Category: Health and wellness

Why are holidays so hard? A Guide for Coping

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Photo by Irina Iriser on Pexels.com

Why are holidays so hard? A Guide for Coping

By: Rochelle Perper, Ph.D. | November 25, 2022

If the holidays don’t feel like the often quoted ‘most wonderful time of the year,’ you aren’t alone in that feeling. At an early age, we learn that the holidays are times for festivity, a time for the entire family to come together in perfect joy. Social media shows idyllic images of beautiful families together, flawlessly cultivated dinner tables, and impeccably wrapped gifts that make us believe this is what the holidays should look like.

When the expectation of a joyful and peaceful holiday season doesn’t match the reality of our experiences, we feel disappointed and sorrowful.

For many, the holidays are a dreaded, painful time of year. The days are shorter, the nights are colder, and when you add financial burden, travel, or visits with sometimes difficult family members to the mix, the stress piles up quickly. The holidays constitute a special difficulty for those who have lost friends or family members, and for those having experienced significant change or trauma in their lives.

The following describes some common holiday stressors and guidance for coping:

Stressor: Pressure for the “perfect” holiday gathering

The holidays are certainly a busy time of year! We shop, cook, bake, attend parties, wrap gifts, prepare meals, decorate, make plans, travel, connect with friends, and all while we try to find some time for ourselves. It’s exhausting! Attempting to do it all is not only impractical, but it also takes a toll on our mental and emotional health.

How to Cope:

Focus on what really matters

Reflect on what is most important to you, then align your activities and actions with this value. For example, you may value making meaningful connections. If you spend most of the evening preparing the perfect meal while missing out on time spent with family and friends, then perfect meal prep does not align with your values. Remember: the holidays don’t have to be perfect or look a certain way to be memorable and special.

Set realistic expectations

As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. For example, adult children or other relatives may not be able to gather when you want them to, or there isn’t a budget for top-end gifts on your kid’s wish-list. Make sure your expectations are realistic. For example, if you expect too much from yourself or someone else, brainstorm what you can give up aligning the reality of the situation to what you expect the holidays to look like.

Be gentle with yourself

You are human, and there’s only so much you can do each day or a given holiday. Respond to your human limits by setting boundaries and finding ways to Have the Courage to Say No. Learn How to Be Gentle with Yourself and How to Practice Self-Compassion. Give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions may arise during this stressful and sometimes difficult time of year.

Stressor: Anxiety about family gatherings

For some, family gatherings result in an enjoyable time. For many, family gatherings provoke only stress and anxiety. You may feel self-conscious or feel pressured to keep up the conversation. You may dread the inevitable fights or need help Surviving the Holidays with a Narcissistic Family Member.

How to Cope:

Set boundaries

Although you may feel pressured to attend a holiday party or gathering, check-in first with your wants and needs to identify your readiness. If you decide to attend, remind yourself that you don’t have to stay the entire time. Read How to Deal with Your (difficult) Family this Holiday Season for more boundary-setting tips.

Be prepared

Anticipate challenging circumstances, people, or situations and develop a plan to manage the difficult emotions that may arise. You may find it tempting to “numb out” with alcohol but opt instead to challenge yourself to stay present, even in the presence of negative emotions. Plan ahead by getting a good night’s rest, staying sober, and identifying your coping strategies (like taking a walk, deep breathing, or affirmations). Have an exit strategy. It will help make your experience more enjoyable.

Assume good intent

Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they have different views and opinions. Set aside grievances for a more appropriate time for discussion. Show understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry; they likely feel the effects of holiday stress too. Be proactive in preventing and resolving conflicts and pay attention to your internal cues that suggest you risk losing your cool. Stay calm and take a breath before you speak. Prepare a rehearsed statement that you can use such as “let’s put a hold on this for another time.”

Stressor: Grieving a loss

The holiday season may look different this year because of the changes that took place over the past few years. This may mean foregoing parties, visits with family and friends, and participating in community activities and celebrations. We face the difficult task of readjusting our expectations for the holidays, which means Grieving the Loss of the Holidays as we know it. If you have lost a loved one or will be missing someone’s presence during the festivities, you are likely to feel this grief more intensely.

How to Cope:

Make plans and get the support you need

Give yourself the permission to develop new holiday rituals and traditions. Ask what traditions comfort you and allow yourself to participate in whatever feels right to you, or not. Share your plans with family and friends ahead of time and inform them what is helpful, and what is not helpful. Avoid the circumstances that you don’t feel ready to handle, but don’t isolate yourself. Make time for quiet reflection and grieving but balance it with activities with loved ones who accept and love you amidst your sorrow. And remember it is okay to accept offers from others to cook, shop, or decorate!

Allow yourself to grieve

There is no one “right” way to grieve, and no correct timeline. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, whether that’s joy or sadness, anger, or relief. Experiencing joy and laughter during the holidays honors the person who died and does not mean that you have forgotten them. Be gentle with yourself and others while recognizing that each family member may stand at a different stage of healing than you.

Honor your loved one

It may comfort you to incorporate a new tradition or ritual that honors the person who died. For example: create a memory box filled with photos or love notes from family members and friends, light a candle, say a prayer, or share a memory, write a poem, play your loved one’s favorite music or game, invite a moment of silence or toast at mealtime, make a donation or volunteer for a cause that your loved one found meaningful. Read Coping with Loss During the Holidays for more suggestions and inspiration for healing.

Stressor: The physical toll of stress

Stress affects all systems of the body including physical, mental, and emotional. When we encounter increased stress around the holidays, we notice its effects even more. For example, stress can make you more susceptible to illness, cause headaches, disrupt sleep, or contribute to feeling depressed or anxious.

How to Cope:

Increase self-care

Protect your health by prioritizing activities that reduce stress and help you recharge. It is not selfish to spend time on yourself with mindfulness meditation, yoga, spending time with friends or family, taking a bath or watching a movie. If you feel especially overwhelmed, focus on the basics: proper nutrition, healthy movement, and good sleep hygiene. Read Mindfulness for Holiday Stress to inspire other ways of finding calm moments amidst the hustle and bustle.

Spend time outdoors

As the days get shorter and daylight fades much earlier, you may start to feel “down.” What many people refer to as the “winter blues” could be a lack of Vitamin D, the important nutrient that helps boost our immune system and plays an important role in mental health. Increase your levels of Vitamin D with 8 to 15 minutes of sun exposure per day. So, take a little break and soak up the rays!

Why are holidays so hard? A Guide for Coping

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2022/12/14/why-are-holidays-so-hard-a-guide-for-coping/

#Holiday#JoyfulPeaceful#Christmas#Family#HealthandWellness

How to be Patient with Yourself and Others in a Changing World

linda changLeave a comment

How to be Patient with Yourself and Others in a Changing World

By: Rochelle Perper, Ph.D. | July 10, 2020

We live in a time where everything can change at an accelerated pace. No protocol exists for a time like this, no wisdom upon which to rely or set a course to follow. If ever there was a time when we should show patience, it would be now, right? After all, we’ve never done this before, and we can’t expect to get it right the first time. Sadly, too many of us do the exact opposite. We hold ourselves and others to unrealistic standards, beat ourselves up for not doing it well enough, criticize ourselves for lagging behind too long, and expect not to feel natural, human emotions.

Patience is that natural power we have within ourselves to wait for something without getting angry or upset. The longer we must wait, however, the more patience escapes us. In our changing world today, it’s no wonder that our patience is being tested. We are still waiting for answers to questions like “When can we resume usual activity?”, “What will school look like next semester?” or “When will we see a real change for racial equality?”

In our changing world today,
we could all use a little more patience –
with ourselves, our world around us, and with others.

Why is it important to be patient?

In the best of circumstances, disruptions to our daily routine cause frustrations that unnerve us. Now, consider the added stressors of:

  • Negotiating new social norms and health protocols
  • Grappling with anxiety and fear for the future
  • Feelings of outrage in response to police brutality and racial injustice
  • Suffering with personal and collective grief
  • Managing added responsibilities

No wonder we have a tough time. Quite frankly, it’s exhausting.

We all want to feel or be better as quickly as possible, an understandable goal in our achievement-driven world. The common misconception prevails that if we push ourselves, we will drive ourselves toward reaching our goals. This is simply incorrect.

When we are inpatient with ourselves, we reject parts of who we are, judge ourselves harshly, and speak to ourselves unkindly. Do thoughts like “I should be used to this by now,” “I can’t get anything done,” or “I’m so exhausted all the time; there must be something wrong with me” sound familiar?

This lack of patience blocks change because we deny ourselves support and knock ourselves down. This leads to lack of motivation to keep trying, and we end up stopping before we’ve really ever started.

Tips to be more patient:

Learning to stay patient with ourselves and others is one of the hardest skills to master in life. And, we need it now more than ever. Use the tips below to engender patience:

1. Focus on progress, not perfection

Think for a moment how you would talk to a child when learning something new. You would likely offer this child encouragement and support while passing off mistakes and errors because this is how kids learn and grow. So, why would you speak to yourself any differently?

You wouldn’t blame a child if they didn’t get it right the first time or get frustrated along the way. Even as adults, we never outgrow the need for gentle, supportive guidance. Try focusing on the progress you make and what you learn rather than beating yourself up for not doing it right or aren’t far enough along.

The same goes for others too. When your partner, a neighbor, co-worker, or stranger at the store acts in an irritable, unhelpful, or unkind way, try giving them the benefit of the doubt. We easily imagine the worst in people, but we never really know their story or what situations they come from. We can safely assume that these times present difficulties for everyone. We all deserve a little grace when we fall short now and again.

2. Practice

Like anything else, learning to garner patience with ourselves takes practice. Research shows that waiting makes us happier in the long run. Give yourself the opportunity of time to earn your reward and resist the urge for immediate gratification. For example, try the following:

  • Allow someone to go in front of you in line at the post office
  • Really listen to someone else’s opinion without interrupting them and before you respond
  • Watch half of a movie one night, and the other half the next night
  • Wait a few moments to begin eating when you sit down for a meal

As you practice, you will begin to gain more patience, and may even realize that you feel calmer, can come to agreements more quickly, and feel happier overall.

3. Reduce stress

Patience comes with more difficulty when you have a lot on your plate and a lot on your mind. When overscheduled or preoccupied with worries, you have diminished capacity to put forth the effort required for patience. To remedy this, examine the things in your life that cause your stress. Try to find solutions to these problems and ask for help when you need it. Look at where you spend your time and see what you can cut out to allow more time to focus on the things that are important to you.

There is no substitute for good old-fashioned self-care to reduce stress. Research shows that three deep abdominal breaths three times a day lowers your levels of stress hormone in your bloodstream. Other relaxation techniques include imagery, guided meditation, body scan, or mindfulness practice. Of course, you also reduce stress if you get enough sleep, allow for physical activity in your day, and eat healthy (especially avoiding too many sweets and alcohol.)

Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Pexels.com

4. Stop multitasking

We are more impatience when we juggle too many things at once. We all do it, we jump from one task to another without finishing the first. This practice proves ineffective time and time again. Worse, it causes a great deal of frustration because you do not do any one of these things well. By focusing on one thing at a time you will feel calmer and accomplish a great deal more.

Bonus tip: Before you go to bed, write down 3 things on a post-it note that you want to do the next day. Make these tasks a priority by tackling them first and resist the urge to get distracted by other things. Research in organizational settings demonstrated that this strategy significantly increased productivity in the workplace.

Change isn’t easy. Quick fixes reside mostly in theory, and lasting change takes time. We will experience challenges, and we may even go backwards at times. Long-term success includes small steps in the direction of your goal. With calm, controlled perseverance and loving kindness, you will achieve whatever you’ve set out to do.

5. Say kind things to yourself

Patience with ourselves and others requires mindful recognition of our humanity and that none of us are perfect. Patience means embracing yourselves with self-acceptance and focusing on progress rather than on perfection. It means giving yourself compassion rather than withholding it. It means speaking to yourself with more kindness and empathy such as:

“I know this is hard. I know you’re struggling,
but I believe in you. You can get through this.”

Changing your internal dialogue provides the most helpful practice you can do to develop the patience that resides within you. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a technique used to identify critical, negative thoughts and develop a more balanced way of thinking. Learning to change your internal dialogue takes time, so try to be patient with yourself as you learn to be more patient with others.

How to be Patient with Yourself and Others in a Changing World

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2022/12/08/how-to-be-patient-with-yourself-and-others-in-a-changing-world/

#Patient#Multitasking#Stress#Practice#Kind

Source: https://therapychanges.com/blog/2020/07/how-to-be-patient-with-yourself-and-others-in-a-changing-world/#:~:text=Patience%20means%20embracing%20yourselves%20with,I%20know%20this%20is%20hard.

Tips on Finding Your Inner Self

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Tips on Finding Your Inner Self

Meriam-Webster Dictionary defines Self-Awareness as “An awareness of one’s own personality or individuality.”


Becoming self-aware is not an easy task. Many of us probably feel like we know ourselves – strengths, weaknesses, areas needing improvement, etc. Heck, our lifecycle is one big experiment in assessment and evaluation.

Yet in the new age of social media, information bombards us from every angle.  External messaging tells us where to shop, who to vote for, the newest hot spot for families, where to spend your hard earned money, etc.

Sound familiar? This unending stimulus challenges even the most resolute among us to be present and attentive in our engagements with colleagues, family and friends. This seismic change in daily information flow if fundamentally changing how we live our lives, and often not for the best.

People take various approaches to “figuring out” who they are; self-help courses, career counseling, traveling, continuing education, and new challenges like completing a Tough Mudder. These experiences are ways to explore deeper motivations that may shed light on the fact that many of us need external validation – hence the beauty of the internet, providing immediate satisfaction via the dopamine cycle that the internet provides.



Here’s some excerpts from the post:

First, perform a skills inventory that help identify your passion. What are your talents and how do you apply them to “pay the bills”.

Second, perform a self-awareness audit: You may be familiar with the traditional concept of an audit. However, this audit is different. The intent is to evaluate your strengths and areas needing improvement. The best way to do this is by requesting feedback from colleagues, friends and family. Asking those that who know you best to provide feedback. This “self-audit” is valuable because people do not self-assess enough, and when they do, the focus is often on the negatives, not their strengths. Once you finish your self-audit, what’s next?  

Boost your self-awareness with these tips:

  • Celebrate Your Wins
  • Boundaries and Priorities
  • Shiny object syndrome
  • Design your Environment
  • Repetition/structure
  • Life experiences/mentor/counseling
  • Be appreciative

How do set create a positive environment to be successful:

  • Set priorities
  • Set boundaries
  • Put your phone away
  • Learn to do nothing
  • Journal non-productive thoughts
  • Brain Dump when your brain is racing

Take specific action steps to better relationships by:

  • Ask More Questions: Listen 2 x as much as speaking
  • Put Others First
  • Don’t Procrastinate – do it now
  • Engage in Self-Improvement – do one thing every day

Self-awareness is more than an experiment with personal exploration. It’s a broader pursuit of living outside of your own immediate needs and being present, genuine and appreciative of the many gifts in our life – people, health, livelihood, etc.

In a world that revolves around the next ‘like’, having perspective on your strengths and how to apply them, can lead to a more fulfilling life experience for you and those that you care for.

by: William Smith
www.jerseygrind.com

Tips on Finding Your Inner Self

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2022/11/29/tips-on-finding-your-inner-self/

#Self-awareness#Inner Self#Fulfillinglifeexperience

8 Ways To Have More Gratitude Every Day

linda changLeave a comment

Photo by Manuel Aldana on Pexels.com

8 Ways To Have More Gratitude Every Day

In the famous words of Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Put simply, gratitude is the intentional practice of noticing the good in your life. It relates to anything that makes you feel grateful, fortunate, or blessed.

It can be easy to get swept away in the fast lane and forget to stop and show your appreciation for what you do have. A life well lived is one of gratitude and thankfulness. Gratitude is the intentional practice of noticing the good in your life. It relates to anything that makes you feel grateful, fortunate, blessed. At this Thanksgiving holidays, we should think more and more about the things we are most grateful for in life.

To help you on your gratitude  journey, here are 8 ways to have more gratitude in your daily life not just on Thanksgiving.

1. Don’t be picky: appreciate everything

Gratitude doesn’t have to be saved for the “big” things in life. The habit of being grateful starts with appreciating every good thing in life and recognizing that there is nothing too small for you to be thankful for.

Even if it is as simple as appreciating the clear weather or how quickly your mailman delivered your mail last Friday, don’t leave anything out when practicing your gratitude.

2. Find gratitude in your challenges

Gratitude is not only about being thankful for positive experiences. In fact, sometimes thinking about negative or difficult situations can help to really nail down what you have to be thankful for.

Western Buddhist master Jack Kornfield remembers an exercise he did with a man who was caring for his grandson while his son and daughter-in-law battled a drug addiction. Despite all that he had been through, the man was still able to find gratitude for the amount of compassion he had learned to show and the impact he was able to have on other people.

Dig a little deeper into some of your own past experiences and try to figure out how they have helped shape you into the person you are today.

3. Practice mindfulness

Sit down daily and think through five to ten things you are grateful for. The trick is that you need to picture it in your mind and sit with that feeling of gratitude in your body. Doing this every day will rewire your brain to be naturally more grateful, and you’ll start feeling happier after every session.

It only takes eight weeks of gratitude practice for people to start showing changed brain patterns that lead to greater empathy and happiness.

Your brain is a powerful tool, and training it towards gratitude is all part of ensuring that the gratitude comes more easily as you practice, so what are you waiting for?

4. Keep a gratitude journal

After your mindfulness session, write down your positive thoughts! Keeping a journal of all of the things you are thankful for can help you keep track of and refer back to the positives in your life.

Write down your positive thoughts to further focus your attention on the subject. While you are putting the pen to paper, you have no choice but to consciously think about the words you are writing without other distracting, ungrateful thoughts.

You can journal every day after your gratitude practice, or you can come back to the journal on a regular schedule weekly or monthly.

5. Volunteer

For many people, the key to having more gratitude is to give back to others in their local community. Not only will it make you more grateful for the things that you may take for granted, but studies have shown that volunteering for the purpose of helping others increases our own well-being, and thus our ability to have more gratitude.

University of Pennsylvania professor, Martin Seligman, supports this theory with his research in Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being. After testing all kinds of variables that help improve our well-being, he found that volunteering is the single most reliable way to momentarily increase your well-being.

In other words: helping others helps you!

6. Express yourself

Sometimes it’s not enough to simply keep your gratitude to yourself. You can increase your feelings of gratitude by expressing that same gratitude to the people you care about.

Soul Pancake, a group that works to discover the “science of happiness,” ran an experiment where they encouraged people to write a letter to a person they were grateful for. By itself, this exercise increased their levels of happiness from 2 to 4%. However, when the same people made a phone call to the person they were thankful for to express their gratitude directly, happiness levels jumped from 4% to 19%.

Not only does expressing your gratitude for someone make their day a little brighter, but it can do wonders for increasing your own levels of gratitude and happiness in the long run

7. Spend time with loved ones

If you’re struggling with feeling the gratitude in the moment, go spend time with your friends and family. Of course it will help you grow closer to them and strengthen your relationship, but it will also give you a chance to practice your acts of gratitude on people that you care about.

Start small if they’re having trouble finding ways to support your friends and family. For instance, why don’t you make sure you’re listening intently the next time someone shares a story with you instead of waiting for your own chance to speak? Or start a conversation with a difficult member of the family by complimenting their new shoes or hair-cut.

8. Improve your happiness in other areas of your life

Being grateful can make you happy, but being happy can also make you grateful. There are plenty of other ways to get your mood up, including exercising or participating in a hobby you enjoy.

Once you are feeling the endorphins flow, showing gratitude will become even easier and you’ll start to be able to make list after list of all of the things in your life you’re thankful for.

8 Ways To Have More Gratitude Every Day

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2022/11/23/8-ways-to-have-more-gratitude-every-day/

Source : https://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2016/07/08/8-ways-to-have-more-gratitude-every-day/?sh=78847a301d54

8 Ways To Self-Sooth Without Using a Mind Altering Substance

linda chang1 Comment

8 Ways To Self-Sooth Without Using a Mind Altering Substance

Don’t let everyday stresses and problems get you down to the point where you think the only relief is heavily drinking or some other drug-related solution. Not only will your so-called relief be temporary, it can also be harmful to your health, contribute to possible addiction, and leave you more incapable of dealing with stresses on your own the next time they occur. 

HERE ARE 8 WAYS TO SELF-SOOTH WITHOUT USING A MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCE

READ
Develop a reading habit and you will find that you look forward to your time with your latest book. While you are reading, let this be your time for yourself. Set aside whatever amount of time you can and devote it wholeheartedly to reading.

MEDITATION
Meditation has been practiced for countless centuries to relieve stress, anxiety, depression, to treat a variety of illnesses, to help during treatment for addictive behaviors, reduce high blood pressure, and alleviate pain and to relax. Practice meditating every day at a regular time, for a regular duration. Ultimately, your perspective will start to evolve and you will grow more able to choose your moods and reactions instead of them choosing you.

YOGA
No need to be a master practitioner or a contortionist to reap the benefits from yoga. Yoga can be described as a collection of spiritual techniques and practices that seek to integrate mind, body and spirit in the quest to achieve enlightenment or oneness with the universe.

Photo by Prasanth Inturi on Pexels.com

TAKE A HOT BATH
AH, the satisfaction of soaking in a hot bubble bath, one of the best natural ways to relax and unwind. Give it a try! Light a candle, dim the lights and bring your awareness to the breath. Deep inhales through the noise, exhales out the mouth. Try this for sets of 5. You’ll absolutely feel less anxiety and much more able to cope with the challenges of day to day life.

VOLUNTEER
There’s no question there are many deserving charities and organizations that can use help. Volunteer to help serve meals at homeless shelters, or give of your time to visit with senior citizens at assisted living centers. When you look outside yourself and your own problems and give of yourself, it’s a selfless form of generosity that rewards you with a sense of inner peace.

WALK IN NATURE
Walking in nature helps you to decompress, as it magically increases the bodies natural feel-good chemicals. Breathing in the fresh air, noticing the beauty, and listening to the sounds around you will no doubt elevate your mood, leaving you with a feeling of completion and relaxation. 

BECOME MORE SPIRITUAL
Spirituality is something that is actively pursued, cultivated, and nourished. You don’t need to be religious to reap the rewards of a heightened spirituality. You can develop your spirituality by looking inward and trying to improve your outlook on life. Becoming more spiritual will give you a new appreciation for life and how precious it is. You will be able to give more of yourself to others, and gain richness beyond measure in return.

MAKE A GRATITUDE LIST
Get into the habit of writing down 5 things you are grateful for every morning. Goodness has a way of spreading its way around. When you are positive in your outlook, and act in a manner that inspires others to do likewise, you are helping to lift others out of themselves and into a better appreciation of life.

Life is all about living. Let’s make this life the best we can for as long as we have. You won’t need drugs to help you relax. Living life to the fullest will be your gift — to you and to those you love. Namaste.

Photo by Nilina on Pexels.com

8 Ways To Self-Sooth Without Using a Mind Altering Substance

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2022/11/09/8-ways-to-self-sooth-without-using-a-mind-altering-substance/

#SelfSooth#Yoga#SPIRITUAL#VOLUNTEER#InnerPeace#WellnessHealth#Meditation

Source: https://www.beinghappybuddha.com

Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously

linda changLeave a comment

Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously

Every day you are faced with a million little traps that encourage you to take your life way too seriously. Next time you are tempted to smash your computer or lash out in a fit of road rage, remember these reasons not to take life so seriously.

1. Relationships are all that matter

Time   and   time again when researchers have tried to figure out what makes people happy they have come to the same conclusion: personal relationships make the biggest difference. If we valued our happiness over money we would do everything we could to spend time with friends   and   family   and   not worry so much about putting in extra time at work. When you look back on your life, you won’t reflect on the time you spent at work; you will remember family dinners, great vacations, romantic dinners,   and   your wedding.

2. Rich people aren’t happier people
Spending more time at home or with friends will probably have a negative impact on the balance of your bank account. Just reading that sentence probably sent a wave of panic through some of you, but consider the fact that wealth is not correlated with happiness. In fact, once you have enough money to satisfy your basic needs, money makes very little difference in your overall well-being. The only exceptions are if you give your extra money to charity.

3. Worrying isn’t productive
Some of us even end up stressed out in situations   where   it is totally unwarranted. For example, you might find yourself visiting a new city like London or Paris   and   end up thoroughly confused   by   the transit system. You can’t find out how to get   where   you want to go   and   it makes you want to scream. But what are you accomplishing   by   stressing yourself out? Nothing.

4. Your time is limited
You only get to live one life. If you’re lucky enough to make it to age 90 you still have less than 800,000 hours between the time you are born   and   the time you die to cherish   and   enjoy all the things that make up life. One third of that time you won’t even be awake for, so you had best make the most of the remaining chunk. Do what you need to do to live a happy   and   fulfilled life.


Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2022/10/16/reasons-not-to-take-life-so-seriously/

#Culture#WellnessandHealth#Relationship#Productive#Happy

A Famous Westminster Abbey Tombstone Inscription

linda changLeave a comment

By Linda Apple

A Famous Westminster Abbey Tombstone Inscription

There is a rather famous tombstone in Westminster Abbey. There’s nothing so special about it, except for its inscription. I believe that many people have heard of it.

“When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable. As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now, as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country, and  who knows, I may have even changed the world.”

It is said that many world dignitaries and celebrities were deeply moved when they saw these words Some people say that this is a teaching of life, some people say that it is a kind of introspection of the soul.

There are similar teachings and philosophies in Chinese traditional culture. The Great Learning is a compilation of Confucian teachings used to address deeply important social behavior. In The Great Learning says: “The ancients who wished to illustrate illustrious virtue throughout the kingdom, first ordered well their own States. Wishing to order well their States, they first regulated their families. Wishing to regulate their families, they first cultivated their persons.”

“From the Kings down to the mass of ordinary people, all must consider the cultivation of the person the root of everything besides. It cannot be, when the root is neglected, that what should spring from it will be well ordered.”

In Buddhism, self cultivation is heavily emphasized as well. The first thing for all buddhist disciples is constantly cultivating themselves. In What is Cultivation, His Holiness Dorje Chang Buddha III  provides detailed guidance on self-cultivation. Self-cultivation is the fundamental and essential in the learning of Buddhism. Through self-cultivation, one will not only live a happy life and contribute the best of oneself to the society, but also can reach enlightenment and liberation.

A Famous Westminster Abbey Tombstone Inscription

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2022/10/14/a-famous-westminster-abbey-tombstone-inscription/

#WestminsterAbbey#TombstoneInscription#GreatLearning#ChineseCulture#Buddhism#DorjeChangBuddhaIII #HHDorjeChangBuddhaIII   #Buddha #Cultivation#Buddhist#SouthAfrica#Buddhist# ConfucianTeaching#ChineseTraditionalCulture

Source: http://wengu.tartarie.com/wg/wengu.php?l=Daxue&s=1

10 Things Science Says Will Make You Happy

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10 Things Science Says Will Make You Happy

Scientists can tell us how to be happy. Really. Here are 10 ways, with the research to prove it.

by Jen Angel

In the last few years, psychologists and researchers have been digging up hard data on a question previously left to philosophers: What makes us happy? Researchers like the father-son team Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener, Stanford psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, and ethicist Stephen Post have studied people all over the world to find out how things like money, attitude, culture, memory, health, altruism, and our day-to-day habits affect our well-being. The emerging field of positive psychology is bursting with new findings that suggest your actions can have a significant effect on your happiness and satisfaction with life. Here are 10 scientifically proven strategies for getting happy.


Savor Everyday Moments

Pause now and then to smell a rose or watch children at play. Study participants who took time to “savor” ordinary events that they normally hurried through, or to think back on pleasant moments from their day, “showed significant increases in happiness and reductions in depression,” says psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky.

Avoid Comparisons

While keeping up with the Joneses is part of American culture, comparing ourselves with others can be damaging to happiness and self-esteem. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, focusing on our own personal achievement leads to greater satisfaction, according to Lyubomirsky.

Put Money Low on the List

People who put money high on their priority list are more at risk for depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, according to researchers Tim Kasser and Richard Ryan. Their findings hold true across nations and cultures. “The more we seek satisfactions in material goods, the less we find them there,” Ryan says. “The satisfaction has a short half-life—it’s very fleeting.” Money-seekers also score lower on tests of vitality and self-actualization.

Have Meaningful Goals

“People who strive for something significant, whether it’s learning a new craft or raising moral children, are far happier than those who don’t have strong dreams or aspirations,” say Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener. “As humans, we actually require a sense of meaning to thrive.” Harvard’s resident happiness professor, Tal Ben-Shahar, agrees, “Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable.”

Take Initiative at Work

How happy you are at work depends in part on how much initiative you take. Researcher Amy Wrzesniewski says that when we express creativity, help others, suggest improvements, or do additional tasks on the job, we make our work more rewarding and feel more in control.

Make Friends, Treasure Family

Happier people tend to have good families, friends, and supportive relationships, say Diener and Biswas-Diener. But it’s not enough to be the life of the party if you’re surrounded by shallow acquaintances. “We don’t just need relationships, we need close ones” that involve understanding and caring.

Smile Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

It sounds simple, but it works. “Happy people…see possibilities, opportunities, and success. When they think of the future, they are optimistic, and when they review the past, they tend to savor the high points,” say Diener and Biswas-Diener. Even if you weren’t born looking at the glass as half-full, with practice, a positive outlook can become a habit.

Say Thank You Like You Mean It

People who keep gratitude journals on a weekly basis are healthier, more optimistic, and more likely to make progress toward achieving personal goals, according to author Robert Emmons. Research by Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology, revealed that people who write “gratitude letters” to someone who made a difference in their lives score higher on happiness, and lower on depression—and the effect lasts for weeks.

Get Out and Exercise

A Duke University study shows that exercise may be just as effective as drugs in treating depression, without all the side effects and expense. Other research shows that in addition to health benefits, regular exercise offers a sense of accomplishment and opportunity for social interaction, releases feel-good endorphins, and boosts self-esteem.

Give It Away, Give It Away Now!

Make altruism and giving part of your life, and be purposeful about it. Researcher Stephen Post says helping a neighbor, volunteering, or donating goods and services results in a “helper’s high,” and you get more health benefits than you would from exercise or quitting smoking. Listening to a friend, passing on your skills, celebrating others’ successes, and forgiveness also contribute to happiness, he says. Researcher Elizabeth Dunn found that those who spend money on others reported much greater happiness than those who spend it on themselves.

10 Things Science Says Will Make You Happy

Link：https://peacelilysite.com/2022/10/06/10-things-science-says-will-make-you-happy/

#Happy#FamilyTime#Exercise#Giveitaway#Smile#Friends#AvoidComparisons

Source: http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/sustainable-happiness/10-things-science-says-will-make-you#top

Why We Should Sleep Early and Get up Early

linda chang1 Comment

Photo by Dominika Roseclay on Pexels.com

Why We Should Sleep Early and Get up Early

When I was a child, my parents always tell me “ Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man happy, healthy, and wise. In western countries, there are old sayings much like this one, such as ” Early birds get worms”. Sleeping early and getting up early is a very good habit. However I found out it is very difficult to pass down this good habit to my children. They have a million reasons to stay up late, academic and recreational. So I decided to find some scientific evidence to convince them.

The information I found surprised me. I realized that I myself should sleep and wake up even earlier.

Circadian rhythms and internal biological clock

Three scientists won the 2017 Nobel Prize for their discoveries of molecular mechanisms that control circadian rhythms. Circadian rhythms are driven by an internal biological clock that anticipates day/night cycles to optimize the physiology and behavior of organisms.

“Chronobiology has an impact on many aspects of our physiology. For example, circadian clocks help to regulate sleep patterns, feeding behavior, hormone release, blood pressure and body temperature. Molecular clocks also play critical roles locally in many tissues. Ablation of clock genes in animal models results in arrhythmic production of hormones, such as corticosterone and insulin (Son et al., 2008). Clock genes also exert a profound influence on metabolism through the control of gluconeogenesis, insulin sensitivity and systemic oscillation of blood glucose (Panda, 2016). Sleep is vital for normal brain function and circadian dysfunction has been linked to sleep disorders, as well as depression, bipolar disorder, cognitive function, memory formation and some neurological diseases (Gerstner and Yin, 2010).”

The circadian clock has an impact on many aspects of our physiology.
This clock helps to regulate sleep patterns, feeding behavior, hormone release, blood pressure and body temperature. A large proportion of our genes are regulated by the clock. From https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/medicine/2017/advanced-information/

Body-Energy Clock in Chinese Medicine

Observations that organisms adapt their physiology and behavior to the time of the day in a circadian fashion have been documented for a long time. Thousands years ago in Chinese Medicine, the body clock was already known. The 24 hour day was divided into 12 two-hour intervals of the Qi (vital force) moving through the organ system. The Body-Energy Clock is built upon the concept of the cyclical ebb and flow of energy throughout the body. During a 24-hour period(see the following diagram), Qi moves in two-hour intervals through the organ systems. During sleep, Qi draws inward to restore the body. This phase is completed between 1 and 3 a.m., when the liver cleanses the blood and performs a myriad of functions that set the stage for Qi moving outward again.

In the 12-hour period following the peak functioning of the liver—from 3 a.m. onward—energy cycles to the organs associated with daily activity, digestion and elimination: the lungs, large intestine, stomach/pancreas, heart, small intestine. By mid-afternoon, energy again moves inward to support internal organs associated with restoring and maintaining the system. The purpose is to move fluids and heat, as well as to filter and cleanse—by the pericardium, triple burner (coordinates water functions and temperature), bladder/kidneys and the liver. Understanding The Body-Energy Clock, could help you to better manage your Sleep, Meals, & Mood.

5 am to 7 am is the time of the Large Intestine, making it a perfect time to have a bowel movement and remove toxins from the day before. So that is the perfect time to get up. Waking up at this time, getting out of bed and moving around, will help your large intestine excrete the waste. Personally, I have discovered that I am prone to constipation if I get up later than this time.

7-9am is the time of the Stomach, so it is important to eat the biggest meal of the day here to optimize digestion and absorption. Warm meals that are high in nutrition are best in the morning. Therefore, if you get up early, you will have enough time to make and enjoy a hearty breakfast. If you get up late, and skip breakfast or just grab some easy treats, then you don’t get enough nutrition for your whole body. According to the body clock the stomach has it’s strongest time in the morning, it secretes a lot of digestive juices in the morning. A lot of people like to eat a big meal at dinner, which can cause the stomach to be overburdened and make the it unable to rest adequately during sleep.

From the Body-Energy Clock we can see the Gall Bladder is most active from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m. The Gall Bladder excretes bile and digest the good fats, it is working hard to repair damaged cells and build new ones. And this process is better processed when you are sleep.

1 a.m. to 3 a.m. is the most active time for the Liver. During this time, toxins are released from the body and fresh new blood is made. The liver is the main detoxifying organ in the body. Our body needs to be in the deep sleep stage, in order to give the liver its full energy capacity so it can do its proper job.

Melatonin Level

Melatonin is often referred to as the sleep hormone. Melatonin level plays an important role in our sleep-wake cycle. It is well-established that melatonin produced by the body plays a fundamental role in getting quality sleep. Scientist has discovered, our body start to increase melatonin secretion soon after the onset of darkness, peaks in the middle of the night, between 2 and 4 a.m., and gradually falls during the second half of the night. Thus most people have the experience that if they stay up too late, they have trouble falling asleep. After 4 a.m. Melatonin level start to decrease, so after 4 a.m. our sleep goes into a light, shallow and dreamy state. Falling asleep during 11 p.m. to 4 a.m., we can get better quality rest from sleeping.

There are many benefits for Going to bed early and getting up early. Here are some examples:

  1. Early risers, whether young or old, have more positive emotions and a better sense of self-health.
  2. Depression is a common mental illness that affects 264 million people worldwide, according to the latest data released on the World Health Organization’s website. A new study in the United States shows that for people who are accustomed to going to bed late, if they can go to bed an hour earlier, they can reduce the risk of depression by 23%.
  3. Staying up late is also an important factor in gain weight, because staying up late can lead to endocrine disorders. If you rest on time, get up early and exercise properly, not only will you prevent excessive weight gain, but you will also be able to maintain a slim body. So, consider to be a early sleeper and early riser, if you wish to control your weight.
  4. Multiple studies have shown that sleep deprivation is associated with increased risk of morbidity. Going to bed early and getting up early can enhance immunity and help fight colds and other viruses. It can also greatly reduce the risk of chronic diseases such as heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and stroke.
  5. Study confirms that early sleepers and early risers score 30% higher on anagram tests than those who stay up late.

Here is a interesting video of a navy seal who likes to go to bed early and get up early. I hope you enjoy it, and be happy and healthy.

http://www.businessinsider.com/navy-seal-explains-wake-up-430-am-every-day-jocko-willink-2018-4

Why We Should Sleep Early and Get up Early

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2022/08/23/why-we-should-sleep-early-and-get-up-early/

#WellnessHealth#HealthInformation#Melatonin#BodyClock#CircadianRhythms#InternalBiological Clock#Depression#WeightControl

Source: https://www.businessinsider.com/navy-seal-explains-wake-up-430-am-every-day-jocko-willink-2018-4， https://mspmag.com/health-and-fitness/chinese-medicine-body-clock-optimize-sleep-meals-mood/， https://www.nirvananaturopathics.com/blog/traditional-chinese-organ-body-clock

Tai chi: A gentle way to fight stress

linda chang1 Comment

Tai chi: A gentle way to fight stress

Tai chi helps reduce stress and anxiety. And it also helps increase flexibility and balance.

By Mayo Clinic Staff

If you’re looking for a way to reduce stress, consider tai chi (TIE-CHEE). Originally developed for self-defense, tai chi has evolved into a graceful form of exercise that’s now used for stress reduction and a variety of other health conditions. Often described as meditation in motion, tai chi promotes serenity through gentle, flowing movements.

What is tai chi?

Tai chi is an ancient Chinese tradition that, today, is practiced as a graceful form of exercise. It involves a series of movements performed in a slow, focused manner and accompanied by deep breathing.

Tai chi, also called tai chi chuan, is a noncompetitive, self-paced system of gentle physical exercise and stretching. Each posture flows into the next without pause, ensuring that your body is in constant motion.

Tai chi has many different styles. Each style may subtly emphasize various tai chi principles and methods. There are variations within each style. Some styles may focus on health maintenance, while others focus on the martial arts aspect of tai chi.

Tai chi is different from yoga, another type of meditative movement. Yoga includes various physical postures and breathing techniques, along with meditation.

Who can do tai chi?

Tai chi is low impact and puts minimal stress on muscles and joints, making it generally safe for all ages and fitness levels. In fact, because tai chi is a low-impact exercise, it may be especially suitable if you’re an older adult who otherwise may not exercise.

You may also find tai chi appealing because it’s inexpensive and requires no special equipment. You can do tai chi anywhere, including indoors or outside. And you can do tai chi alone or in a group class.

Although tai chi is generally safe, women who are pregnant or people with joint problems, back pain, fractures, severe osteoporosis or a hernia should consult their health care provider before trying tai chi. Modification or avoidance of certain postures may be recommended.

Why try tai chi?

When learned correctly and performed regularly, tai chi can be a positive part of an overall approach to improving your health. The benefits of tai chi may include:

  • Decreased stress, anxiety and depression
  • Improved mood
  • Improved aerobic capacity
  • Increased energy and stamina
  • Improved flexibility, balance and agility
  • Improved muscle strength and definition

More research is needed to determine the health benefits of tai chi. Some evidence indicates that tai chi may also help:

  • Enhance quality of sleep
  • Enhance the immune system
  • Help lower blood pressure
  • Improve joint pain
  • Improve symptoms of congestive heart failure
  • Improve overall well-being
  • Reduce risk of falls in older adults

How to get started with tai chi

Although you can rent or buy videos and books about tai chi, consider seeking guidance from a qualified tai chi instructor to gain the full benefits and learn proper techniques.

You can find tai chi classes in many communities today. To find a class near you, contact local fitness centers, health clubs and senior centers. Tai chi instructors don’t have to be licensed or attend a standard training program. It’s a good idea to ask about an instructor’s training and experience, and get recommendations if possible.

A tai chi instructor can teach you specific positions and breathing techniques. An instructor can also teach you how to practice tai chi safely, especially if you have injuries, chronic conditions, or balance or coordination problems. Although tai chi is slow and gentle, and generally doesn’t have negative side effects, it may be possible to get injured if you don’t use the proper techniques.

After learning tai chi, you may eventually feel confident enough to do tai chi on your own. But if you enjoy the social aspects of a class, consider continuing with group tai chi classes.

Maintaining the benefits of tai chi

While you may gain some benefit from a tai chi class that lasts 12 weeks or less, you may enjoy greater benefits if you continue tai chi for the long term and become more skilled.

You may find it helpful to practice tai chi in the same place and at the same time every day to develop a routine. But if your schedule is erratic, do tai chi whenever you have a few minutes. You can even practice the soothing mind-body concepts of tai chi without performing the actual movements when you are in a stressful situation, such as a traffic jam or a tense work meeting, for instance.

Link: https://wisdomtea.org/2022/05/12/tai-chi-a-gentle-way-to-fight-stress/

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/tai-chi/art-20045184