Tag: life

Looking for Love? Two Very Good Reasons to Be Single

linda changLeave a comment

by Nanice Ellis

It is fairly easy to see that society defines us by our relationship status, with those being in committed relationships having more status than those who are single. Friends, family, culture, society, TV, and, even Facebook posts, all tell us that we should be part of a couple.

If I’m honest, I have to admit that I bought into this hook, line and sinker; from the age of fourteen on, there was always a guy in my life. Like most people, having a relationship was of utmost importance, and, as a result, I often compromised other areas of my life. If I wasn’t in some sort of relationship, I felt empty inside, which only reinforced the hunt for Mr. Right.


I was on a perpetual roller coaster ride of seeking, finding, questioning and ultimately, letting go. There was a great deal of heartache and pain on the downside of this endless relationship ride, resulting in two failed marriages, and I don’t know how many “dead-end” relationships.

Sacred Singlehood

Biologically, we need partnership in order to procreate and keep the species going, but with 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t believe this is still the motivation for “needing to be” in a relationship. If we are truthful, our drive to be in relationships is more about personal habit, societal pressure and, yes, the dreaded fear of being alone topping this list.

Many of us even stay in relationships, well past their expiration date, because we think that we won’t find someone “better” and because we are growing older, we are even more afraid to risk being alone.

About ten years ago, I did something I thought I would never do. After a tumultuous break-up, I made a conscious choice to be single. At first, it was quite difficult being single; my relationship-addicted mind still searched for potential partners, but the greater part of me said, “No, not now.” It took me about a year to make peace with being single but even longer to discover the treasures of what I have come to call “Sacred Singlehood.”

Now, this isn’t an advertisement to choose singlehood over couple-hood. I certainly don’t know what is best for anyone, other than myself, but, this is an invitation to give yourself permission to consider who you might be (or become) all by yourself – without a partner.

What if it was okay to be alone, and, at least, for a little while, you gave up the search?

Whether you are experiencing a break-up, thinking about ending a relationship, or searching for that new one, consider that the relationship that you most desire, and the one that can bring you the most joy and fulfillment is with yourself.

Maybe you want a good reason for being single; well, how about two?

Being Single: Reason #1

Become Empowered, Explore Opportunities and Create an Amazing Life!

If you go from being in a relationship to mourning the end of a relationship to looking for a new relationship, where is the time and space for self-exploration?

Having the courage to be single allows you to create sacred space where you get to know yourself and you become your own best friend; from this space of growing confidence and security, you can go past your comfort zone, explore new ideas, travel to interesting places, create masterpieces, develop spiritual connection, take care of your body and mind, and maybe, even heal or strengthen relationships with your children, siblings, parents or friends.

Imagine giving yourself the time and space for emotional, mental, physical and spiritual healing or alignment. This might mean healing beliefs that don’t support you, claiming your unconditional worth and stepping into your intrinsic power. How wise and powerful might you become on a solo journey?

I can’t tell you what would have unfolded in these past ten years, if I had been in a relationship, but, I can tell you that during these sacred years, I experienced tremendous personal growth, spiritual awakening and creative inspiration that resulted in the publishing of several books. As I uncovered who I really am, and I discovered my self-made place in the world, I fell in love with me. Equally as important, my relationship with each of children drastically improved; because there was no longer someone else in the mix trying to influence my radical parenting style, I was free to parent in my own unique way. For this reason alone, my choice to be single was phenomenal.

When you give yourself the gift of being single, it can be the most sacred experience of your life.

Being Single: Reason #2

Meet Your Soul Mate by becoming the perfect partner for your perfect partner.

What if you took the time to really get to know yourself in order to become the person who can attract your ideal mate? Consider that any partner that you attract before you grow into your best self is very different than the partner you will attract from your highest and best self. Mr. Right can’t show up, if you are not yet Ms. Right and vice versa.

Law of Attraction
Maybe we keep meeting the “wrong person” because we don’t measure up to our wants and desires in a partner. In other words, if you desire a partner who is open, honest and communicative, you must be open, honest and communicative. If you desire a partner who is in great shape, spontaneous and adventurous, you must be in great shape, spontaneous and adventurous.

In the quest for your perfect partner, you must be his/her perfect partner. This means that in order to attract your ideal mate, you must really know yourself and be true to your dreams and desires.

It is helpful to make a list of the qualities and attributes that you desire in a partner and rate yourself accordingly. If you don’t score high in each of those same qualities/attributes, according to the law of attraction, you are not yet a perfect match.

In order for the law of attraction to work in relationships, you must become that which you desire in another. Instead of jumping into a new relationship, imagine taking the time to develop these desired qualities and attributes, so that you can become the perfect partner for your perfect partner.

Heal Emotional Wounds
If you keep ending up in relationships where you feel abandoned, misunderstood or unappreciated, chances are, there are some emotional wounds that require healing. If you want to be in an emotionally healthy relationship, you must be emotionally healthy. Being single offers you the time and energy required to heal past wounds, allowing you to align with an emotionally healthy partner.

Afraid of Being Alone
I am going to guess that your perfect partner isn’t afraid of being alone, so, if you want to meet him/her, it is probably necessary to heal any fears of being alone – because, no doubt, you will attract potential partners who align with your fears. This means that if you are afraid of being alone, you will attract someone who is also afraid of being alone, or you will attract someone who will trigger your fear of being alone. If you do not want to attract a relationship based on this fear, it is essential that you fearlessly embrace singlehood.

Filling that Empty Space
Many of us desire a partner to fill the empty space, but it never works because the only one who can ever fill your empty space is you. Being single allows you the opportunity to find yourself and experience fulfillment. Once you fill that space with yourself, you will be a perfect match for a man/woman who is whole, conscious and empowered.

The Desire for Love
Okay, it’s normal to desire a relationship so that we feel loved, but, oftentimes, our relationships leave us feeling unloved. If you want to experience love in a relationship, it is important to take time alone in order to learn to love yourself unconditionally. Your unconditional self-love has the power to attract a partner who also loves him/herself unconditionally and together you can experience unconditional love for each other. This is the foundation for the loving relationship you seek.

Whether you are looking to find yourself or you are seeking a soul mate, being single may hold the answers.

The Point of Sacred Singlehood

The point of Sacred Singlehood is not to be single forever, unless that is what you choose, but, rather to become the highest version of you, who is emotionally secure, confident and free to express uninhibited authenticity, and, then, if you choose to share your life with another, you can attract your ideal partner, who is also consciously authentic, and together you can experience an enlightened paradigm of partnership that is truly amazing.

There is something so beautiful and transformative about being single, and, if I had missed it, I might have missed myself entirely. I am so grateful to my past self for making the courageous decision, and sticking to it.

Whatever your reasons to explore being single, Sacred Singlehood offers a Golden Opportunity where you can become the Real You and create the life you most desire.

About the Author:

As a Conscious Creation Coach since 1997, Nanice teaches mastery level manifestation skills, and, as a result, her powerful coaching style is often referred to as the “Nanice Effect.” Bridging the gap from imagination to realization, Nanice coaches people to live their true dreams. Nanice is the author of several inspirational books including, “Is There a White Elephant in Your Way? – a comprehensive guidebook to awakening and self-empowerment.” Sign up for Nanice’s Free 7 Part Awakening Series. To find out more, please visit www.Nanice.com.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2026/01/27/looking-for-love-two-very-good-reasons-to-be-single/

Source: https://www.beinghappybuddha.com/blogs/insights/looking-for-love-two-very-good-reasons-to-be-single

The Way of the Peaceful Warrior

linda changLeave a comment

On meeting conflict without losing ourselves

There are moments in life when, despite our best intentions and most sincere efforts, things still feel profoundly unfair. Right and wrong seem reversed. The ground beneath us shifts, and our inner balance begins to tilt toward chaos. In those moments, our first instinct is often to react—to defend, to argue, to strike back.

Before you do, pause.

Take a breath.
Return to your body.
Listen to what is happening beneath the noise.

When we step into conflict fueled by “righteous anger,” wounded pride, or a desire for revenge, we rarely restore balance. More often, we simply exchange one form of turmoil for another. Peace quietly slips away.

Holding onto resentment or remaining lodged in the role of the victim keeps us circling the same pain, replaying the same arguments, long after the moment has passed. Whether we choose to walk away with a clear conscience or feel called to stand up for what feels just, one truth remains: every action—and every silence—creates ripples. They shape who we are becoming and touch the lives of those around us.

At first glance, the phrase Peaceful Warrior seems contradictory. Yet a life rooted in peace and integrity demands precisely this paradox.

To be peaceful does not mean to be passive.
To be a warrior does not mean to be aggressive.

True strength lies in seeing beyond illusion and surface drama. It lies in choosing awareness over reflex, clarity over emotional momentum. A Peaceful Warrior does not drift from one reaction to the next; they choose their response with care.

Such a warrior knows how to step back and observe themselves in the heat of the moment. They are capable of decisive action, but their actions are guided by wisdom and oriented toward the greater good. Only genuine courage allows us to respond from the heart, rather than from outdated conditioning and habitual fear.

The next time you find yourself facing opposition, remember this: you can remain present. You can maintain your inner edge without surrendering to fear or hostility. You can stand firmly without hardening your heart.

You can be a Peaceful Warrior.

When life confronts us with injustice, it becomes a quiet test of our spiritual maturity. These reflections may help illuminate the path:

1. Discern Reaction from Response
A reaction is automatic—rooted in survival, memory, and past wounds. A response is conscious, grounded in the present moment. When you feel that surge of heat in your chest, pause and ask: Is this my deeper wisdom speaking, or is it my ego defending its image?

2. Release Attachment to Outcomes
The Bhagavad Gita teaches action without attachment to results. Spiritually, this means doing what is right not for victory or validation, but because it aligns with truth. When the need to “win” dissolves, a quieter, more enduring power emerges—one that cannot be taken from you.

3. Receive the Mirror
Those who unsettle us most often reveal where we are still tender or unhealed. This does not excuse harmful behavior, but it offers insight. Let the discomfort become a question: What within me is asking for strength, clarity, or compassion?

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2026/01/16/the-way-of-the-peaceful-warrior/

𝕸𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖔 𝕸𝖔𝖗𝖎

linda changLeave a comment

𝔏𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔈𝔞𝔠𝔥 𝔇𝔞𝔶 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔓𝔲𝔯𝔭𝔬𝔰𝔢

By 𝐑𝐌𝐒

The hourglass of every life is filled with grains of sand

And through the narrow neck of time our memories all land

Each grain a special yesteryear each grain a dream that’s passed

Lifelong castles built with care in hopes that they would last

Our trips around the dazzling sun are all too precious few

Whether they count twenty-one or even ninety-two

So live your life with purpose and seize each fleeting day

And heed the Good Book’s verses before life slips away

When all of today’s tomorrows have turned to yesterdays

And you add up the joys and sorrows that you faced along the way

In pursuit of life’s bright rainbows and the dreams you dared to dream

The brilliant shooting star shows beyond the moonlit beams

Don’t lose sight of the treasures from which you’d never part

The things that can’t be measured except within your heart

That offer your life meaning and lasting legacy

Your inspiration for dreaming for all the world to see

And as you bid this world adieu and say your last goodbyes

Get showered with the “I love yous” and head toward Heaven’s prize

Take a look around you and count yourself as blessed

For all that you’ve held onto that’s brought you happiness

Your life on Earth will carry on within the hearts and souls

Of the many lives you’ve met along this long and rocky road

From mountains high to ocean shores your journey here is done

So let your wings toward Heaven soar to that home beyond the sun!

“The years of our life are . . . soon gone, and we fly away . . . So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” ~~ Psalm 90:10, 12 (ESV)

“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day.” ~~ Seneca (First Century)

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/12/12/%f0%9d%95%b8%f0%9d%96%8a%f0%9d%96%92%f0%9d%96%8a%f0%9d%96%93%f0%9d%96%99%f0%9d%96%94-%f0%9d%95%b8%f0%9d%96%94%f0%9d%96%97%f0%9d%96%8e/

Source:https://vocal.media/poets/memento-mori-bm2th0nqo

One Page at a Time: Reclaiming Our Minds in the Age of Endless Screens

linda changLeave a comment

In today’s world, our phones are never more than an arm’s length away, and our minds rarely get a moment of true rest. We scroll without thinking, click without choosing, and consume without noticing. But deep inside, many of us feel the same quiet truth—we are losing ourselves in the noise. This post is a small reminder that peace, clarity, and spiritual nourishment are still possible, if we begin to consciously take back our attention.

Instagram Reels, YouTube Shorts, Facebook browsing—what starts as a quick check so easily becomes an hour of mindless scrolling. It’s almost frightening how fast time disappears. Even without TikTok, I can feel the pull of the algorithm shaping my habits, my attention, even my thoughts.

Of course, technology brings wonderful conveniences. We can speak with loved ones across the world instantly, save treasured memories, learn anything we want, and make life easier in countless ways. But lately, I’ve realized something important:

I’m exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

My attention span is scattered. Silence feels uncomfortable. I reach for my phone without thinking. And I’ve begun to wonder—is this what addiction feels like? Knowing you don’t need it, yet still reaching for it anyway?

We all know we’re on our screens too much.
But knowing doesn’t free us.
Conscious action does.

The Real Cost: What Screen Time Is Stealing From You

This isn’t just about an hour lost to Instagram; it’s about the erosion of the most vital parts of our lives. The time we spend staring into a screen is time actively taken away from meaningful, real-world engagement.

Screen time is truly troubling our lives right now:

  • We have less time to exercise. The energy required for a twenty-minute workout is often sacrificed for twenty minutes of passive scrolling on the couch.
  • We have less time to play with kids. Those precious, unrepeatable moments of building a fort or kicking a ball are missed because we’re “just checking” a notification.
  • We have less time to talk to our parents/partners. Authentic, present conversation is replaced by parallel consumption, sitting next to a loved one while both are immersed in separate digital worlds.
  • We have less time for deep, restorative sleep. The blue light, the stimulating content, and the mental chatter we absorb right before bed actively hijack our ability to rest.

A Spiritual Perspective: Why Screen Addiction Makes Us Unhappy

In Buddhism and many spiritual traditions, the mind is described as a lake.
When the surface is constantly stirred—by notifications, news, entertainment—it becomes muddy. We can no longer see clearly. Wisdom, compassion, and calmness all sink beneath the surface.

Excessive screen time:

  • scatters the mind through endless stimulation
  • drains our life-force through constant comparison and craving
  • steals the quiet moments where insight and peace are born
  • pulls us away from real presence—real people, real breath, real living

Spiritual masters remind us:
“Where your attention goes, your life goes.”
If our attention is constantly fragmented, our life becomes fragmented too.

Actionable Suggestions to Reduce Phone & Social Media Time:

StrategyHow It Works
The Friction FolderMove all tempting social media/entertainment apps into one folder on the very last page of your phone screen. This adds just enough friction to make you pause before opening.
Grayscale ModeSwitch your phone display to black and white. Color is a primary driver of attention and addiction; removing it makes the screen less stimulating and less fun to look at.
Set App LimitsUse your phone’s built-in Screen Time settings to put a hard limit (e.g., 30 minutes) on all social media apps. Once you hit it, the app locks for the day.
The “Phone Bed”Designate a charging spot outside your bedroom. Use a traditional alarm clock. Your bedroom should be a sanctuary for sleep and connection, not consumption.
The “Purpose-First” RuleBefore you unlock your phone, state out loud (or in your mind) what you are picking it up to do (“I am checking the weather,” “I am calling Mom”). Complete the task and immediately lock the screen.

Mindful Practices I’m Recommending:

These are small, spiritual steps to reclaim your mind:

  • Put the phone out of sight. What the eyes don’t see, the mind doesn’t crave.
  • Create “sacred screen-free hours.” Mornings or evenings where the mind can rest—like offering ourselves a daily meditation.
  • Return to the breath whenever the urge to scroll pops up. One breath. One pause. One moment of awareness.
  • Read again—slowly, intentionally. A physical book becomes a refuge, a temple for the mind.
  • Replace noise with mindfulness. Walk without headphones. Eat without a screen. Let silence become a friend again.
  • Remind yourself of impermanence. Every moment spent scrolling is a moment of life we never get back.

Little by little, I’m learning to soften the grip that screens have over me.
Not by force, but by nurturing something deeper—presence, clarity, and spiritual freedom.

Do One thing mindfully and intentionally at a time. It’s time to be truly alive again.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/12/04/one-page-at-a-time-reclaiming-our-minds-in-the-age-of-endless-screens/

Source: https://vocal.media/humans/call-of-the-child

The Lesson of the Apple: How a Mother’s Words Shape a Child’s Life

linda chang1 Comment

“A mother’s words can build a child—or break one.”

Recently, while reading a Chinese book on child education, I came across a story that deeply touched my heart. It perfectly illustrates how a mother’s attitude and behavior can influence a child’s entire life. I’d love to share this story with all mothers, as a gentle reminder of the quiet power we hold in shaping our children’s hearts and minds.

🍏 Two Letters, Two Lives

A famous American psychologist once conducted a fascinating study on the lifelong effects of early education. He selected 50 successful people from various fields—leaders, professionals, innovators—and 50 people with criminal records. He wrote to each of them, asking the same question:

“What influence did your mother have on you?”

Two of the replies left a lasting impression on him.
One came from a prominent White House official, the other from a prison inmate.
Surprisingly, both men spoke about the same childhood memory—their mother dividing apples.

🍎 The Prisoner’s Story: The Day He Learned to Lie

The prisoner wrote:

“When I was a child, my mother once brought home several apples—red, green, big, and small.
I immediately wanted the biggest, reddest one. Before I could speak, my little brother shouted, ‘I want the big one!’

My mother frowned and scolded him: ‘A good boy should learn to give the best to others.’

I quickly changed my words and said, ‘Mom, I’ll take the smallest one. Let my brother have the big one.’

My mother smiled proudly, kissed me on the cheek, and rewarded me with the biggest, reddest apple.”

He ended his letter with heartbreakingly honest words:

“That day, I learned that lying could bring rewards.
Later, I learned to cheat, to steal, to fight—anything to get what I wanted.
Today, I am in prison because of the lesson I learned that day.”

🍏 The White House Official’s Story: The Value of Effort

The second letter came from a White House official:

“When I was young, my mother brought home several apples, all different sizes. My brothers and I argued over who would get the biggest one.

Mother held up the largest apple and said, ‘Everyone wants the best, and that’s normal. So let’s have a little contest: I’ll divide the lawn into three sections. Whoever trims their section the fastest and neatest gets the big apple.’

We raced to finish, and I won the apple.”

He continued:

“From that day on, my mother taught us this simple but powerful truth:
If you want the best, you must earn it.

Everything good in our home had to be earned through effort and fairness. She lived by this principle herself. That’s how I learned discipline, persistence, and integrity—lessons that shaped my entire life.”

🌱 A Mother’s Words Are Seeds in a Child’s Heart

Both mothers divided apples.
Both children learned a lesson.
But one learned deception—while the other learned effort.

A mother’s reaction in a single moment, her tone of voice, or even a casual reward can plant seeds deep in a child’s heart.
Those seeds may grow into honesty and strength—or into cunning and selfishness.

Children mirror their mothers.
The way a mother faces life—whether with truth or pretense, effort or avoidance—becomes the way her child faces the world.

Education doesn’t always happen in grand lessons or classrooms.
Sometimes, it happens in small, everyday choices—like how we divide an apple, handle conflict, or teach fairness.

A wise mother uses love and insight to guide her child to understand that:

  • Honesty is more precious than cunning,
  • Effort is more reliable than shortcuts,
  • Sharing brings deeper joy than possessing.

These values, taught through simple acts, become the foundation of a child’s character.

Photo by Ivan Samkov on Pexels.com

A mother’s way of teaching doesn’t just shape a child’s childhood—it molds their destiny.
Every look, every word, every reaction writes silently into a child’s heart the story of who they will become.

May all mothers guide their children with both love and wisdom,
so that the lessons we leave behind are those of kindness, courage, and truth.

Because sometimes, all it takes is one apple—and one mother’s choice—to change a life forever.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/10/27/the-lesson-of-the-apple-how-a-mothers-words-shape-a-childs-life/

It took me a lot to be this gentle

linda chang1 Comment

By Rye

When you grow up in a house where voices are always raised and love comes with conditions, where apologies never come and mistakes are blamed on you, it’s hard to understand what gentleness even means. I didn’t grow up with soft words or warm hugs. No one told me it was okay to make mistakes, or that I was still loved even when I failed. What I learned was to keep quiet, to survive, to toughen up.

I protected myself by building walls, not by opening up. I kept my emotions inside because showing them only led to being hurt or ignored. I became harsh with myself because that’s how others treated me. I thought strength meant being cold. I thought love had to hurt. I thought being kind to myself was weakness.

But somewhere inside, a quiet voice kept whispering “maybe there’s another way.”

It took years of breaking down and rebuilding myself. It took crying in silence and slowly learning how to listen to what my heart really needed. It meant letting go of old beliefs, painful habits, and the voices in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough.

I had to teach myself how to speak gently not just to others, but to myself.

I had to unlearn the idea that I deserved pain. I had to remind myself, again and again, that softness isn’t weakness. That it’s okay to be tender with a heart that’s been hurt too many times.

Gentleness became a daily choice—on angry days, broken days, on the days when the world told me to toughen up and stop caring.

I’ve learned that gentleness isn’t about pretending things don’t hurt. It’s about holding pain with care. It’s about choosing peace when your past only taught you chaos. It’s showing up with kindness, even when life hasn’t been kind to you.

Now I am gentle but it took everything — every scar, every sleepless night, every painful memory, every lonely moment. I lost myself. Then I found myself again.

So when others call me calm, kind, or soft, they don’t see the storms I survived. They don’t hear the silent nights or feel the weight I carried.

And that’s okay. I didn’t become gentle for others to understand me. I did it so I could breathe. So I could find peace. So I could love others the way I wish someone had loved me. Most of all, so I could finally love myself.

It took me a lot to be this gentle.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Source: https://ryeee.medium.com/it-took-me-a-lot-to-be-this-gentle-4c0801145835

How I Quit Smoking After 20+ Years — Thanks to the Buddha Dharma of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III

linda changLeave a comment

During my school days, I unknowingly picked up the bad habit of smoking. After entering the workforce as a designer, the nature of my job required prolonged thinking, which led me to smoke incessantly. Sometimes, I would smoke over 60 cigarettes a day, staining my fingers a light yellow. The smell of tobacco lingered on my hands, and even when I brought them close to my nose, I could still sense the scent. Despite knowing how harmful smoking was to my health, I simply couldn’t quit.

I always felt that smoking was a form of enjoyment. Being frugal, I would smoke cheaper cigarettes when alone and keep a better pack for social occasions. Smoking also came with a significant financial cost. In my early working years, money was tight, and I couldn’t always afford cigarettes. Often, I bought just one or two loose cigarettes. Sometimes, I would smoke a cigarette in multiple sittings—lighting it, taking a couple of puffs, extinguishing it, and repeating the process. When I had no cigarettes, I would secretly pick up discarded cigarette butts to smoke. Occasionally, I even picked up others’ cigarette butts—how miserable it was just to satisfy my smoking habit! Even now, an old classmate of mine still teases me about how, back in the day, I would visit him for a meal when I was broke. After eating, I would crave a cigarette and would blurt out, “A cigarette after a meal is better than being an immortal!” This classmate, who never smoked, still brings up this incident to mock me.

Later on, although I could afford cigarettes, I knew deep down that smoking was not a good thing. The numerous “No Smoking” signs everywhere made it clear that smoking was frowned upon. I couldn’t smoke freely in public and had to step outside no-smoking areas when I couldn’t resist the urge. Even at home, I couldn’t smoke at ease. To avoid annoying my family and exposing them to secondhand smoke, I had to hide away on the balcony to smoke. This furtive way of smoking made me feel like a thief, carrying a constant sense of guilt.

“You’re just taking a puff of smoke into your lungs and then exhaling it—what’s the point?” My wife often said this to me. She was right; there was no real meaning to it. I was spending money to harm my own health. So, I made up my mind to quit smoking!

However, quitting a habit cultivated over twenty years was no easy task. I tried every quitting method I heard of—keeping snacks in my pocket to replace cigarettes, writing a quit-smoking journal, telling people I was quitting so they could hold me accountable, and even just holding a cigarette without lighting it. I experimented with all these strategies. At best, I lasted four or five days; my longest attempt lasted three to four months. But I always ended up relapsing. Every time I finished a cigarette, I immediately regretted it and resolved to quit again. This cycle repeated endlessly—I quit, then smoked again, and then quit again. I both hated and loved smoking. I wanted to quit but just couldn’t. Quitting smoking was truly not easy.

After so many failed attempts, no one believed I could do it anymore. People would just smile knowingly when I mentioned quitting, and even I lost hope in myself. But then, due to an extraordinarily auspicious connection, I encountered the Buddha Dharma as taught by H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, who is no different from Shakyamuni Buddha. This profoundly touched my heart. I realized that this bad habit was leading me toward degeneration, so I firmly resolved to quit smoking.

I started using the money I would have spent on cigarettes to buy fruits as offerings to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, increasing my merits. Sometimes, I used it to release captive animals or to show filial respect to my parents. This time, quitting smoking felt surprisingly effortless. My wife was amazed and praised the power of Buddha Dharma, marveling at how I had truly succeeded in quitting.

Once, a Dharma brother was setting up a Buddhist shrine in his factory. A highly virtuous master traveled from afar to lead the ceremony. More than thirty of us gathered to celebrate, and everything was prepared—except that we couldn’t find a lighter to light the lamps. No one in the group smoked, so no one had a lighter. Eventually, someone had to step outside to borrow one. At that moment, I was struck by how remarkable Buddhist disciples were—out of so many people, not a single one smoked. I thought, Surely, many of them, like me, must have quit smoking. When I asked a fellow practitioner if he had a lighter, he just smiled knowingly and shook his head.

After quitting smoking, I no longer coughed or felt nauseous when brushing my teeth in the morning. I felt lighter, both physically and mentally. However, the habit formed over nearly thirty years didn’t just disappear overnight. For a long time—sometimes even one or two years later—after dinner, I would pace back and forth on the balcony, feeling like I was supposed to be doing something but not knowing what. Only after thinking for a while would I realize, Oh! It’s the old smoking habit. This proved just how difficult it is to break ingrained habits. Truly, “A leopard cannot change its spots.”

Yet, after much effort, I finally broke the long-standing smoking habit. I realized that smoking was simply a habit, and not smoking was also a habit. H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III teaches: “All phenomena become natural through habit.” That is why we must be cautious not to develop bad habits, as they can easily become ingrained. Instead, we should cultivate good habits, no matter how small, and continue to practice them.

After I quit smoking, my old friends were impressed: “You have incredible willpower!” “You’re so determined!” Receiving praise naturally felt good—much better than being criticized. I would joyfully reply, “Yes, I quit! I know this was the power of Buddha Dharma.”

Indeed, life is like a puff of smoke—it quickly vanishes into thin air. No matter how enjoyable, it is nothing more than fleeting mist. Only by maintaining good health can we have a future. Now, whenever I hold a cigarette in my hand, I smile at my past ignorance and feel grateful for my present success.

Today, as I embark on a new journey, how could I ever harm myself again? I shall light an eternal lamp in my heart, illuminating the path of my Buddhist practice with the radiant light of wisdom.

Written by: Ming Xun
Edited by: Bodhi Seed & Others

How I Quit Smoking After 20+ Years — Thanks to the Buddha Dharma of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III

Link: https://dharma-hhdorjechangbuddhaiii.org/how-i-quit-smoking-after-20-years-thanks-to-the-buddha-dharma-of-h-h-dorje-chang-buddha-iii/

#DorjeChangBuddhaIII #HHDorjeChangBuddhaIII #Buddha #Dharma #BuddhaDharma #QuitSmoking #Smoking

Discovering Wisdom in Everyday Life: Sima Yi’s Timeless Philosophy

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Have you ever found yourself judging someone based on their flaws, only to realize later that you missed seeing their good qualities? In a world where we’re quick to notice shortcomings, Sima Yi (司馬懿), a brilliant statesman and military strategist of ancient China, offers a refreshing perspective:

“If one focuses on others’ shortcomings, there will be no one in the world worthy of association; but if one looks at their strengths, everyone can be a teacher.”

Sima Yi was a towering figure of the Three Kingdoms period in Chinese history. Known for his brilliance as a statesman and military strategist, he served under three generations of Wei rulers—Cao Cao, Cao Pi, and Cao Rui. His simple yet profound insight encourages us to shift our focus from criticism to appreciation—a practice that can transform not only our relationships but also our outlook on life.

How This Wisdom Applies to Us Today

Let’s face it, we all navigate relationships daily—whether at work, with friends, or within our families. And let’s be honest, people can be frustrating! A colleague might miss a deadline, a friend might cancel plans last minute, or a family member might nag you endlessly. It’s easy to dwell on these shortcomings. But what if, instead, we made a conscious effort to notice their strengths?

That colleague might be a creative genius, your friend might have a generous heart, and your family member might only want the best for you. This small shift in perspective can turn frustration into appreciation and conflict into connection.

I know someone who has mastered this mindset. He’s one of those people who can walk into a room full of strangers and leave with everyone feeling uplifted. Curious about how he does it, I once asked him his secret. His response was striking:

“If one focuses on others’ shortcomings, there will be no one in the world worthy of association. But if one looks at their strengths, everyone can be a teacher.”

This principle is at the core of how he interacts with people, and it shapes his approach to life:

  • Learning from those stronger than him: When he meets someone successful, he doesn’t feel intimidated or envious. Instead, he actively seeks to learn from them. Once, at a networking event, he struck up a conversation with a prominent entrepreneur. While most people kept their distance, he walked away with new insights and a potential mentor.
  • Finding harmony with equals: In competitive environments, he doesn’t see peers as threats but as partners. By yielding a little when disagreements arise, he often finds ways to collaborate that benefit everyone involved.
  • Helping those less capable: He’s quick to lend a hand to someone struggling. Whether it’s helping a colleague with a difficult task or mentoring a junior team member, his generosity earns him respect and trust.
  • Respecting elders: He genuinely values the wisdom of those who’ve walked life’s path before him, always showing them gratitude and deference.

This approach to life isn’t just about being a “nice person.” It’s about creating opportunities for growth, connection, and happiness. When we focus on others’ strengths instead of their flaws, we:

  1. Build better relationships: People appreciate being valued for their good qualities.
  2. Learn and grow: Everyone has something to teach us, from practical skills to life lessons.
  3. Feel more positive: Seeing the good in others often helps us see the good in ourselves.

How to Practice Sima Yi’s Philosophy

Here’s how you can start applying this wisdom in your daily life:

  1. Pause before judging: The next time someone irritates you, take a moment to think about their strengths. What do they bring to the table?
  2. Ask questions: When you meet someone new, instead of focusing on surface-level impressions, ask about their experiences or skills. You might discover something inspiring.
  3. Be generous: Whether it’s a compliment, advice, or a helping hand, giving a little can create a lot of goodwill.
  4. Respect experience: Take time to listen to the stories of older generations. Their insights might surprise you.

Life is full of interactions, and every person you meet has a unique story, skill, or quality to offer. By shifting your perspective from criticism to appreciation, you’ll not only build stronger connections but also create a richer, more fulfilling life.

Sima Yi’s timeless wisdom reminds us that everyone we meet—whether a boss, a rival, or a stranger—can teach us something valuable. The next time you’re tempted to judge someone, ask yourself:

“What can I learn from this person?”

The answer might just change your life.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/12/12/discovering-wisdom-in-everyday-life-sima-yis-timeless-philosophy/

Desiderata

linda changLeave a comment

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Written in 1927 by American poet Max Ehrmann, Desiderata is a timeless poem that continues to inspire readers with its gentle, universal wisdom. The title, meaning “things desired” in Latin, perfectly reflects the poem’s themes of peace, authenticity, and compassion.

Ehrmann composed this prose poem to guide people in living a meaningful life. Though it gained widespread recognition only decades later, Desiderata resonates deeply with readers across generations. Its advice—such as staying calm amid chaos, embracing individuality, and showing kindness—feels especially relevant in today’s fast-paced world.

The poem also carries a spiritual undertone, encouraging acceptance of life’s challenges while celebrating its beauty. Its words remind us to live mindfully, cherish our unique paths, and find serenity in our connection to the larger universe.

In a world where noise and haste often dominate, Desiderata offers a calming presence and serves as a reminder to align our lives with values that bring lasting peace and joy. Whether you’re encountering it for the first time or revisiting its wisdom, this poem remains a meaningful touchstone for navigating modern life with grace.

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2024/12/06/desiderata/

Source: https://www.cse.cuhk.edu.hk/~cslui/desiderata.html

I Want to Love You

linda changLeave a comment

Virginia Satir’s Wisdom on Love and Relationships

I want to love you without clutching,
Appreciate you without judging,
Join you without invading,
Invite you without demanding,
Leave you without guilt,
Criticize you without blaming,
And help you without insulting.
If I can have the same from you,
then we can truly meet and enrich each other.

Virginia Satir, a trailblazer in family therapy, is celebrated for her profound understanding of human emotions and relationships. Her timeless poem I Want to Love You encapsulates the essence of love in tender, insightful language. Satir invites us to redefine love as not merely an emotional bond but an intentional practice rooted in respect, understanding, and wisdom. (Photo from Wikimedia commons)

Satir emphasized the importance of nurturing love that is healthy, respectful, and boundaries. Her work reveals that true love fosters connection, trust, and mutual growth. This approach provides a blueprint for enriching relationships, particularly within families and marriages, where deep emotional bonds often coexist with challenges.

Love in Parent-Child Relationships

Satir’s therapeutic approach frequently emphasized parenting as a delicate balance of nurturing and letting go. One of her core principles was the importance of validating children’s emotions and individuality.

She often used metaphors to illustrate her points. For instance, she likened parenting to tending a garden: “You water the seeds, but you cannot decide how each flower will bloom.” This philosophy highlights the role of parents in providing unconditional support during early childhood while allowing space for independence as the child matures.

A famous anecdote from her work involved a mother who struggled with her teenage daughter’s rebellion. Satir encouraged the mother to write a letter expressing her love without judgment. This simple act fostered a renewed connection, demonstrating how acknowledgment and respect can rebuild bonds.

Parenting, as Satir taught, is about cultivating trust and allowing children to flourish as autonomous individuals, experiencing love as a source of empowerment rather than control.

Cultivating Love in Marital Bonds

Satir believed that love in marriage thrives on mutual respect, clear communication, and intentional effort. She often used her Family Sculpting technique to help couples visualize the dynamics of their relationship. By arranging family members to represent emotional closeness and distance, couples could see the need for adjustments in their behavior.

For instance, Satir once worked with a couple where the wife felt unheard. By “sculpting” the wife seated with her back to the husband, the couple visualized their emotional disconnection. This powerful exercise led to a heartfelt conversation where both partners committed to active listening and mutual validation.

In practice, Satir advocated for specific behaviors to nurture marital love:

  • A wife can replace nagging with encouragement and complaints with collaboration, creating a foundation of trust and partnership.
  • A husband can demonstrate responsibility through actions rather than words, replacing criticism with appreciation and patience.

These small, intentional changes can transform the atmosphere of a marriage, fostering harmony and mutual growth.

In all relationships—whether between parents and children or spouses—Satir emphasized equality, respect, and tolerance. She taught that love devoid of attachment, judgment, or control becomes a source of profound warmth and harmony.

Satir’s work inspires us to approach love as a life-affirming practice, one that enriches our connections and empowers personal growth. Whether through her transformative therapy sessions or the tender verses of her poetry, she reminds us that love is not just an emotion but a lifelong commitment to nurturing ourselves and those around us.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/11/21/i-want-to-love-you/