In all the world there is no one else exactly like me.
Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I choose it…
I own everything about me, my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions whether they be to others or to myself
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears
I own all of my triumphs and successes, all of my failures and mistakes because I own all of me.
I become intimately acquainted with me by so doing, I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me and other aspects I do not know…
but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me…
however I look and sound whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me
if later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turned out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting and keep the rest and invent something new for that which is I discard
I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do.
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me…
I own me and therefore I can engineer me
I am me and I AM OKAY.
Satir’s beautiful and empowering poem “I Am Me” encapsulates her core belief in self-worth and individuality. Its heartfelt lines inspire readers to embrace their authentic selves, fostering inner peace and self-acceptance. Through her words, Satir invites us to celebrate who we truly are, reminding us that personal growth is both possible and transformative.
I want to love you without clutching, Appreciate you without judging, Join you without invading, Invite you without demanding, Leave you without guilt, Criticize you without blaming, And help you without insulting. If I can have the same from you, then we can truly meet and enrich each other.
Virginia Satir, a trailblazer in family therapy, is celebrated for her profound understanding of human emotions and relationships. Her timeless poem I Want to Love You encapsulates the essence of love in tender, insightful language. Satir invites us to redefine love as not merely an emotional bond but an intentional practice rooted in respect, understanding, and wisdom. (Photo from Wikimedia commons)
Satir emphasized the importance of nurturing love that is healthy, respectful, and boundaries. Her work reveals that true love fosters connection, trust, and mutual growth. This approach provides a blueprint for enriching relationships, particularly within families and marriages, where deep emotional bonds often coexist with challenges.
Love in Parent-Child Relationships
Satir’s therapeutic approach frequently emphasized parenting as a delicate balance of nurturing and letting go. One of her core principles was the importance of validating children’s emotions and individuality.
She often used metaphors to illustrate her points. For instance, she likened parenting to tending a garden: “You water the seeds, but you cannot decide how each flower will bloom.” This philosophy highlights the role of parents in providing unconditional support during early childhood while allowing space for independence as the child matures.
A famous anecdote from her work involved a mother who struggled with her teenage daughter’s rebellion. Satir encouraged the mother to write a letter expressing her love without judgment. This simple act fostered a renewed connection, demonstrating how acknowledgment and respect can rebuild bonds.
Parenting, as Satir taught, is about cultivating trust and allowing children to flourish as autonomous individuals, experiencing love as a source of empowerment rather than control.
Cultivating Love in Marital Bonds
Satir believed that love in marriage thrives on mutual respect, clear communication, and intentional effort. She often used her Family Sculpting technique to help couples visualize the dynamics of their relationship. By arranging family members to represent emotional closeness and distance, couples could see the need for adjustments in their behavior.
For instance, Satir once worked with a couple where the wife felt unheard. By “sculpting” the wife seated with her back to the husband, the couple visualized their emotional disconnection. This powerful exercise led to a heartfelt conversation where both partners committed to active listening and mutual validation.
In practice, Satir advocated for specific behaviors to nurture marital love:
A wife can replace nagging with encouragement and complaints with collaboration, creating a foundation of trust and partnership.
A husband can demonstrate responsibility through actions rather than words, replacing criticism with appreciation and patience.
These small, intentional changes can transform the atmosphere of a marriage, fostering harmony and mutual growth.
In all relationships—whether between parents and children or spouses—Satir emphasized equality, respect, and tolerance. She taught that love devoid of attachment, judgment, or control becomes a source of profound warmth and harmony.
Satir’s work inspires us to approach love as a life-affirming practice, one that enriches our connections and empowers personal growth. Whether through her transformative therapy sessions or the tender verses of her poetry, she reminds us that love is not just an emotion but a lifelong commitment to nurturing ourselves and those around us.
Virginia Satir (1916–1988) was a trailblazer in the field of family therapy, earning worldwide recognition as a distinguished psychotherapist and one of America’s most influential family therapists. Dubbed “everybody’s family therapist” by Human Behavior magazine, Satir devoted her life to uncovering the complexities of human relationships and exploring the essence of what it means to be human. Her groundbreaking principles for fostering effective family communication continue to be revered and applied by professionals across the globe.
Satir’s legacy extends beyond therapy rooms. Her poetic insights capture the depth of her understanding of human nature and emotions. One of her most touching poems, “When I Am Strong Enough Inside,” serves as a mirror reflecting our inner strength and vulnerability. These verses remind us that the negative voices within us can often overshadow our resilience. However, by engaging with empowering words like hers, we can nurture psychological flexibility and cultivate a more compassionate perspective toward ourselves and others. Here is an excerpt from her poem that encapsulates her profound messag.
When I Am Strong Enough Inside
When I’m strong enough inside, You blame me, I feel your pain; You flatter me, I see you need approval; You’re crazy, I understand your vulnerability and fear; You interrupt, I know how much you want to be seen.
When I’m strong enough inside, I no longer defend, All the forces, Free flow between us. Grievance, depression, guilt, sadness, anger, pain, When they flow freely. I feel warm in sorrow, Find strength in anger, See hope in pain.
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When I’m strong enough inside, I will not attack. I know, When I stop hurting myself, Then no one can hurt me. I lay down my arms, Open heart, When my heart softens, In love and compassion, Meet you bright and warm.
Originally, let the heart strong, All I need is, Seeing myself, Accept what I can’t do, Appreciate what I’ve done. And believe, Through this journey, Can live out their own, bloom their own.
In these lines, Satir masterfully conveys her belief in the transformative power of understanding the reasons behind others’ actions. Instead of reacting with judgment, she calls on us to see the humanity in others, even when their behavior is challenging.
Her poem continues with a heartfelt reminder that by releasing our own emotions—be it anger, sadness, or guilt—we can uncover strength, warmth, and hope. She encourages us to let go of self-defensiveness, to embrace compassion, and to see ourselves and others with clarity and acceptance.
When I encountered this poem, I was struck by Satir’s tender view of humanity. It eloquently sheds light on behaviors we often judge harshly—blaming, seeking approval, over-rationalizing, or interrupting. Yet, rather than condemning these actions, she invites us to see the vulnerability and pain behind them. This perspective challenged me to think: if my heart were stronger, if I could move beyond my own wounds, perhaps I too could approach the world with such gentle understanding.
Satir’s poem inspires a transformative journey of self-awareness and growth. To build inner strength, she suggests we:
See ourselves as we truly are, without judgment.
Accept our imperfections with kindness.
Appreciate our progress and achievements.
Trust in our ability to live authentically and bloom fully.
Her words serve as both a reminder and an invitation—to embrace our humanity, nurture our resilience, and extend the same understanding to others.
Even today, Virginia Satir’s work continues to inspire people to heal, connect, and thrive. Through her profound poetry and her legacy as a master therapist, she reminds us that inner strength and compassion are at the heart of meaningful relationships and a fulfilling life.
Peace LiLy 