Tag: marriage

The Fragility of Trust

linda changLeave a comment

“There are two things in this world one should never look at directly: the sun, and the human heart.” —Higashino Keigo

I recently came across this story online, and it deeply moved me. It reminded me that trust and kindness are fragile treasures—once broken, they are hard to mend. I would like to share this wisdom with everyone who reads my blog, especially in times when misunderstandings and suspicion can so easily damage the relationships we cherish most.

Once, there was a newly married couple deeply in love, inseparable and affectionate.
But the wife began to doubt her husband’s loyalty. Her suspicion grew stronger each day until she asked her best friend to “test” her husband’s faithfulness.

To her shock, the two fell in love with each other. What started as a test ended in betrayal.
In the end, the marriage was destroyed—not by infidelity itself, but by mistrust and the reckless act of testing love.

🧬 The Scientist Who Refused to Test

Finsen, the world-renowned Danish medical scientist and Nobel laureate, once chose a young man named Harry as his successor.

Some colleagues worried that Harry might not endure the long, tedious years of research. Finsen’s assistant suggested testing him by having a wealthy friend offer him a high-paying job to see whether Harry would stay or leave.

But Finsen firmly rejected the idea, saying:

“Never stand on a moral high ground to look down on others, and never test human nature.
Harry was born in poverty and naturally desires financial security. If we place him between an easy, well-paid job and the hardship of research but expect him to choose sacrifice, we are demanding him to be a saint. That would be unfair.”

Years later, Harry became one of Denmark’s most respected medical scientists. When he learned that Finsen had refused to test him, he wept and said:

“If my mentor had tested my integrity with a lucrative offer, I would likely have failed.
At that time, my mother was ill and my younger siblings depended on me for their schooling.
If Finsen had set that test for me, there would be no me as I am today.”

🌿 The Truth About Human Nature

Indeed, ordinary people are not saints—everyone has weaknesses. If we constantly test others—our spouse’s loyalty, our friends’ sincerity, or our coworkers’ honesty—we will often end up with disappointment and broken trust.

In the first story, had the wife trusted her husband instead of testing him, the marriage might have survived.

Finsen understood that human nature is fragile. True wisdom lies not in setting traps to measure others’ virtue, but in tolerating uncertainty with compassion.

Testing human nature is like striking a porcelain bowl—it will only reveal its fragility by breaking it.
Trust, on the other hand, is like holding that bowl gently in your hands—preserving its wholeness, beauty, and purpose.

In life, love, and friendship, may we learn to trust with kindness and lead with understanding.
After all, it is not the test that reveals the truth of a heart, but the grace with which we choose not to test it.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/11/06/the-fragility-of-trust/

Plato and Socrates on Love, Marriage, and Happiness: Timeless Lessons for Life

linda changLeave a comment

What is love?
What is marriage?
What is happiness?

These are questions that have echoed through time. The Greek philosopher Plato once asked his teacher Socrates these very questions. The answers he received were not in the form of lectures or definitions, but through simple, thought-provoking experiences that revealed profound truths about life.

What Is Love?

When Plato asked, “What exactly is love?” Socrates didn’t reply with words. Instead, he told Plato to walk through a wheat field and pick the biggest, fullest ear of wheat he could find. There was only one rule: he could pick only once, and he couldn’t turn back.

Plato returned empty-handed.

“I saw some very large and golden ears of wheat,” he explained, “but I kept thinking that there might be an even better one ahead, so I didn’t pick any. As I walked further, none of the wheat looked as good as what I had already passed. In the end, I walked out with nothing.”

Socrates smiled and said, “That is love. We often think something better lies ahead, so we pass by the one who may have been most right for us. And when we finally realize it, it’s too late to turn back.”

What Is Marriage?

Next, Plato asked, “Then what is marriage?”

Socrates responded, “Walk through the forest and cut down the biggest, strongest tree to use as a Christmas tree. Remember—you may only choose once, and you cannot turn back.”

This time, Plato returned with a tree that wasn’t the tallest or thickest, but still sturdy and pleasing.

When Socrates asked why he had picked it, Plato said, “I remembered the lesson from the wheat field. When I saw this tree and thought it was good enough, I cut it down. I was afraid that if I kept looking, I’d again end up with nothing. It may not be the best, but it’s mine—and I’m content with it.”

Socrates nodded and said, “That is marriage. It may not be perfect, but it’s real, reliable, and something you can walk through life with.”

What Is Happiness?

Finally, Plato asked, “What is happiness?”

Socrates told him to walk through a meadow and pick the most beautiful flower he could find, again under the same rule: choose only once, and no turning back.

After some time, Plato returned with a lovely flower in his hand.

Socrates asked, “Is this the most beautiful flower you saw?”

Plato answered with certainty: “When I saw this flower, I felt it was the most beautiful, so I picked it. Even though I saw other beautiful flowers later, I didn’t regret my choice. I stayed firm in my decision. This one, to me, is the most beautiful.”

Socrates smiled and said, “That is happiness. When you choose to see something as your happiness and cherish it, happiness is already yours.”

Through these three simple parables, Plato came to understand love, marriage, and happiness—not as things to chase endlessly, but as choices to recognize, embrace, and be content with.

  • Love is like the perfect ear of wheat you keep hoping to find ahead, only to realize—often too late—that what you passed by may have been the best match for you.
  • Marriage is like the tree that may not be flawless, but stands strong with you through the everyday winds and storms of life.
  • Happiness isn’t about always having the best. It’s about choosing something, valuing it, and finding contentment in it.

In a world driven by comparison, desire, and constant pursuit of “more,” true happiness arises when we stop looking outward and begin appreciating what we already have. When we make peace with our choices and nurture them with gratitude, we come to see: we already possess love, marriage, and happiness in their truest forms.

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2025/08/05/plato-and-socrates-on-love-marriage-and-happiness-timeless-lessons-for-life/

I Want to Love You

linda changLeave a comment

Virginia Satir’s Wisdom on Love and Relationships

I want to love you without clutching,
Appreciate you without judging,
Join you without invading,
Invite you without demanding,
Leave you without guilt,
Criticize you without blaming,
And help you without insulting.
If I can have the same from you,
then we can truly meet and enrich each other.

Virginia Satir, a trailblazer in family therapy, is celebrated for her profound understanding of human emotions and relationships. Her timeless poem I Want to Love You encapsulates the essence of love in tender, insightful language. Satir invites us to redefine love as not merely an emotional bond but an intentional practice rooted in respect, understanding, and wisdom. (Photo from Wikimedia commons)

Satir emphasized the importance of nurturing love that is healthy, respectful, and boundaries. Her work reveals that true love fosters connection, trust, and mutual growth. This approach provides a blueprint for enriching relationships, particularly within families and marriages, where deep emotional bonds often coexist with challenges.

Love in Parent-Child Relationships

Satir’s therapeutic approach frequently emphasized parenting as a delicate balance of nurturing and letting go. One of her core principles was the importance of validating children’s emotions and individuality.

She often used metaphors to illustrate her points. For instance, she likened parenting to tending a garden: “You water the seeds, but you cannot decide how each flower will bloom.” This philosophy highlights the role of parents in providing unconditional support during early childhood while allowing space for independence as the child matures.

A famous anecdote from her work involved a mother who struggled with her teenage daughter’s rebellion. Satir encouraged the mother to write a letter expressing her love without judgment. This simple act fostered a renewed connection, demonstrating how acknowledgment and respect can rebuild bonds.

Parenting, as Satir taught, is about cultivating trust and allowing children to flourish as autonomous individuals, experiencing love as a source of empowerment rather than control.

Cultivating Love in Marital Bonds

Satir believed that love in marriage thrives on mutual respect, clear communication, and intentional effort. She often used her Family Sculpting technique to help couples visualize the dynamics of their relationship. By arranging family members to represent emotional closeness and distance, couples could see the need for adjustments in their behavior.

For instance, Satir once worked with a couple where the wife felt unheard. By “sculpting” the wife seated with her back to the husband, the couple visualized their emotional disconnection. This powerful exercise led to a heartfelt conversation where both partners committed to active listening and mutual validation.

In practice, Satir advocated for specific behaviors to nurture marital love:

  • A wife can replace nagging with encouragement and complaints with collaboration, creating a foundation of trust and partnership.
  • A husband can demonstrate responsibility through actions rather than words, replacing criticism with appreciation and patience.

These small, intentional changes can transform the atmosphere of a marriage, fostering harmony and mutual growth.

In all relationships—whether between parents and children or spouses—Satir emphasized equality, respect, and tolerance. She taught that love devoid of attachment, judgment, or control becomes a source of profound warmth and harmony.

Satir’s work inspires us to approach love as a life-affirming practice, one that enriches our connections and empowers personal growth. Whether through her transformative therapy sessions or the tender verses of her poetry, she reminds us that love is not just an emotion but a lifelong commitment to nurturing ourselves and those around us.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/11/21/i-want-to-love-you/