The Lesson of the Apple: How a Mother’s Words Shape a Child’s Life

“A mother’s words can build a child—or break one.”

Recently, while reading a Chinese book on child education, I came across a story that deeply touched my heart. It perfectly illustrates how a mother’s attitude and behavior can influence a child’s entire life. I’d love to share this story with all mothers, as a gentle reminder of the quiet power we hold in shaping our children’s hearts and minds.


🍏 Two Letters, Two Lives

A famous American psychologist once conducted a fascinating study on the lifelong effects of early education. He selected 50 successful people from various fields—leaders, professionals, innovators—and 50 people with criminal records. He wrote to each of them, asking the same question:

“What influence did your mother have on you?”

Two of the replies left a lasting impression on him.
One came from a prominent White House official, the other from a prison inmate.
Surprisingly, both men spoke about the same childhood memory—their mother dividing apples.


🍎 The Prisoner’s Story: The Day He Learned to Lie

The prisoner wrote:

“When I was a child, my mother once brought home several apples—red, green, big, and small.
I immediately wanted the biggest, reddest one. Before I could speak, my little brother shouted, ‘I want the big one!’

My mother frowned and scolded him: ‘A good boy should learn to give the best to others.’

I quickly changed my words and said, ‘Mom, I’ll take the smallest one. Let my brother have the big one.’

My mother smiled proudly, kissed me on the cheek, and rewarded me with the biggest, reddest apple.”

He ended his letter with heartbreakingly honest words:

“That day, I learned that lying could bring rewards.
Later, I learned to cheat, to steal, to fight—anything to get what I wanted.
Today, I am in prison because of the lesson I learned that day.”

🍏 The White House Official’s Story: The Value of Effort

The second letter came from a White House official:

“When I was young, my mother brought home several apples, all different sizes. My brothers and I argued over who would get the biggest one.

Mother held up the largest apple and said, ‘Everyone wants the best, and that’s normal. So let’s have a little contest: I’ll divide the lawn into three sections. Whoever trims their section the fastest and neatest gets the big apple.’

We raced to finish, and I won the apple.”

He continued:

“From that day on, my mother taught us this simple but powerful truth:
If you want the best, you must earn it.

Everything good in our home had to be earned through effort and fairness. She lived by this principle herself. That’s how I learned discipline, persistence, and integrity—lessons that shaped my entire life.”

🌱 A Mother’s Words Are Seeds in a Child’s Heart

Both mothers divided apples.
Both children learned a lesson.
But one learned deception—while the other learned effort.

A mother’s reaction in a single moment, her tone of voice, or even a casual reward can plant seeds deep in a child’s heart.
Those seeds may grow into honesty and strength—or into cunning and selfishness.

Children mirror their mothers.
The way a mother faces life—whether with truth or pretense, effort or avoidance—becomes the way her child faces the world.

Education doesn’t always happen in grand lessons or classrooms.
Sometimes, it happens in small, everyday choices—like how we divide an apple, handle conflict, or teach fairness.

A wise mother uses love and insight to guide her child to understand that:

  • Honesty is more precious than cunning,
  • Effort is more reliable than shortcuts,
  • Sharing brings deeper joy than possessing.

These values, taught through simple acts, become the foundation of a child’s character.

Photo by Ivan Samkov on Pexels.com

A mother’s way of teaching doesn’t just shape a child’s childhood—it molds their destiny.
Every look, every word, every reaction writes silently into a child’s heart the story of who they will become.

May all mothers guide their children with both love and wisdom,
so that the lessons we leave behind are those of kindness, courage, and truth.

Because sometimes, all it takes is one apple—and one mother’s choice—to change a life forever.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/10/27/the-lesson-of-the-apple-how-a-mothers-words-shape-a-childs-life/

Raising Successful Kids

I’ve studied over 200 kids—here are 6 ‘magic phrases’ that make children listen to their parents

Reem Raouda, Contributor Published Sun, Aug 31 20259:35 AM EDT

d3sign | Getty

Parents are constantly searching for ways to get their kids to listen. But a lot of us focus too much on trying to get them to obey in the moment, rather than building genuine long-term cooperation.

I’ve studied over 200 parent-child relationships, and I’m a mother myself. I’ve learned that kids listen best when they feel connected. A big part of that is emotional safety: knowing they are respected and have the freedom to express their feelings.

Here are six magic phrases that calm a child’s nervous system and make cooperation feel natural, which is the real secret to getting them to listen.

1. ‘I believe you.’

The moment kids feel doubted (“Did you really mean to do that?”), their defenses go up. They shift from connection into self-protection.

Belief defuses shame and creates safety. When a child feels safe, they can actually hear you.

Example:

Child: “I didn’t spill the juice on purpose!”

Parent: “I believe you. Let’s clean it up together.”

You’re addressing the behavior without getting into an argument.

2. ‘Let’s figure this out together.’

The situation often turns into a standoff when there’s a parent just barking orders. But when kids help solve the problem, they’re more likely to stick to the solution.

Example:

Child refuses to clean up toys.

Parent: “I see you don’t want to clean everything now. Let’s figure this out together. What’s the first step?”

You’re still holding the boundary while preventing power struggles.

3. ‘You can feel this. I’m right here.’

When kids are overwhelmed, they’re in survival mode and logic doesn’t land. Their nervous system is in fight-or-flight, and they need help regulating their emotions. This phrase validates their feelings and assures them they’re not alone, which helps them reset.

Example:

Preschooler has a meltdown when their tower of blocks fall. Instead of “Stop crying, you’re overreacting,” say: “You can feel this. I’m right here.”

You’re letting the wave of emotions pass until they’re ready to re-engage.

4. ‘I’m listening. Tell me what’s going on.’

Before a child will listen to you, they need to feel heard. This simple shift of giving attention before demanding it dissolves resistance. When kids feel understood, they stop trying to push back.

Example:

Child: “I’m never playing with my brother again!”

Parent: “I’m listening. Tell me what’s going on.”

Now you’re uncovering the deeper hurt behind the anger, and that’s the part you can address to help repair both the relationship and the behavior.

5. ‘I hear you. I’m on your side.’

Many meltdowns escalate because kids feel misunderstood or in conflict with the very person they need most. This phrase instantly shifts you from adversary to ally, lowering defenses and opening the door to problem-solving.

Example:

Child: “This homework is stupid! I’m not doing it.”

Parent: “I hear you. I’m on your side. Let’s find a way to make this easier.”

Knowing you’re there to help changes the tone entirely. They’ll be far more likely to meet you halfway.

6. ‘I’ve got you, no matter what.’

Mistakes can trigger shame. But when kids hear this phrase, they learn that love isn’t conditional on performance or perfection.

Example:

Your child breaks a classmate’s project and calls you in tears.

Instead of lecturing, you say: “I’ve got you, no matter what. We’ll make it right together.”

That’s the difference between fear-based compliance and real accountability.  

I always tell parents that if their default is yelling or threatening, then no “magic phrase” will undo the deeper pattern. But when you regularly protect your child’s dignity, make them feel safe, and follow through on boundaries, listening becomes the natural outcome.

Source: https://www.cnbc.com/2025/08/31/child-psychologist-parents-who-raise-kids-who-listen-use-6-magic-phrases.html

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/09/10/raising-successful-kids/

Thirty Million Words: How a Parent’s Voice Shapes a Child’s Future

“Imagine a child’s brain as a garden. Every word you speak is like a drop of water nurturing growth.”

One cold winter morning in 1995 at a Chicago hospital, Dr. Dana Suskind, a cochlear implant surgeon, held the small hand of a boy who had just undergone surgery. Technically, the boy could now hear. Yet weeks passed, and he still didn’t speak a word. Dr. Suskind wondered—what was missing? She discovered that while technology could restore hearing, it could not replace something even more vital: the daily language environment a child grows up in. Without rich and loving conversation, the boy’s world remained silent in a deeper sense.

This experience led Dr. Suskind to research the profound role parents play in shaping their children’s language and cognitive development. She founded the Thirty Million Words (TMW) initiative, inspired by a groundbreaking 1995 study by child development researchers Betty Hart and Todd Risley. Hart and Risley discovered a striking reality: by the age of three, children from higher-income families had heard about thirty million more words than children from lower-income families.

From birth to age three, a child’s brain forms 1 million neural connections every second. Every conversation is brain-building—especially when it’s warm, eye-to-eye, and responsive.

Quantity matters—more words create more neural connections.

Quality matters more—it’s not just talking to a child, but engaging with them in responsive conversations.

Children who heard more words also experienced more encouraging interactions, richer vocabulary, and emotionally supportive tones from their parents. Meanwhile, children who heard fewer words were often exposed to more negative or directive language (“Stop that!” “Don’t do this!”) and fewer warm, conversational exchanges. By the time these children entered school, the gap had already set the stage for differences in learning, confidence, and future opportunities.

Dr. Suskind’s TMW initiative encourages parents to intentionally fill their children’s early years with abundant, meaningful, and loving conversation. She emphasizes the Three T’s:

  1. Tune In – Notice what your child is focused on and talk about it.
  2. Talk More – Use a rich variety of words to describe, explain, and explore the world together.
  3. Take Turns – Engage in back-and-forth conversation, even before your child can speak words.

For example:

  • Instead of saying, “Don’t touch that!” try: “That’s sharp, sweetie. Let’s find something safer to play with.”
  • Instead of a quick “Good job,” you might say: “I love how you stacked those blocks so high! You worked so carefully.”
  • During a walk, point to things you see—“Look at that big red leaf!”—and let your child respond, even with just a gesture or sound.

But there’s another crucial element—how you speak. A gentle tone, warm facial expressions, and genuine interest create an emotional space where a child feels safe and valued. Neuroscience shows that when a child feels emotionally secure, their brain is more receptive to learning and language development.

Dr. Suskind’s work reminds us that parents are a child’s first and most influential teachers—not because of expensive toys or formal lessons, but because of the warmth, curiosity, and attention they share through conversation.

You don’t need a degree or a script. Your voice, attention, and curiosity are enough. Whether in the supermarket, on a walk, or during bedtime, every exchange plants seeds for your child’s future thinking, confidence, and empathy.

The goal isn’t to force constant chatter but to weave language naturally into your shared life—reading together before bed, singing songs in the car, talking about the day while cooking dinner. Over time, these small, daily moments accumulate into millions of words, building both vocabulary and a deep sense of connection.

The Thirty Million Words message is clear: Every word you speak to your child is a gift that shapes their mind and heart.

Because one day, those little ears won’t just remember the words you spoke—they’ll carry the mindset, resilience, and love you planted with them.

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2025/08/14/thirty-million-words-how-a-parents-voice-shapes-a-childs-future/