Tag: Love

The Longest Study on Human Happiness

linda changLeave a comment

The Secret to Having a Long and Happy Life

For over 75 years, Harvard’s Grant and Glueck study has tracked the physical and emotional well-being of two populations: 456 poor men growing up in Boston from 1939 to 2014 (the Grant Study), and 268 male graduates from Harvard’s classes of 1939-1944 (the Glueck study).

Due to the length of the research period, this has required multiple generations of researchers. Since before WWII, they’ve diligently analyzed blood samples, conducted brain scans (once they became available), and pored over self-reported surveys, as well as actual interactions with these men, to compile the findings.

The conclusion? According to Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one thing surpasses all the rest in terms of importance:

“The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”

Not how much is in your 401(k). Not how many conferences you spoke at–or keynoted. Not how many blog posts you wrote or how many followers you had or how many tech companies you worked for or how much power you wielded there or how much you vested at each.

No, the biggest predictor of your happiness and fulfillment overall in life is, basically, love.

Specifically, the study demonstrates that having someone to rely on helps your nervous system relax, helps your brain stay healthier for longer, and reduces both emotional as well as physical pain.

The data is also very clear that those who feel lonely are more likely to see their physical health decline earlier and die younger.

“It’s not just the number of friends you have, and it’s not whether or not you’re in a committed relationship,” says Waldinger. “It’s the quality of your close relationships that matters.”

What that means is this: It doesn’t matter whether you have a huge group of friends and go out every weekend or if you’re in a “perfect” romantic relationship (as if those exist). It’s the quality of the relationships–how much vulnerability and depth exists within them; how safe you feel sharing with one another; the extent to which you can relax and be seen for who you truly are, and truly see another.

According to George Vaillant, the Harvard psychiatrist who directed the study from 1972 to 2004, there are two foundational elements to this: “One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.”

“When the study began, nobody cared about empathy or attachment. But the key to healthy aging is relationships, relationships, relationships. ” — George Vaillant

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Thus, if you’ve found love (in the form of a relationship, let’s say) but you undergo a trauma like losing a job, losing a parent, or losing a child, and you don’t deal with that trauma, you could end up “coping” in a way that pushes love away.

This is a very good reminder to prioritize not only connection but your own capacity to process emotions and stress. If you’re struggling, get a good therapist. Join a support group. Invest in a workshop. Get a grief counselor. Take personal growth seriously so you are available for connection.

Because the data is clear that, in the end, you could have all the money you’ve ever wanted, a successful career, and be in good physical health, but without loving relationships, you won’t be happy.

The next time you’re scrolling through Facebook instead of being present at the table with your significant other, or you’re considering staying late at the office instead of getting together with your close friend, or you catch yourself working on a Saturday instead of going to the farmer’s market with your sister, consider making a different choice.

“Relationships are messy and they’re complicated,” acknowledges Waldinger. But he’s adamant in his research-backed assessment:

“The good life is built with good relationships.”

The Secret to Having a Long and Happy Life

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2023/08/18/the-longest-study-on-human-happiness/

#Harvard#HumanResearch#AdultDevelopment #Happy #healthy #Longlife #Relationship #Love #LongestStudy

Source: https://www.inc.com/melanie-curtin/want-a-life-of-fulfillment-a-75-year-harvard-study-says-to-prioritize-this-one-t.html

What Men Live by?

linda changLeave a comment

Photo by Mario Wallner on Pexels.com

Once upon a time, in a small village nestled amidst rolling hills and verdant fields, lived a humble shoemaker named Michael. Despite his meager existence, Michael was known throughout the village for his kindness and compassion.

One bitterly cold winter’s night, as the village lay shrouded in a thick blanket of snow, a weary traveler knocked on Michael’s door seeking refuge. The traveler, unbeknownst to Michael, was none other than an angel sent to test the hearts of men.

Moved by the traveler’s plight, Michael invited him into his modest home, offering him a warm fire and a hot meal. Oblivious to the angel’s celestial nature, Michael treated him with the utmost care and kindness, tending to his needs as if he were a cherished guest.

As the night wore on, the angel observed Michael’s selfless actions with great interest. He could not help but be touched by the shoemaker’s genuine love and generosity, a love that surpassed the boundaries of wealth and social standing.

Days turned into weeks, and the angel continued to reside with Michael, secretly observing the shoemaker’s interactions with his family, friends, and neighbors. He witnessed how Michael tirelessly toiled to provide for his loved ones, how he shared whatever he had with those less fortunate, and how he spread warmth and kindness wherever he went.

One fateful day, the angel revealed his true identity to Michael. Overwhelmed with awe and wonder, Michael fell to his knees, humbled by the realization that he had unknowingly saved an angel. “Why did you choose me?” Michael asked in astonishment.

The angel smiled warmly and replied, “It was your love, Michael. Your love for your fellow beings and your unwavering kindness touched the depths of my heart. Through your actions, you have shown me what it means to truly live.”

In that moment, Michael understood the profound truth that Tolstoy had sought to convey. Love was the ultimate purpose of life, the force that breathed meaning into our existence. It was love that transcended social barriers, that connected souls, and that had the power to transform the world.

From that day forward, Michael’s love and compassion only grew stronger. He became a guiding light in the village, inspiring others to embrace love and kindness as the guiding principles of their lives.

The echoes of Michael’s love spread throughout the village, reaching the ears of a wealthy man named Simon. Simon, consumed by his own greed and selfishness, felt a profound emptiness within his soul. Touched by the stories of Michael’s love, he yearned to experience that same sense of fulfillment.

With a heavy heart, Simon approached Michael, seeking guidance and redemption. Recognizing the sincerity in Simon’s plea, Michael embraced him with open arms, teaching him the ways of love and compassion. In time, Simon’s heart softened, and he too began to live a life driven by love and selflessness.

Meanwhile, in a neighboring village, a woman named Matryona lived in seclusion, her heart burdened by the loss of her family. But one fateful day, as Matryona journeyed through the forest, she stumbled upon two orphaned girls on the brink of despair. Driven by a surge of love and empathy, Matryona took the girls under her wing, offering them shelter, care, and a mother’s love.

As the seasons passed, the village flourished under the influence of love. Acts of kindness became the norm, and the air was filled with warmth and harmony. The transformative power of love had woven its magic, creating a tapestry of compassion that embraced every soul in the village.

And so, the tale of Michael, Simon, and Matryona became legendary, passed down through generations as a testament to the profound truth that Tolstoy had so eloquently expressed. Love, the essence of life, had indeed triumphed, illuminating the path to a more beautiful and harmonious world.

What Men Live By

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2023/07/06/what-wen-live-by/

Source: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/6157/6157-h/6157-h.htm

Facing the Truth: Life is Difficult

linda changLeave a comment

Facing the Truth: Life is Difficult

Recently, my two college-aged sons have been expressing that they find life to be difficult. In an effort to provide them with guidance and support, I have been offering them spiritual advice and emotional support. While searching for resources to assist in this endeavor, I stumbled upon the profound and enlightening book, The Road Less Traveled, by Scott Peck. The insights and philosophy presented within the book have been incredibly inspiring and beneficial in helping me to support my sons in their journey.

The Road Less Traveled is a self-help book by American psychiatrist and author Scott Peck, first published in 1978. The book has had a significant impact, selling millions of copies and remaining on the New York Times bestseller list for more than ten years. One of the main themes of the book is the concept of the four disciplines: psychiatry, psychology, religion, and philosophy. Each discipline offers unique perspectives on how to navigate the challenges of life and achieve personal growth.

The book’s central message is that life is difficult, but that this difficulty can be transcended by understanding and accepting it. Peck argues that discipline is the basic tool we need to solve life’s problems, and that with enough discipline we can solve all problems. Additionally, the book explores themes of love, relationships, parenting, and self-discovery, as well as teaching about distinguishing dependency from love and how to become one’s true self.

Life is a series of problems. It is something that we all must face and deal with on a daily basis. Some of these problems may be small and easily solved, while others may be more complex and difficult to overcome. The question we must ask ourselves is: do we want to moan about these problems or do we want to solve them?

As adults, we have the power to choose how we react to life’s problems. We can choose to bemoan our difficulties and wallow in our troubles, or we can choose to take action and find solutions. The latter approach is far more productive and will ultimately lead to greater satisfaction and fulfillment in life.

In addition to making this choice for ourselves, it is also important to teach our children to solve problems in a similar manner. As parents, we have a responsibility to guide and teach our children, helping them to develop the skills and mindset needed to overcome the challenges that life will inevitably present to them.

One of the most important tools we have for solving life’s problems is discipline. Without discipline, we will not be able to effectively tackle the issues that we face. With only some discipline, we may be able to solve only some problems, but with total discipline, we can solve all problems. Discipline is the key to success in any endeavor. It allows us to focus our minds and efforts, to set goals and make plans, and to persist in the face of adversity.

It is important to note that problems do not go away on their own. They must be worked through and dealt with, otherwise they will remain forever, acting as a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit. It is essential that we learn to face and overcome problems, rather than avoiding or ignoring them.

One way to do this is by learning to Delay Gratification. By scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in a way that we deal with pain first and get it over with, it allows us to enhance the pleasure we gain from it. This is the only decent way to live. With discipline, we can solve most of the problems, and delay gratification is a process that can help us to get through the most difficult moments.

Peck also emphasizes the importance of Love and Community in personal growth. He argues that true love is not just an emotional state, but also an action, and that it requires a commitment to growth and self-discipline. He also stresses the importance of community, stating that “the love of community is the only true love.”

I have also found out in Buddhism, love has a deeper meaning that goes beyond romantic or familial feelings. It encompasses compassion and the belief in treating all beings as if they were our own relatives or parents. In What is Cultivation by H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, says: “Loving-kindness: At all times, through the actions of my three karmas, I am loving and kind toward all living beings, who have been my parents. I wish them a long life without illness, good fortune, good luck, and a happy life. ” This means that at all times, through all our actions, thoughts, and words, we should strive to be loving and kind towards all living beings, recognizing that they have been our parents in past lives. This belief is expressed through the wish for all beings to have a long life free from illness, good fortune, good luck, and happiness. This unconditional love can have a positive impact on individuals who are facing challenges and difficulties in their lives.

Everyone must face and deal with the challenges and difficulties in life. Moaning about them or solving them, it’s a choice we make, and the latter can lead to greater satisfaction and fulfillment in life. Teaching our children to solve problems in a similar manner and helping them to develop the discipline and tools needed, that could be in religions or philosophy or psychology, to succeed in life is an essential responsibility of parenthood.

Facing the Truth: Life is Difficult

Link: http://What is Cultivation by H.H.Dorje Chang Buddha III

#TheRoadLessTraveled#ScottPeck#Discipline#Love#Compassion#Philosophy#DelayGratification#Religions#Phsycology#Truth#Discipline#WhatisCultivation #H.H.DorjeChangBuddhaIII