Tag: Mental Health

Are you really listening to your body?

linda changLeave a comment

By Anita Barnes

Listening to your body can be something as simple as going to bed when you are tired, stop eating before you are overstuffed, or releasing a yoga posture when you’ve gone beyond your edge.  It can also involve more serious things, like preventing your stress levels from exploding into chest pain by saying no, averting an acute pain situation or chronic disease by knowing when to slow down, and respond to pain or discomfort in your body.  

For me, the essence of yoga is about listening to your body, mind and emotions and honouring where they are at, because this changes from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute.  This listening may involve noticing how your body feels in a particular pose-are your muscles tight, are you feeling a sense of release?  How is your breath-do you notice times when you are holding it or breathing faster than you should?  How are your emotions-what’s coming up for you; sadness, anger, impatience, or boredom?  

I learn so much about myself while on my yoga mat.  Through stillness, movement and breath, I have increased awareness of where I’m holding muscle tension and how my nervous system is doing.  This mindfulness helps me move through negative emotions, practice self-compassion and often find sweetness underneath the negativity.  

Our body and emotions are always communicating, and sometimes it’s very subtle, and unfortunately, we often ignore it.  This has happened to me twice in the last year, and honestly, I should have known better.  In the spring, during the first lockdown – (what # are we at now?) I continued with my weight workout because my gym was closed.  I used light weights and after a few weeks felt they were too light and increased the amount.  I started to notice an occasional throbbing pain in my left triceps.  I ignored this and continued to ignore it, not making the connection that the heavier weights were taxing my muscles.  One night I was awoken by the most excruciating pain, exactly where I felt the original throbbing pain, and it was radiating up to my neck and down to my wrist.   Luckily, I was able to see my physiotherapist and chiropractor for treatment, and they felt the pain was connected to an aggravated radial nerve.  My doctor prescribed me an anti-inflammatory, and I felt better after the first treatment; however, it took several months until I fully recovered. 

You think this would have been a massive wake up call for me to pay attention to subtle changes in my body-the whispers.  Nope.  Since the recent lockdown, state of emergency, whatever we’re at these days, I committed to going for a long walk or hike every single day because my spirit needed this connection to nature.  After a few longer hikes of 2-3 hours through a local conservation area, I noticed a pain in my right glute.  It wasn’t severe pain and didn’t last long, so it was easy to brush off.  However, it did happen at least 4-5 times, and I completely ignored it, and just over a week ago, I paid for this BIG TIME!!!!   

After an active day on January 15th, I noticed a pain in my right hip flexor, went to bed, but didn’t stay long because the pain became too intense.  By Saturday afternoon the pain had increased with a vengeance, and I didn’t sleep on Saturday night and woke my husband up at 3 am on Sunday informing him that he had to take me to emergency because I was in that much pain.  At the ER they ruled out a few things and thought that diagnosis was piriformis syndrome-irritation of the piriformis muscle.  They suggested rest, anti-inflammatories, extra-strength Tylenol and physiotherapy to get back on track.  The pain wasn’t being managed, and on Tuesday morning, I had to go to the ER once again because the pain became so severe that I couldn’t walk.  This time they focused on pain management and gave me morphine via IV and a script.  The pain subsided, and I was able to walk and go home.  

By this time, I hadn’t slept for 4 nights and saw my physiotherapist for the first time.  He performed a full assessment and didn’t think I had piriformis syndrome and felt that my joint and muscles were functioning well.  He thought that I might have overdone it with my hikes and aggravated some muscles and nerves.  

I continued with the pain management meds and physiotherapy, and last Saturday afternoon, I noticed that the pain had left entirely.  I haven’t had any pain since and still have no idea what caused it, but have some ideas.  I believe that my enthusiastic hikes irritated the muscles and nerves in my right hip, and I had plenty of warning that something was up.  

I’m so grateful to be pain-free and have the most profound compassion and empathy for anyone dealing with chronic pain.   I honestly don’t know how anyone deals with it. 

I don’t want to go through something like this again, and I’ve learned my lesson about the importance of listening to my body, not just on my yoga mat, but always.  

Our body, breath and emotions are always communicating to us and sending us messages.  They usually start as little whispers, and if you don’t pay attention, your body will yell at you loud and clear and force you to listen. 

Off the yoga mat, it’s essential to take time throughout your day to slow down, be still and tune in.  How does your body feel?  Do an emotional check-in.  Honour your body, and give it the attention and nurturing that it deserves.  Trust your body,  its’ wisdom and healing abilities.  

Be well.

Anita

Source: https://countyyogaloft.ca/blog/mijpjcfyqxydger4435o02oej6q2zl

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/12/05/are-you-really-listening-to-your-body/

One Page at a Time: Reclaiming Our Minds in the Age of Endless Screens

linda changLeave a comment

In today’s world, our phones are never more than an arm’s length away, and our minds rarely get a moment of true rest. We scroll without thinking, click without choosing, and consume without noticing. But deep inside, many of us feel the same quiet truth—we are losing ourselves in the noise. This post is a small reminder that peace, clarity, and spiritual nourishment are still possible, if we begin to consciously take back our attention.

Instagram Reels, YouTube Shorts, Facebook browsing—what starts as a quick check so easily becomes an hour of mindless scrolling. It’s almost frightening how fast time disappears. Even without TikTok, I can feel the pull of the algorithm shaping my habits, my attention, even my thoughts.

Of course, technology brings wonderful conveniences. We can speak with loved ones across the world instantly, save treasured memories, learn anything we want, and make life easier in countless ways. But lately, I’ve realized something important:

I’m exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

My attention span is scattered. Silence feels uncomfortable. I reach for my phone without thinking. And I’ve begun to wonder—is this what addiction feels like? Knowing you don’t need it, yet still reaching for it anyway?

We all know we’re on our screens too much.
But knowing doesn’t free us.
Conscious action does.

The Real Cost: What Screen Time Is Stealing From You

This isn’t just about an hour lost to Instagram; it’s about the erosion of the most vital parts of our lives. The time we spend staring into a screen is time actively taken away from meaningful, real-world engagement.

Screen time is truly troubling our lives right now:

  • We have less time to exercise. The energy required for a twenty-minute workout is often sacrificed for twenty minutes of passive scrolling on the couch.
  • We have less time to play with kids. Those precious, unrepeatable moments of building a fort or kicking a ball are missed because we’re “just checking” a notification.
  • We have less time to talk to our parents/partners. Authentic, present conversation is replaced by parallel consumption, sitting next to a loved one while both are immersed in separate digital worlds.
  • We have less time for deep, restorative sleep. The blue light, the stimulating content, and the mental chatter we absorb right before bed actively hijack our ability to rest.

A Spiritual Perspective: Why Screen Addiction Makes Us Unhappy

In Buddhism and many spiritual traditions, the mind is described as a lake.
When the surface is constantly stirred—by notifications, news, entertainment—it becomes muddy. We can no longer see clearly. Wisdom, compassion, and calmness all sink beneath the surface.

Excessive screen time:

  • scatters the mind through endless stimulation
  • drains our life-force through constant comparison and craving
  • steals the quiet moments where insight and peace are born
  • pulls us away from real presence—real people, real breath, real living

Spiritual masters remind us:
“Where your attention goes, your life goes.”
If our attention is constantly fragmented, our life becomes fragmented too.

Actionable Suggestions to Reduce Phone & Social Media Time:

StrategyHow It Works
The Friction FolderMove all tempting social media/entertainment apps into one folder on the very last page of your phone screen. This adds just enough friction to make you pause before opening.
Grayscale ModeSwitch your phone display to black and white. Color is a primary driver of attention and addiction; removing it makes the screen less stimulating and less fun to look at.
Set App LimitsUse your phone’s built-in Screen Time settings to put a hard limit (e.g., 30 minutes) on all social media apps. Once you hit it, the app locks for the day.
The “Phone Bed”Designate a charging spot outside your bedroom. Use a traditional alarm clock. Your bedroom should be a sanctuary for sleep and connection, not consumption.
The “Purpose-First” RuleBefore you unlock your phone, state out loud (or in your mind) what you are picking it up to do (“I am checking the weather,” “I am calling Mom”). Complete the task and immediately lock the screen.

Mindful Practices I’m Recommending:

These are small, spiritual steps to reclaim your mind:

  • Put the phone out of sight. What the eyes don’t see, the mind doesn’t crave.
  • Create “sacred screen-free hours.” Mornings or evenings where the mind can rest—like offering ourselves a daily meditation.
  • Return to the breath whenever the urge to scroll pops up. One breath. One pause. One moment of awareness.
  • Read again—slowly, intentionally. A physical book becomes a refuge, a temple for the mind.
  • Replace noise with mindfulness. Walk without headphones. Eat without a screen. Let silence become a friend again.
  • Remind yourself of impermanence. Every moment spent scrolling is a moment of life we never get back.

Little by little, I’m learning to soften the grip that screens have over me.
Not by force, but by nurturing something deeper—presence, clarity, and spiritual freedom.

Do One thing mindfully and intentionally at a time. It’s time to be truly alive again.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/12/04/one-page-at-a-time-reclaiming-our-minds-in-the-age-of-endless-screens/

Source: https://vocal.media/humans/call-of-the-child

When Your Brain’s Motivation System Gets Stuck — Rediscovering Energy Through “Slow Joy”

linda chang1 Comment

Lately, I’ve noticed how many people — friends, colleagues, even myself at times — feel drained and uninspired.
We wake up tired, scroll through our phones for quick hits of excitement, yet still feel empty inside.
It’s as if our inner engine has lost its spark.
But according to a 2025 review published in Trends in Neurosciences, there’s a scientific reason behind this: our brain’s dopamine release system may be getting stuck.

That could explain why so many of us today feel unmotivated or emotionally flat, even when life seems to be “going fine.”

Dopamine: Not Just the “Happy Chemical”

We often call dopamine the molecule of happiness, but that’s only part of the story.
In reality, dopamine isn’t what makes you happy — it’s what gets you moving toward happiness.

Dopamine creates a sense of anticipation — that spark of “I want to try,” the energy that propels us to start something new.
Whether you’re preparing for an exam, signing up for a new class, cleaning your room, or going for a run — it’s not satisfaction that moves you, but dopamine giving you direction and desire.

Think of dopamine as your internal GPS, guiding you toward what feels meaningful, hopeful, and worth pursuing.

Dopamine doesn’t just “fire” from one neuron to another like a light switch.
Recent discoveries show that the brain also uses something called “volume transmission” — a gradual release process, more like a sprinkler or diffuser that spreads dopamine through nearby areas, affecting your overall state of mind.

This helps explain a familiar modern phenomenon:
why short videos or instant rewards feel thrilling for a second — yet leave us empty moments later.
Meanwhile, the slow joys — exercising regularly, nurturing a hobby, cooking, gardening, or spending time with loved ones — bring calm, sustainable satisfaction.

Fast stimulation burns us out. Slow joy builds us up.

When the System Breaks Down, The Brain “Runs Out of FuelSeveral key proteins, such as VMAT2, SV2C, and α-synuclein, regulate how dopamine is stored and released.
They work like the warehouse managers of your brain, deciding when and how much dopamine to release, and whether there’s enough supply to restock.

When this system falters, it doesn’t just cause movement issues like Parkinson’s disease — it also leads to emotional flatness, loss of motivation, chronic fatigue, and social withdrawal.

This isn’t weakness or laziness. It’s your brain signaling that it’s running low on essential fuel.

Three Ways to Help Your Brain’s Motivation System Restart

1. Practice “Slow Joy” — Reconnect with Steady Dopamine Flow
Reduce dependence on instant stimuli like scrolling through social media or bingeing short videos.
These quick hits train your brain to expect constant flashes of excitement.

Instead, rediscover activities that bring gentle, lasting satisfaction: cooking, reading, painting, walking, gardening.
These are the true dopamine recharge stations of life.

2. Move Regularly — Activate Your Natural Dopamine Circuit
Moderate exercise — brisk walking, jogging, squats — done three times a week for 10–30 minutes can powerfully stimulate healthy dopamine pathways.
You don’t have to push to exhaustion; what matters is rhythm and consistency.
Your brain thrives on the expectation of movement, not punishment.

3. Nourish the System — Sleep, Nutrition, and Antioxidants
Sleep is when your brain restores neurotransmitters and regenerates vesicles for dopamine storage.
A lack of rest is like leaving your mental warehouse in chaos.

Eating antioxidant-rich foods such as berries, dark leafy greens, olive oil, and omega-3s helps reduce oxidative stress and support brain health.
Simple, consistent habits are the quiet repair crew your dopamine system needs.

Real vitality isn’t a burst of fireworks — it’s a steady inner light that guides us through our days.
Dopamine’s true gift isn’t the thrill of reward, but the strength to keep going.

When we gently adjust our daily rhythm, we can regain focus and energy without needing excessive caffeine or quick fixes.
We can once again feel that grounded sense of, I’m back on my path. From “Chasing Highs” to “Finding Rhythm.”

The Truth About Drugs and False Freedom

Recently, we’ve seen more tragic news about drug-related crimes.
This makes it even more urgent to talk about dopamine honestly.

Drugs artificially force the brain’s “stimulation gate” wide open — creating a short-lived high while devastating the system meant to sustain real joy.
People chasing that artificial rush often lose direction, harming themselves and others.

Drugs don’t create happiness — they destroy the very system that makes it possible.
That’s not freedom; it’s captivity disguised as pleasure.

When you feel tired, unmotivated, or emotionally numb, remember this:
You’re not lazy. You’re not broken.
Your brain simply needs care, rhythm, and nourishment.

We don’t need to be blinding LED lights burning out too soon.
We can be warm, steady lamps — quietly lighting our own path and bringing comfort to those around us.

Reference:
Redefining dopaminergic synapses beyond the classical paradigm, Trends in Neurosciences, 2025

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/11/11/when-your-brains-motivation-system-gets-stuck-rediscovering-energy-through-slow-joy/

5 Morning Affirmations to Begin Your Day with Peace and Strength

linda changLeave a comment

This morning, I stumbled upon a truly inspiring video—one that I feel compelled to share. It’s about something simple yet deeply powerful: the words we choose to tell ourselves at the start of each day.

The video introduces five morning affirmations—phrases rooted in mindfulness, gratitude, and self-compassion. These words are not just reminders; they are seeds we plant in our hearts. By repeating them daily, we can replace anxiety with calm, transform doubt into confidence, and begin our day already centered in peace.

Here are the affirmations:

  1. I am here, I am alive. This moment is enough.
  2. Nothing outside me can disturb my peace unless I let it.
  3. I will treat myself with kindness, not judgment.
  4. Everything I need is already within me.
  5. Let me be the cause of peace today.

These may seem like simple sentences, yet they carry thousands of years of wisdom. Buddhist teachings remind us that the mind shapes our reality. When we begin each day with thoughts of peace, compassion, and self-respect, we set the tone for everything that follows.

What I love most is the last affirmation: “Let me be the cause of peace today.” Imagine the ripple effect if each of us carried this intention into our daily lives—peace would not just be something we seek, but something we create and share.

The words we tell ourselves each morning truly have the power to shape a lifetime of peace and wisdom.

✨ I wish everyone who watches this video peace, clarity, and growth on their journey. May these affirmations bring light to your mornings and strength to your days.

🌸 Why not give it a try? For the next seven mornings, say these affirmations to yourself before you start your day. Notice how they shift your mood, your focus, and even the way you interact with others. If you feel inspired, share your experience—it might just encourage someone else to begin their own journey of mindful mornings.

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2025/09/12/5-morning-affirmations-to-begin-your-day-with-peace-and-strength/

Raising Successful Kids

linda changLeave a comment

I’ve studied over 200 kids—here are 6 ‘magic phrases’ that make children listen to their parents

Reem Raouda, Contributor Published Sun, Aug 31 20259:35 AM EDT

d3sign | Getty

Parents are constantly searching for ways to get their kids to listen. But a lot of us focus too much on trying to get them to obey in the moment, rather than building genuine long-term cooperation.

I’ve studied over 200 parent-child relationships, and I’m a mother myself. I’ve learned that kids listen best when they feel connected. A big part of that is emotional safety: knowing they are respected and have the freedom to express their feelings.

Here are six magic phrases that calm a child’s nervous system and make cooperation feel natural, which is the real secret to getting them to listen.

1. ‘I believe you.’

The moment kids feel doubted (“Did you really mean to do that?”), their defenses go up. They shift from connection into self-protection.

Belief defuses shame and creates safety. When a child feels safe, they can actually hear you.

Example:

Child: “I didn’t spill the juice on purpose!”

Parent: “I believe you. Let’s clean it up together.”

You’re addressing the behavior without getting into an argument.

2. ‘Let’s figure this out together.’

The situation often turns into a standoff when there’s a parent just barking orders. But when kids help solve the problem, they’re more likely to stick to the solution.

Example:

Child refuses to clean up toys.

Parent: “I see you don’t want to clean everything now. Let’s figure this out together. What’s the first step?”

You’re still holding the boundary while preventing power struggles.

3. ‘You can feel this. I’m right here.’

When kids are overwhelmed, they’re in survival mode and logic doesn’t land. Their nervous system is in fight-or-flight, and they need help regulating their emotions. This phrase validates their feelings and assures them they’re not alone, which helps them reset.

Example:

Preschooler has a meltdown when their tower of blocks fall. Instead of “Stop crying, you’re overreacting,” say: “You can feel this. I’m right here.”

You’re letting the wave of emotions pass until they’re ready to re-engage.

4. ‘I’m listening. Tell me what’s going on.’

Before a child will listen to you, they need to feel heard. This simple shift of giving attention before demanding it dissolves resistance. When kids feel understood, they stop trying to push back.

Example:

Child: “I’m never playing with my brother again!”

Parent: “I’m listening. Tell me what’s going on.”

Now you’re uncovering the deeper hurt behind the anger, and that’s the part you can address to help repair both the relationship and the behavior.

5. ‘I hear you. I’m on your side.’

Many meltdowns escalate because kids feel misunderstood or in conflict with the very person they need most. This phrase instantly shifts you from adversary to ally, lowering defenses and opening the door to problem-solving.

Example:

Child: “This homework is stupid! I’m not doing it.”

Parent: “I hear you. I’m on your side. Let’s find a way to make this easier.”

Knowing you’re there to help changes the tone entirely. They’ll be far more likely to meet you halfway.

6. ‘I’ve got you, no matter what.’

Mistakes can trigger shame. But when kids hear this phrase, they learn that love isn’t conditional on performance or perfection.

Example:

Your child breaks a classmate’s project and calls you in tears.

Instead of lecturing, you say: “I’ve got you, no matter what. We’ll make it right together.”

That’s the difference between fear-based compliance and real accountability.  

I always tell parents that if their default is yelling or threatening, then no “magic phrase” will undo the deeper pattern. But when you regularly protect your child’s dignity, make them feel safe, and follow through on boundaries, listening becomes the natural outcome.

Source: https://www.cnbc.com/2025/08/31/child-psychologist-parents-who-raise-kids-who-listen-use-6-magic-phrases.html

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/09/10/raising-successful-kids/

Louise Hay: From Pain to Healing, From Healing to Helping the World

linda changLeave a comment

There are some people whose presence feels like sunlight—warm, gentle, and full of hope. Louise Hay was one of them. An internationally renowned spiritual teacher, best-selling author, and pioneer of the self-help movement, she inspired millions of people around the world to believe in their own healing power. Her landmark book You Can Heal Your Life has sold over 50 million copies in 35 countries, translated into 29 languages, and for many, it sits by the bedside as a trusted guide through life’s storms.

To the world, Louise Hay seemed perfect—healthy, elegant, wise, always radiating grace. Her teachings lifted countless people out of despair, helped them restore their health, and gave them courage to live again. Media across the globe lovingly called her “the closest person to a saint.”

But what made Louise extraordinary was not that her life was flawless—it was that she transformed the deepest wounds into the greatest gifts. Behind her radiant presence was a childhood filled with suffering, abuse, and neglect. It was from that very pain that she forged the wisdom that changed the lives of millions.

1. Falling Amid Misfortune

When Louise was just 18 months old, her parents divorced, abruptly ending her once-happy family life.

At that time, women had little social standing. After the divorce, her mother could only work as a maid to survive, while Louise was sent to live in foster care.

At age five, her mother remarried in the hope of giving Louise a complete home. But this marked the beginning of her nightmare.

Louise was raped by a neighbor, abused and assaulted by her stepfather, and subjected to violence and sexual exploitation. These experiences left her with deep wounds and a lack of self-worth. In her teenage years, as long as a man showed her the slightest kindness, she would give herself to him. By the age of sixteen, she had already given birth to a daughter.

Her childhood was filled with tragedy, and her youth with self-destruction. Those early wounds shaped her into someone who did not know how to love herself.

Yet later in life, Louise chose not to remain trapped in resentment or regret. She said, “No little boy is born a predator, and no little girl is born a victim. These are learned behaviors shaped by childhood experiences.”

2. Awakening and Transformation

In her forties, Louise was diagnosed with cancer. That moment became her wake-up call. She realized how little she had cared for her own body, and she resolved to change.

Instead of following the conventional treatment suggested by her doctors, she turned to what she called “holistic healing.” Within six months, her cancer had disappeared.

Holistic healing, as Louise practiced it, meant changing destructive thought patterns and adopting healthier eating habits. She stopped mourning her unhappy past and stopped blaming her parents. Instead, she came to understand their own painful childhoods.

During her recovery, she ate mostly sprouts and simple natural foods, avoiding processed products entirely. She also trained her mind daily—using positive affirmations, choosing not to let negative emotions dominate her, and seeing every situation through a more uplifting perspective.

Her life changed completely. She documented her experiences and insights in books, which went on to inspire millions and transform countless lives.

3. You Can Choose Your Own Destiny

There are many in this world who have been hurt or are still suffering. Their stories move us deeply.

But as an old Chinese saying goes, “Those who seem pitiable often have traits that make them vulnerable.” In truth, much of life’s suffering continues because, consciously or unconsciously, we allow it. And the root often lies in our formative years.

Take, for example, teenage pregnancies. While news headlines may highlight shocking cases, the majority stem not from coercion but from lack of self-respect or proper knowledge. Similarly, many women trapped in abusive relationships remain because they lack self-worth and the courage to leave.

We cannot rewrite our childhoods, but we can shape our adult lives. As Louise Hay wrote in You Can Heal Your Life: Mindfulness Edition:

“Every negative message you received as a child can be transformed into a positive affirmation.”

If you had an unhappy past, stop feeding yourself negative words. Begin telling yourself: I am worthy of love. I am needed. I have many strengths. I can live the life I choose.

And if doubt still lingers, look at Louise Hay’s journey. Few have endured the kind of suffering she did—yet she lived a life admired and envied by many. If she could, why not you?

In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete.

Life Is Really Very Simple. What We Give Out, We Get Back.  What we think about ourselves becomes the truth for us. I believe that everyone, myself included, is responsible for everything in our lives, the best and the worst. Every thought we think is creating our future. Each one of us creates our experiences by our thoughts and our feelings. The thoughts we think and the words we speak create our experiences.”

Her books may be called “chicken soup for the soul,” but isn’t that exactly what we need sometimes? A warm voice reminding us that we are enough, that healing is possible, and that life can be beautiful again.

You Can Heal Your Life walks us through every stage of existence—childhood pain, love’s struggles, career challenges, health worries, aging, and even the fear of death. Louise’s message is simple but powerful: change your beliefs, and you will change your life.

This “chicken soup” has comforted millions, given them strength, and helped them step into new beginnings.

💖 A Gentle Reminder

If you feel lost, unworthy, or stuck in a cycle of pain—Louise’s story is a light in the darkness. Her life teaches us that healing begins not from the outside, but from within.

No obstacle is too great. No past is too broken. Deep within each of us lies an infinite potential waiting to bloom. When we dare to change our thoughts and love ourselves, life unfolds in colors we never imagined.

Believe it: just like Louise Hay, you too can heal your life—and create a future filled with peace, love, and joy.

Here is the link for the E-book.

Click to access You%20Can%20Heal%20your%20Life%20-%20Louise%20L.%20Hay.pdf

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/09/03/louise-hay-from-pain-to-healing-from-healing-to-helping-the-world/

Thirty Million Words: How a Parent’s Voice Shapes a Child’s Future

linda changLeave a comment

“Imagine a child’s brain as a garden. Every word you speak is like a drop of water nurturing growth.”

One cold winter morning in 1995 at a Chicago hospital, Dr. Dana Suskind, a cochlear implant surgeon, held the small hand of a boy who had just undergone surgery. Technically, the boy could now hear. Yet weeks passed, and he still didn’t speak a word. Dr. Suskind wondered—what was missing? She discovered that while technology could restore hearing, it could not replace something even more vital: the daily language environment a child grows up in. Without rich and loving conversation, the boy’s world remained silent in a deeper sense.

This experience led Dr. Suskind to research the profound role parents play in shaping their children’s language and cognitive development. She founded the Thirty Million Words (TMW) initiative, inspired by a groundbreaking 1995 study by child development researchers Betty Hart and Todd Risley. Hart and Risley discovered a striking reality: by the age of three, children from higher-income families had heard about thirty million more words than children from lower-income families.

From birth to age three, a child’s brain forms 1 million neural connections every second. Every conversation is brain-building—especially when it’s warm, eye-to-eye, and responsive.

Quantity matters—more words create more neural connections.

Quality matters more—it’s not just talking to a child, but engaging with them in responsive conversations.

Children who heard more words also experienced more encouraging interactions, richer vocabulary, and emotionally supportive tones from their parents. Meanwhile, children who heard fewer words were often exposed to more negative or directive language (“Stop that!” “Don’t do this!”) and fewer warm, conversational exchanges. By the time these children entered school, the gap had already set the stage for differences in learning, confidence, and future opportunities.

Dr. Suskind’s TMW initiative encourages parents to intentionally fill their children’s early years with abundant, meaningful, and loving conversation. She emphasizes the Three T’s:

  1. Tune In – Notice what your child is focused on and talk about it.
  2. Talk More – Use a rich variety of words to describe, explain, and explore the world together.
  3. Take Turns – Engage in back-and-forth conversation, even before your child can speak words.

For example:

  • Instead of saying, “Don’t touch that!” try: “That’s sharp, sweetie. Let’s find something safer to play with.”
  • Instead of a quick “Good job,” you might say: “I love how you stacked those blocks so high! You worked so carefully.”
  • During a walk, point to things you see—“Look at that big red leaf!”—and let your child respond, even with just a gesture or sound.

But there’s another crucial element—how you speak. A gentle tone, warm facial expressions, and genuine interest create an emotional space where a child feels safe and valued. Neuroscience shows that when a child feels emotionally secure, their brain is more receptive to learning and language development.

Dr. Suskind’s work reminds us that parents are a child’s first and most influential teachers—not because of expensive toys or formal lessons, but because of the warmth, curiosity, and attention they share through conversation.

You don’t need a degree or a script. Your voice, attention, and curiosity are enough. Whether in the supermarket, on a walk, or during bedtime, every exchange plants seeds for your child’s future thinking, confidence, and empathy.

The goal isn’t to force constant chatter but to weave language naturally into your shared life—reading together before bed, singing songs in the car, talking about the day while cooking dinner. Over time, these small, daily moments accumulate into millions of words, building both vocabulary and a deep sense of connection.

The Thirty Million Words message is clear: Every word you speak to your child is a gift that shapes their mind and heart.

Because one day, those little ears won’t just remember the words you spoke—they’ll carry the mindset, resilience, and love you planted with them.

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2025/08/14/thirty-million-words-how-a-parents-voice-shapes-a-childs-future/

It took me a lot to be this gentle

linda chang1 Comment

By Rye

When you grow up in a house where voices are always raised and love comes with conditions, where apologies never come and mistakes are blamed on you, it’s hard to understand what gentleness even means. I didn’t grow up with soft words or warm hugs. No one told me it was okay to make mistakes, or that I was still loved even when I failed. What I learned was to keep quiet, to survive, to toughen up.

I protected myself by building walls, not by opening up. I kept my emotions inside because showing them only led to being hurt or ignored. I became harsh with myself because that’s how others treated me. I thought strength meant being cold. I thought love had to hurt. I thought being kind to myself was weakness.

But somewhere inside, a quiet voice kept whispering “maybe there’s another way.”

It took years of breaking down and rebuilding myself. It took crying in silence and slowly learning how to listen to what my heart really needed. It meant letting go of old beliefs, painful habits, and the voices in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough.

I had to teach myself how to speak gently not just to others, but to myself.

I had to unlearn the idea that I deserved pain. I had to remind myself, again and again, that softness isn’t weakness. That it’s okay to be tender with a heart that’s been hurt too many times.

Gentleness became a daily choice—on angry days, broken days, on the days when the world told me to toughen up and stop caring.

I’ve learned that gentleness isn’t about pretending things don’t hurt. It’s about holding pain with care. It’s about choosing peace when your past only taught you chaos. It’s showing up with kindness, even when life hasn’t been kind to you.

Now I am gentle but it took everything — every scar, every sleepless night, every painful memory, every lonely moment. I lost myself. Then I found myself again.

So when others call me calm, kind, or soft, they don’t see the storms I survived. They don’t hear the silent nights or feel the weight I carried.

And that’s okay. I didn’t become gentle for others to understand me. I did it so I could breathe. So I could find peace. So I could love others the way I wish someone had loved me. Most of all, so I could finally love myself.

It took me a lot to be this gentle.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Source: https://ryeee.medium.com/it-took-me-a-lot-to-be-this-gentle-4c0801145835

Stop Comparing. Start Living.

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As the saying goes, “Don’t be afraid of not knowing the quality of something—be afraid of comparing one thing with another.” Comparison is a double-edged sword. Without it, there is no disappointment. But once we begin measuring ourselves against others, dissatisfaction creeps in. Comparison is one of the root causes of suffering, and often the very reason happiness eludes us. Much of our pain in life arises not from reality itself, but from our attachments and the distinctions we draw in our minds.

I recently came across a thought-provoking story:
A king once posed a question to a wise man—“If I draw a line on a piece of paper and you’re not allowed to shorten it, how can you make it appear shorter?”
The wise man calmly stepped forward and drew a longer line next to it. Suddenly, the original line seemed shorter, not because it changed, but because of the comparison.

This simple parable reveals a profound truth: dissatisfaction often comes not from our actual circumstances, but from comparing them to someone else’s.

Take a look at real life. I weigh 170 pounds and carry a round belly. But if I constantly compare myself to someone who weighs 140 pounds and is lean and fit, I’ll label myself as “fat.” If I live on $2,000 a month and compare my lifestyle to someone spending $20,000, I’ll think I’m “poor.” But what if I didn’t compare? What if I simply appreciated what I had?

Survival is only part of life’s weight. The heavier burden is comparison. Many people spend their whole lives chasing after what others were born with, only to realize too late that what they’ve always had was someone else’s lifelong dream.

In the classic novel Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils, the character Murong Fu dedicates his entire life to a goal that Duan Yu was born into. Ironically, the woman Duan Yu longs for is someone Murong Fu already had from the beginning. And Ding Chunqiu, who went to great lengths and harmed countless people to get what he wanted, lost in the end to Xuzhu—who gained it all effortlessly, through virtue and sincerity.

We come into this world busying ourselves, striving, chasing after happiness. Yet we become trapped in appearances, constantly looking outward for fulfillment. We complain about stress and pressure, but when we pause to reflect, we often find that we’ve created most of that pressure ourselves—through endless comparison and unrealistic expectations.

It’s unwise—and even harmful—to judge the value of your own life by someone else’s standards. In life, not everything goes our way. If we spend all day comparing ourselves to others, we’ll always feel like something’s missing. But what if we started each day with gratitude instead?

Try this: When you wake up, take three minutes to feel content. Say to yourself with sincerity: “I am grateful for what I have right now. I am content. I am thankful.”
It’s a small act, but it can change your entire mindset.

Comparison doesn’t have to be harmful. It can also be a mirror for growth—if we use it wisely. Rather than feeling inferior and falling into envy or resentment, we can choose to let comparison inspire self-improvement. Let it motivate us to become a better version of ourselves.

And most importantly, compare yourself to your past self.
As a Buddhist disciple, I ask myself daily:

  • Have I improved my spiritual practice compared to yesterday?
  • Have I reduced negative thoughts and actions?
  • Have I done more good today than I did yesterday?

Over time, these small reflections add up. Bit by bit, we grow in virtue, in clarity, in compassion. And when we live this way—progressing each day, anchored in gratitude—we naturally find peace. We naturally move toward liberation and fulfillment.

Be thankful for what you have, right here, right now. Don’t compare. Don’t compete. Contentment is the true path to lasting happiness.

Fill your life with kindness and righteousness. Strengthen your heart and spirit. In a world full of comparisons, choose instead to grow, to give, and to be deeply, joyfully alive.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/05/14/stop-comparing-start-living/

Virginia Satir: A Master of Family Therapy and the Healing Power of Her Words

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When I Am Strong Enough Inside

Virginia Satir (1916–1988) was a trailblazer in the field of family therapy, earning worldwide recognition as a distinguished psychotherapist and one of America’s most influential family therapists. Dubbed “everybody’s family therapist” by Human Behavior magazine, Satir devoted her life to uncovering the complexities of human relationships and exploring the essence of what it means to be human. Her groundbreaking principles for fostering effective family communication continue to be revered and applied by professionals across the globe.

Satir’s legacy extends beyond therapy rooms. Her poetic insights capture the depth of her understanding of human nature and emotions. One of her most touching poems, “When I Am Strong Enough Inside,” serves as a mirror reflecting our inner strength and vulnerability. These verses remind us that the negative voices within us can often overshadow our resilience. However, by engaging with empowering words like hers, we can nurture psychological flexibility and cultivate a more compassionate perspective toward ourselves and others. Here is an excerpt from her poem that encapsulates her profound messag.

When I Am Strong Enough Inside

When I’m strong enough inside,
You blame me,
I feel your pain;
You flatter me,
I see you need approval;
You’re crazy,
I understand your vulnerability and fear;
You interrupt,
I know how much you want to be seen.

When I’m strong enough inside,
I no longer defend,
All the forces,
Free flow between us.
Grievance, depression, guilt, sadness, anger, pain,
When they flow freely.
I feel warm in sorrow,
Find strength in anger,
See hope in pain.

Screenshot

When I’m strong enough inside,
I will not attack.
I know,
When I stop hurting myself,
Then no one can hurt me.
I lay down my arms,
Open heart,
When my heart softens,
In love and compassion,
Meet you bright and warm.

Originally, let the heart strong,
All I need is,
Seeing myself,
Accept what I can’t do,
Appreciate what I’ve done.
And believe,
Through this journey,
Can live out their own, bloom their own.

In these lines, Satir masterfully conveys her belief in the transformative power of understanding the reasons behind others’ actions. Instead of reacting with judgment, she calls on us to see the humanity in others, even when their behavior is challenging.

Her poem continues with a heartfelt reminder that by releasing our own emotions—be it anger, sadness, or guilt—we can uncover strength, warmth, and hope. She encourages us to let go of self-defensiveness, to embrace compassion, and to see ourselves and others with clarity and acceptance.

When I encountered this poem, I was struck by Satir’s tender view of humanity. It eloquently sheds light on behaviors we often judge harshly—blaming, seeking approval, over-rationalizing, or interrupting. Yet, rather than condemning these actions, she invites us to see the vulnerability and pain behind them. This perspective challenged me to think: if my heart were stronger, if I could move beyond my own wounds, perhaps I too could approach the world with such gentle understanding.

Satir’s poem inspires a transformative journey of self-awareness and growth. To build inner strength, she suggests we:

  • See ourselves as we truly are, without judgment.
  • Accept our imperfections with kindness.
  • Appreciate our progress and achievements.
  • Trust in our ability to live authentically and bloom fully.

Her words serve as both a reminder and an invitation—to embrace our humanity, nurture our resilience, and extend the same understanding to others.

Even today, Virginia Satir’s work continues to inspire people to heal, connect, and thrive. Through her profound poetry and her legacy as a master therapist, she reminds us that inner strength and compassion are at the heart of meaningful relationships and a fulfilling life.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/11/12/virginia-satir-a-master-of-family-therapy-and-the-healing-power-of-her-words/