled “Financial Ruin Caused by Unforgiveness” narrates the life catastrophe resulting from “unforgiveness.”
In the story, the patient’s name is Rui, who sought treatment at a Traditional Chinese Medicine clinic for Parkinson’s Disease. In Chinese medicine, Parkinson’s Disease is referred to as “tremor paralysis.” Rui had been suffering from this condition for nearly three years, experiencing tremors in both of her hands. She often struggled to eat because of her severe tremors, with her food falling to the ground before reaching her mouth. After a period of treatment with traditional Chinese medicine, her condition showed little improvement, with symptoms frequently recurring. Perplexed, the Chinese medicine practitioner inquired about her life, leading Rui to recount the events that had unfolded:
“My husband and I run a container shipping company for ships. We own a villa on an island, sharing a private road with our neighbors. On the island, it’s just our two families. Due to the poor condition of the road, we proposed that both families contribute money to repair it. However, our neighbors opposed the idea, so we had to foot the bill for repairs ourselves. Unfortunately, the workers we hired were careless and dumped the road repair stones in the middle of the road, causing inconvenience to our neighbors’ traffic. They suspected that we did this out of spite and sealed off a gate that belonged to their property but was more convenient and closer to our home. This meant that we had to take a much longer route to get home.
“My husband, in his anger, turned off the main water valve. We had installed the water system first, and to save money, they connected their water supply from ours. Turning off the valve cut off their water source. This infuriated them, and they retaliated by pouring cement and piling stones on our driveway, completely blocking our way home. And so, over a mere 2,000 yuan road repair cost, we became bitter enemies. What’s even more unbearable is that both sides hired lawyers, and this legal dispute has been going on for nearly three years, costing us a whopping 2 million yuan in legal fees. During these three years, we couldn’t go home, and they couldn’t live there either. Now our conflict has escalated to a life-and-death struggle. The house cannot be sold due to the unresolved lawsuit, it’s uninhabitable, and it needs repairs…”
As Rui continued her narrative, she became increasingly emotional, her hands trembling, her face turning red, and her emotions nearly reaching the breaking point. The Chinese medicine practitioner realized the underlying cause of her recurring illness was rooted in her inability to forgive.
Psychologists have found that when people can view conflicts from the other person’s perspective, there are significant physiological changes. Both heart rate and blood pressure decrease, there is less frowning, and skin conductance (a measure of sympathetic nervous system activity) also decreases – all of which are good indicators of the sympathetic nervous system functioning.
Religions also emphasize the practice of forgiveness. In Christianity, it is taught that forgiveness towards others is essential for God to forgive one’s own sins. Buddhism, on the other hand, encourages a comprehensive approach to forgiveness. In the core process of self-cultivation, true Buddhist practitioners are guided to embrace the Four Limitless States of Mind, which encompass virtues such as Equanimity, Loving Kindness, Compassion, and Sympathetic Joy.
A profound illustration of forgiveness is exemplified by the contemporary Buddha, H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III,. One of His Holiness’ disciples, Hongxi Fazang, engaged in numerous defamatory actions against H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, through social media and within Buddhist temples. Later, he came to realize the gravity of his actions and was overwhelmed with remorse. Desiring to return to the guidance of the Buddha Master, he sought reconciliation.
Remarkably, the profoundly compassionate Buddha welcomed him back as a disciple with the same love and teachings as before. When other disciples found it hard to believe Hongxi Fazang’s return, His Holiness simply said, “If I don’t forgive him, who can?” The following video showcases Hongxi Fazang’s heartfelt repentance and deep gratitude towards H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, at the Holy Miracle Temple.
