Tag: life

𝕸𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖔 𝕸𝖔𝖗𝖎

linda changLeave a comment

𝔏𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔈𝔞𝔠𝔥 𝔇𝔞𝔶 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔓𝔲𝔯𝔭𝔬𝔰𝔢

By 𝐑𝐌𝐒

The hourglass of every life is filled with grains of sand

And through the narrow neck of time our memories all land

Each grain a special yesteryear each grain a dream that’s passed

Lifelong castles built with care in hopes that they would last

Our trips around the dazzling sun are all too precious few

Whether they count twenty-one or even ninety-two

So live your life with purpose and seize each fleeting day

And heed the Good Book’s verses before life slips away

When all of today’s tomorrows have turned to yesterdays

And you add up the joys and sorrows that you faced along the way

In pursuit of life’s bright rainbows and the dreams you dared to dream

The brilliant shooting star shows beyond the moonlit beams

Don’t lose sight of the treasures from which you’d never part

The things that can’t be measured except within your heart

That offer your life meaning and lasting legacy

Your inspiration for dreaming for all the world to see

And as you bid this world adieu and say your last goodbyes

Get showered with the “I love yous” and head toward Heaven’s prize

Take a look around you and count yourself as blessed

For all that you’ve held onto that’s brought you happiness

Your life on Earth will carry on within the hearts and souls

Of the many lives you’ve met along this long and rocky road

From mountains high to ocean shores your journey here is done

So let your wings toward Heaven soar to that home beyond the sun!

“The years of our life are . . . soon gone, and we fly away . . . So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” ~~ Psalm 90:10, 12 (ESV)

“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day.” ~~ Seneca (First Century)

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/12/12/%f0%9d%95%b8%f0%9d%96%8a%f0%9d%96%92%f0%9d%96%8a%f0%9d%96%93%f0%9d%96%99%f0%9d%96%94-%f0%9d%95%b8%f0%9d%96%94%f0%9d%96%97%f0%9d%96%8e/

Source:https://vocal.media/poets/memento-mori-bm2th0nqo

One Page at a Time: Reclaiming Our Minds in the Age of Endless Screens

linda changLeave a comment

In today’s world, our phones are never more than an arm’s length away, and our minds rarely get a moment of true rest. We scroll without thinking, click without choosing, and consume without noticing. But deep inside, many of us feel the same quiet truth—we are losing ourselves in the noise. This post is a small reminder that peace, clarity, and spiritual nourishment are still possible, if we begin to consciously take back our attention.

Instagram Reels, YouTube Shorts, Facebook browsing—what starts as a quick check so easily becomes an hour of mindless scrolling. It’s almost frightening how fast time disappears. Even without TikTok, I can feel the pull of the algorithm shaping my habits, my attention, even my thoughts.

Of course, technology brings wonderful conveniences. We can speak with loved ones across the world instantly, save treasured memories, learn anything we want, and make life easier in countless ways. But lately, I’ve realized something important:

I’m exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

My attention span is scattered. Silence feels uncomfortable. I reach for my phone without thinking. And I’ve begun to wonder—is this what addiction feels like? Knowing you don’t need it, yet still reaching for it anyway?

We all know we’re on our screens too much.
But knowing doesn’t free us.
Conscious action does.

The Real Cost: What Screen Time Is Stealing From You

This isn’t just about an hour lost to Instagram; it’s about the erosion of the most vital parts of our lives. The time we spend staring into a screen is time actively taken away from meaningful, real-world engagement.

Screen time is truly troubling our lives right now:

  • We have less time to exercise. The energy required for a twenty-minute workout is often sacrificed for twenty minutes of passive scrolling on the couch.
  • We have less time to play with kids. Those precious, unrepeatable moments of building a fort or kicking a ball are missed because we’re “just checking” a notification.
  • We have less time to talk to our parents/partners. Authentic, present conversation is replaced by parallel consumption, sitting next to a loved one while both are immersed in separate digital worlds.
  • We have less time for deep, restorative sleep. The blue light, the stimulating content, and the mental chatter we absorb right before bed actively hijack our ability to rest.

A Spiritual Perspective: Why Screen Addiction Makes Us Unhappy

In Buddhism and many spiritual traditions, the mind is described as a lake.
When the surface is constantly stirred—by notifications, news, entertainment—it becomes muddy. We can no longer see clearly. Wisdom, compassion, and calmness all sink beneath the surface.

Excessive screen time:

  • scatters the mind through endless stimulation
  • drains our life-force through constant comparison and craving
  • steals the quiet moments where insight and peace are born
  • pulls us away from real presence—real people, real breath, real living

Spiritual masters remind us:
“Where your attention goes, your life goes.”
If our attention is constantly fragmented, our life becomes fragmented too.

Actionable Suggestions to Reduce Phone & Social Media Time:

StrategyHow It Works
The Friction FolderMove all tempting social media/entertainment apps into one folder on the very last page of your phone screen. This adds just enough friction to make you pause before opening.
Grayscale ModeSwitch your phone display to black and white. Color is a primary driver of attention and addiction; removing it makes the screen less stimulating and less fun to look at.
Set App LimitsUse your phone’s built-in Screen Time settings to put a hard limit (e.g., 30 minutes) on all social media apps. Once you hit it, the app locks for the day.
The “Phone Bed”Designate a charging spot outside your bedroom. Use a traditional alarm clock. Your bedroom should be a sanctuary for sleep and connection, not consumption.
The “Purpose-First” RuleBefore you unlock your phone, state out loud (or in your mind) what you are picking it up to do (“I am checking the weather,” “I am calling Mom”). Complete the task and immediately lock the screen.

Mindful Practices I’m Recommending:

These are small, spiritual steps to reclaim your mind:

  • Put the phone out of sight. What the eyes don’t see, the mind doesn’t crave.
  • Create “sacred screen-free hours.” Mornings or evenings where the mind can rest—like offering ourselves a daily meditation.
  • Return to the breath whenever the urge to scroll pops up. One breath. One pause. One moment of awareness.
  • Read again—slowly, intentionally. A physical book becomes a refuge, a temple for the mind.
  • Replace noise with mindfulness. Walk without headphones. Eat without a screen. Let silence become a friend again.
  • Remind yourself of impermanence. Every moment spent scrolling is a moment of life we never get back.

Little by little, I’m learning to soften the grip that screens have over me.
Not by force, but by nurturing something deeper—presence, clarity, and spiritual freedom.

Do One thing mindfully and intentionally at a time. It’s time to be truly alive again.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/12/04/one-page-at-a-time-reclaiming-our-minds-in-the-age-of-endless-screens/

Source: https://vocal.media/humans/call-of-the-child

The Lesson of the Apple: How a Mother’s Words Shape a Child’s Life

linda chang1 Comment

“A mother’s words can build a child—or break one.”

Recently, while reading a Chinese book on child education, I came across a story that deeply touched my heart. It perfectly illustrates how a mother’s attitude and behavior can influence a child’s entire life. I’d love to share this story with all mothers, as a gentle reminder of the quiet power we hold in shaping our children’s hearts and minds.

🍏 Two Letters, Two Lives

A famous American psychologist once conducted a fascinating study on the lifelong effects of early education. He selected 50 successful people from various fields—leaders, professionals, innovators—and 50 people with criminal records. He wrote to each of them, asking the same question:

“What influence did your mother have on you?”

Two of the replies left a lasting impression on him.
One came from a prominent White House official, the other from a prison inmate.
Surprisingly, both men spoke about the same childhood memory—their mother dividing apples.

🍎 The Prisoner’s Story: The Day He Learned to Lie

The prisoner wrote:

“When I was a child, my mother once brought home several apples—red, green, big, and small.
I immediately wanted the biggest, reddest one. Before I could speak, my little brother shouted, ‘I want the big one!’

My mother frowned and scolded him: ‘A good boy should learn to give the best to others.’

I quickly changed my words and said, ‘Mom, I’ll take the smallest one. Let my brother have the big one.’

My mother smiled proudly, kissed me on the cheek, and rewarded me with the biggest, reddest apple.”

He ended his letter with heartbreakingly honest words:

“That day, I learned that lying could bring rewards.
Later, I learned to cheat, to steal, to fight—anything to get what I wanted.
Today, I am in prison because of the lesson I learned that day.”

🍏 The White House Official’s Story: The Value of Effort

The second letter came from a White House official:

“When I was young, my mother brought home several apples, all different sizes. My brothers and I argued over who would get the biggest one.

Mother held up the largest apple and said, ‘Everyone wants the best, and that’s normal. So let’s have a little contest: I’ll divide the lawn into three sections. Whoever trims their section the fastest and neatest gets the big apple.’

We raced to finish, and I won the apple.”

He continued:

“From that day on, my mother taught us this simple but powerful truth:
If you want the best, you must earn it.

Everything good in our home had to be earned through effort and fairness. She lived by this principle herself. That’s how I learned discipline, persistence, and integrity—lessons that shaped my entire life.”

🌱 A Mother’s Words Are Seeds in a Child’s Heart

Both mothers divided apples.
Both children learned a lesson.
But one learned deception—while the other learned effort.

A mother’s reaction in a single moment, her tone of voice, or even a casual reward can plant seeds deep in a child’s heart.
Those seeds may grow into honesty and strength—or into cunning and selfishness.

Children mirror their mothers.
The way a mother faces life—whether with truth or pretense, effort or avoidance—becomes the way her child faces the world.

Education doesn’t always happen in grand lessons or classrooms.
Sometimes, it happens in small, everyday choices—like how we divide an apple, handle conflict, or teach fairness.

A wise mother uses love and insight to guide her child to understand that:

  • Honesty is more precious than cunning,
  • Effort is more reliable than shortcuts,
  • Sharing brings deeper joy than possessing.

These values, taught through simple acts, become the foundation of a child’s character.

Photo by Ivan Samkov on Pexels.com

A mother’s way of teaching doesn’t just shape a child’s childhood—it molds their destiny.
Every look, every word, every reaction writes silently into a child’s heart the story of who they will become.

May all mothers guide their children with both love and wisdom,
so that the lessons we leave behind are those of kindness, courage, and truth.

Because sometimes, all it takes is one apple—and one mother’s choice—to change a life forever.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/10/27/the-lesson-of-the-apple-how-a-mothers-words-shape-a-childs-life/

It took me a lot to be this gentle

linda chang1 Comment

By Rye

When you grow up in a house where voices are always raised and love comes with conditions, where apologies never come and mistakes are blamed on you, it’s hard to understand what gentleness even means. I didn’t grow up with soft words or warm hugs. No one told me it was okay to make mistakes, or that I was still loved even when I failed. What I learned was to keep quiet, to survive, to toughen up.

I protected myself by building walls, not by opening up. I kept my emotions inside because showing them only led to being hurt or ignored. I became harsh with myself because that’s how others treated me. I thought strength meant being cold. I thought love had to hurt. I thought being kind to myself was weakness.

But somewhere inside, a quiet voice kept whispering “maybe there’s another way.”

It took years of breaking down and rebuilding myself. It took crying in silence and slowly learning how to listen to what my heart really needed. It meant letting go of old beliefs, painful habits, and the voices in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough.

I had to teach myself how to speak gently not just to others, but to myself.

I had to unlearn the idea that I deserved pain. I had to remind myself, again and again, that softness isn’t weakness. That it’s okay to be tender with a heart that’s been hurt too many times.

Gentleness became a daily choice—on angry days, broken days, on the days when the world told me to toughen up and stop caring.

I’ve learned that gentleness isn’t about pretending things don’t hurt. It’s about holding pain with care. It’s about choosing peace when your past only taught you chaos. It’s showing up with kindness, even when life hasn’t been kind to you.

Now I am gentle but it took everything — every scar, every sleepless night, every painful memory, every lonely moment. I lost myself. Then I found myself again.

So when others call me calm, kind, or soft, they don’t see the storms I survived. They don’t hear the silent nights or feel the weight I carried.

And that’s okay. I didn’t become gentle for others to understand me. I did it so I could breathe. So I could find peace. So I could love others the way I wish someone had loved me. Most of all, so I could finally love myself.

It took me a lot to be this gentle.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Source: https://ryeee.medium.com/it-took-me-a-lot-to-be-this-gentle-4c0801145835

How I Quit Smoking After 20+ Years — Thanks to the Buddha Dharma of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III

linda changLeave a comment

During my school days, I unknowingly picked up the bad habit of smoking. After entering the workforce as a designer, the nature of my job required prolonged thinking, which led me to smoke incessantly. Sometimes, I would smoke over 60 cigarettes a day, staining my fingers a light yellow. The smell of tobacco lingered on my hands, and even when I brought them close to my nose, I could still sense the scent. Despite knowing how harmful smoking was to my health, I simply couldn’t quit.

I always felt that smoking was a form of enjoyment. Being frugal, I would smoke cheaper cigarettes when alone and keep a better pack for social occasions. Smoking also came with a significant financial cost. In my early working years, money was tight, and I couldn’t always afford cigarettes. Often, I bought just one or two loose cigarettes. Sometimes, I would smoke a cigarette in multiple sittings—lighting it, taking a couple of puffs, extinguishing it, and repeating the process. When I had no cigarettes, I would secretly pick up discarded cigarette butts to smoke. Occasionally, I even picked up others’ cigarette butts—how miserable it was just to satisfy my smoking habit! Even now, an old classmate of mine still teases me about how, back in the day, I would visit him for a meal when I was broke. After eating, I would crave a cigarette and would blurt out, “A cigarette after a meal is better than being an immortal!” This classmate, who never smoked, still brings up this incident to mock me.

Later on, although I could afford cigarettes, I knew deep down that smoking was not a good thing. The numerous “No Smoking” signs everywhere made it clear that smoking was frowned upon. I couldn’t smoke freely in public and had to step outside no-smoking areas when I couldn’t resist the urge. Even at home, I couldn’t smoke at ease. To avoid annoying my family and exposing them to secondhand smoke, I had to hide away on the balcony to smoke. This furtive way of smoking made me feel like a thief, carrying a constant sense of guilt.

“You’re just taking a puff of smoke into your lungs and then exhaling it—what’s the point?” My wife often said this to me. She was right; there was no real meaning to it. I was spending money to harm my own health. So, I made up my mind to quit smoking!

However, quitting a habit cultivated over twenty years was no easy task. I tried every quitting method I heard of—keeping snacks in my pocket to replace cigarettes, writing a quit-smoking journal, telling people I was quitting so they could hold me accountable, and even just holding a cigarette without lighting it. I experimented with all these strategies. At best, I lasted four or five days; my longest attempt lasted three to four months. But I always ended up relapsing. Every time I finished a cigarette, I immediately regretted it and resolved to quit again. This cycle repeated endlessly—I quit, then smoked again, and then quit again. I both hated and loved smoking. I wanted to quit but just couldn’t. Quitting smoking was truly not easy.

After so many failed attempts, no one believed I could do it anymore. People would just smile knowingly when I mentioned quitting, and even I lost hope in myself. But then, due to an extraordinarily auspicious connection, I encountered the Buddha Dharma as taught by H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, who is no different from Shakyamuni Buddha. This profoundly touched my heart. I realized that this bad habit was leading me toward degeneration, so I firmly resolved to quit smoking.

I started using the money I would have spent on cigarettes to buy fruits as offerings to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, increasing my merits. Sometimes, I used it to release captive animals or to show filial respect to my parents. This time, quitting smoking felt surprisingly effortless. My wife was amazed and praised the power of Buddha Dharma, marveling at how I had truly succeeded in quitting.

Once, a Dharma brother was setting up a Buddhist shrine in his factory. A highly virtuous master traveled from afar to lead the ceremony. More than thirty of us gathered to celebrate, and everything was prepared—except that we couldn’t find a lighter to light the lamps. No one in the group smoked, so no one had a lighter. Eventually, someone had to step outside to borrow one. At that moment, I was struck by how remarkable Buddhist disciples were—out of so many people, not a single one smoked. I thought, Surely, many of them, like me, must have quit smoking. When I asked a fellow practitioner if he had a lighter, he just smiled knowingly and shook his head.

After quitting smoking, I no longer coughed or felt nauseous when brushing my teeth in the morning. I felt lighter, both physically and mentally. However, the habit formed over nearly thirty years didn’t just disappear overnight. For a long time—sometimes even one or two years later—after dinner, I would pace back and forth on the balcony, feeling like I was supposed to be doing something but not knowing what. Only after thinking for a while would I realize, Oh! It’s the old smoking habit. This proved just how difficult it is to break ingrained habits. Truly, “A leopard cannot change its spots.”

Yet, after much effort, I finally broke the long-standing smoking habit. I realized that smoking was simply a habit, and not smoking was also a habit. H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III teaches: “All phenomena become natural through habit.” That is why we must be cautious not to develop bad habits, as they can easily become ingrained. Instead, we should cultivate good habits, no matter how small, and continue to practice them.

After I quit smoking, my old friends were impressed: “You have incredible willpower!” “You’re so determined!” Receiving praise naturally felt good—much better than being criticized. I would joyfully reply, “Yes, I quit! I know this was the power of Buddha Dharma.”

Indeed, life is like a puff of smoke—it quickly vanishes into thin air. No matter how enjoyable, it is nothing more than fleeting mist. Only by maintaining good health can we have a future. Now, whenever I hold a cigarette in my hand, I smile at my past ignorance and feel grateful for my present success.

Today, as I embark on a new journey, how could I ever harm myself again? I shall light an eternal lamp in my heart, illuminating the path of my Buddhist practice with the radiant light of wisdom.

Written by: Ming Xun
Edited by: Bodhi Seed & Others

How I Quit Smoking After 20+ Years — Thanks to the Buddha Dharma of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III

Link: https://dharma-hhdorjechangbuddhaiii.org/how-i-quit-smoking-after-20-years-thanks-to-the-buddha-dharma-of-h-h-dorje-chang-buddha-iii/

#DorjeChangBuddhaIII #HHDorjeChangBuddhaIII #Buddha #Dharma #BuddhaDharma #QuitSmoking #Smoking

Discovering Wisdom in Everyday Life: Sima Yi’s Timeless Philosophy

linda changLeave a comment

Have you ever found yourself judging someone based on their flaws, only to realize later that you missed seeing their good qualities? In a world where we’re quick to notice shortcomings, Sima Yi (司馬懿), a brilliant statesman and military strategist of ancient China, offers a refreshing perspective:

“If one focuses on others’ shortcomings, there will be no one in the world worthy of association; but if one looks at their strengths, everyone can be a teacher.”

Sima Yi was a towering figure of the Three Kingdoms period in Chinese history. Known for his brilliance as a statesman and military strategist, he served under three generations of Wei rulers—Cao Cao, Cao Pi, and Cao Rui. His simple yet profound insight encourages us to shift our focus from criticism to appreciation—a practice that can transform not only our relationships but also our outlook on life.

How This Wisdom Applies to Us Today

Let’s face it, we all navigate relationships daily—whether at work, with friends, or within our families. And let’s be honest, people can be frustrating! A colleague might miss a deadline, a friend might cancel plans last minute, or a family member might nag you endlessly. It’s easy to dwell on these shortcomings. But what if, instead, we made a conscious effort to notice their strengths?

That colleague might be a creative genius, your friend might have a generous heart, and your family member might only want the best for you. This small shift in perspective can turn frustration into appreciation and conflict into connection.

I know someone who has mastered this mindset. He’s one of those people who can walk into a room full of strangers and leave with everyone feeling uplifted. Curious about how he does it, I once asked him his secret. His response was striking:

“If one focuses on others’ shortcomings, there will be no one in the world worthy of association. But if one looks at their strengths, everyone can be a teacher.”

This principle is at the core of how he interacts with people, and it shapes his approach to life:

  • Learning from those stronger than him: When he meets someone successful, he doesn’t feel intimidated or envious. Instead, he actively seeks to learn from them. Once, at a networking event, he struck up a conversation with a prominent entrepreneur. While most people kept their distance, he walked away with new insights and a potential mentor.
  • Finding harmony with equals: In competitive environments, he doesn’t see peers as threats but as partners. By yielding a little when disagreements arise, he often finds ways to collaborate that benefit everyone involved.
  • Helping those less capable: He’s quick to lend a hand to someone struggling. Whether it’s helping a colleague with a difficult task or mentoring a junior team member, his generosity earns him respect and trust.
  • Respecting elders: He genuinely values the wisdom of those who’ve walked life’s path before him, always showing them gratitude and deference.

This approach to life isn’t just about being a “nice person.” It’s about creating opportunities for growth, connection, and happiness. When we focus on others’ strengths instead of their flaws, we:

  1. Build better relationships: People appreciate being valued for their good qualities.
  2. Learn and grow: Everyone has something to teach us, from practical skills to life lessons.
  3. Feel more positive: Seeing the good in others often helps us see the good in ourselves.

How to Practice Sima Yi’s Philosophy

Here’s how you can start applying this wisdom in your daily life:

  1. Pause before judging: The next time someone irritates you, take a moment to think about their strengths. What do they bring to the table?
  2. Ask questions: When you meet someone new, instead of focusing on surface-level impressions, ask about their experiences or skills. You might discover something inspiring.
  3. Be generous: Whether it’s a compliment, advice, or a helping hand, giving a little can create a lot of goodwill.
  4. Respect experience: Take time to listen to the stories of older generations. Their insights might surprise you.

Life is full of interactions, and every person you meet has a unique story, skill, or quality to offer. By shifting your perspective from criticism to appreciation, you’ll not only build stronger connections but also create a richer, more fulfilling life.

Sima Yi’s timeless wisdom reminds us that everyone we meet—whether a boss, a rival, or a stranger—can teach us something valuable. The next time you’re tempted to judge someone, ask yourself:

“What can I learn from this person?”

The answer might just change your life.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/12/12/discovering-wisdom-in-everyday-life-sima-yis-timeless-philosophy/

Desiderata

linda changLeave a comment

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Written in 1927 by American poet Max Ehrmann, Desiderata is a timeless poem that continues to inspire readers with its gentle, universal wisdom. The title, meaning “things desired” in Latin, perfectly reflects the poem’s themes of peace, authenticity, and compassion.

Ehrmann composed this prose poem to guide people in living a meaningful life. Though it gained widespread recognition only decades later, Desiderata resonates deeply with readers across generations. Its advice—such as staying calm amid chaos, embracing individuality, and showing kindness—feels especially relevant in today’s fast-paced world.

The poem also carries a spiritual undertone, encouraging acceptance of life’s challenges while celebrating its beauty. Its words remind us to live mindfully, cherish our unique paths, and find serenity in our connection to the larger universe.

In a world where noise and haste often dominate, Desiderata offers a calming presence and serves as a reminder to align our lives with values that bring lasting peace and joy. Whether you’re encountering it for the first time or revisiting its wisdom, this poem remains a meaningful touchstone for navigating modern life with grace.

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2024/12/06/desiderata/

Source: https://www.cse.cuhk.edu.hk/~cslui/desiderata.html

I Want to Love You

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Virginia Satir’s Wisdom on Love and Relationships

I want to love you without clutching,
Appreciate you without judging,
Join you without invading,
Invite you without demanding,
Leave you without guilt,
Criticize you without blaming,
And help you without insulting.
If I can have the same from you,
then we can truly meet and enrich each other.

Virginia Satir, a trailblazer in family therapy, is celebrated for her profound understanding of human emotions and relationships. Her timeless poem I Want to Love You encapsulates the essence of love in tender, insightful language. Satir invites us to redefine love as not merely an emotional bond but an intentional practice rooted in respect, understanding, and wisdom. (Photo from Wikimedia commons)

Satir emphasized the importance of nurturing love that is healthy, respectful, and boundaries. Her work reveals that true love fosters connection, trust, and mutual growth. This approach provides a blueprint for enriching relationships, particularly within families and marriages, where deep emotional bonds often coexist with challenges.

Love in Parent-Child Relationships

Satir’s therapeutic approach frequently emphasized parenting as a delicate balance of nurturing and letting go. One of her core principles was the importance of validating children’s emotions and individuality.

She often used metaphors to illustrate her points. For instance, she likened parenting to tending a garden: “You water the seeds, but you cannot decide how each flower will bloom.” This philosophy highlights the role of parents in providing unconditional support during early childhood while allowing space for independence as the child matures.

A famous anecdote from her work involved a mother who struggled with her teenage daughter’s rebellion. Satir encouraged the mother to write a letter expressing her love without judgment. This simple act fostered a renewed connection, demonstrating how acknowledgment and respect can rebuild bonds.

Parenting, as Satir taught, is about cultivating trust and allowing children to flourish as autonomous individuals, experiencing love as a source of empowerment rather than control.

Cultivating Love in Marital Bonds

Satir believed that love in marriage thrives on mutual respect, clear communication, and intentional effort. She often used her Family Sculpting technique to help couples visualize the dynamics of their relationship. By arranging family members to represent emotional closeness and distance, couples could see the need for adjustments in their behavior.

For instance, Satir once worked with a couple where the wife felt unheard. By “sculpting” the wife seated with her back to the husband, the couple visualized their emotional disconnection. This powerful exercise led to a heartfelt conversation where both partners committed to active listening and mutual validation.

In practice, Satir advocated for specific behaviors to nurture marital love:

  • A wife can replace nagging with encouragement and complaints with collaboration, creating a foundation of trust and partnership.
  • A husband can demonstrate responsibility through actions rather than words, replacing criticism with appreciation and patience.

These small, intentional changes can transform the atmosphere of a marriage, fostering harmony and mutual growth.

In all relationships—whether between parents and children or spouses—Satir emphasized equality, respect, and tolerance. She taught that love devoid of attachment, judgment, or control becomes a source of profound warmth and harmony.

Satir’s work inspires us to approach love as a life-affirming practice, one that enriches our connections and empowers personal growth. Whether through her transformative therapy sessions or the tender verses of her poetry, she reminds us that love is not just an emotion but a lifelong commitment to nurturing ourselves and those around us.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/11/21/i-want-to-love-you/

The Art of Graceful Living: Lessons from Yang Jiang on Simplicity and Inner Peace

linda changLeave a comment

Yang Jiang, my favorite contemporary female writer, lived a life intertwined with the turbulence of her times, yet she remained as pure and free as a cloud in the sky. Her works not only reveal the beauty of literature but also inspire us on how to maintain inner peace and composure amidst the chaos of the world.

Yang Jiang’s translation of the poem, “I compete with no one, and I disdain competing with anyone; I warm my hands by the fire of life, and when it dims, I am ready to go,” reflects her entire life. In her quiet dignity and grace, she transformed the hardships of life into something serene and beautiful, never letting bitterness take root.

Her unassuming nature is perhaps her most remarkable quality. While many chase after fame and recognition, Yang Jiang focused purely on her love for knowledge. Her reading, writing, and translation work were not for the sake of recognition, but for the joy of learning. In her essay “The Invisibility Cloak,” she explains that humility is the best protection in a complicated world. By not seeking heights, one doesn’t fear falling; by avoiding ambition, one retains a sense of innocence and inner calm. Yang Jiang embodied this wisdom throughout her life. During the Cultural Revolution, when she was assigned the humbling task of cleaning toilets, she used the opportunity to find freedom in adversity, relishing the quiet moments to read and reflect.

Yang Jiang and her husband Qian ZhongShu

“Simple living and a noble soul are the highest realms of life,” she once said. This was not just a belief but a guiding principle for Yang Jiang. She valued her time deeply, distancing herself from superficial socializing and instead focusing on self-cultivation. Together with her husband, Qian Zhongshu, they shared a simple, intellectual life, each respecting the other’s need for space and quiet to work. After her husband’s passing, Yang Jiang withdrew even further from the world, spending her days immersed in writing and editing.

At the age of 92, Yang Jiang published her essay collection We Three, which received widespread acclaim. Even at the age of 103, she was still active in compiling and publishing The Complete Works of Yang Jiang, a reflection of her lifelong dedication to literature.

It was her ability to remove herself from the distractions of life that allowed her to create works of such lasting value.

Her translation of the eight-volume Don Quixote, once the best-selling Chinese version, drew criticism at one point as a “negative example.” Many writers rushed to her defense, but Yang Jiang responded with characteristic humility: “I sincerely declare that I am a humble translator. I have revised my translation over and over, and still feel it’s not good enough. I hope the experts will offer their guidance.” Her modesty and openness to improvement reflect the calm confidence she carried throughout her life.

In her book Walking on the Edge of Life, she wrote, “We once yearned for the waves of fate, only to realize in the end that the most beautiful scenery in life is the inner calm and composure.” This sentence captures the essence of her wisdom. She knew that, amid the noise and complexity of the outside world, it is the peace we cultivate within that is the most precious.

Yang Jiang rarely wore makeup, preferring to show her natural face to the world. This was not just about simplicity in appearance but about a deeper confidence and acceptance of her true self. She believed that external beauty was far less important than the richness of one’s inner life. As she wisely said, “A woman’s greatest strength is not how beautifully she dresses, but the ability to make herself happy no matter what happens.”

Through her life, Yang Jiang has shown us that even in the face of life’s greatest challenges, it is possible to maintain elegance and beauty by nurturing simplicity and inner richness. Her wisdom and grace continue to inspire us to live with quiet strength, away from the distractions of the world, focused on what truly matters.

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2024/10/03/the-art-of-graceful-living-lessons-from-yang-jiang-on-simplicity-and-inner-peace/

#YangJiang #QianZhongShu #WeThree #WalkingontheEdgeofLife #InnerPeace #Wisdom #Simplicity

The Wisdom of Humility: A Tale of Zuo Zongtang

linda changLeave a comment

Zuo Zongtang, a prominent official of the late Qing dynasty, was renowned not only for his military prowess but also for his skill in the game of Go. His expertise was so exceptional that none of his subordinates could match him.

One day, while traveling incognito, Zuo Zongtang stumbled upon a thatched cottage with a plaque reading “The Best Go Player in the World.” Skeptical, he decided to challenge the owner to a series of games. To his surprise, he won all three matches. With a smile, Zuo Zongtang remarked, “You can take down that plaque now!” Satisfied, he continued on his journey.

However, after a successful military campaign, Zuo Zongtang returned to the same area. Curious to see if the plaque had been removed, he visited the cottage once more. To his astonishment, the plaque was still there. Determined to test his luck again, he challenged the owner to another three games—and this time, he lost all three. Perplexed, he asked the owner how this was possible.

The owner explained, “The last time you visited, you were on a mission to lead troops into battle. I didn’t want to affect your spirit negatively. But now that you’ve returned victorious, I felt free to play at my best.”

This story highlights a profound lesson: True mastery often involves knowing when to yield. A master may win, but true greatness lies in the ability to be gracious. Similarly, wisdom involves understanding the feelings of others and knowing when to let go of one’s own ambitions.

Life often mirrors this dynamic. While the clever may fixate on gains and losses, the truly wise are those who bravely release their attachments. Wisdom is not merely about cleverness but about humility and compassion.

In Buddhism, true wisdom arises from great compassion. When one transcends self-interest and embraces deep compassion, the door to true wisdom opens. H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III emphasizes in his teachings that genuine cultivation involves prioritizing the well-being of others. In his Dharma discourses, His Holiness has repeatedly highlighted the importance of:

“Establishing great compassion as your foundation. Avoid all evil deeds. Commit to all that is good. Set aside personal interests to benefit others. Patiently endure humiliation and adversity. Practice humility. Purify your mind. When encountering beings, regardless of their condition—be they handicapped, deficient, sick, or healthy—treat them all as family. Understand that all phenomena are governed by causality.”

The Buddha’s life exemplified this principle perfectly. He never sought to be revered from a lofty pedestal but instead viewed himself as a humble servant to all beings. Every action he took was dedicated to promoting peace, liberation, and happiness for all.

As a true Buddha living in the world at this time, H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III has never been concerned about damaging His own honor, status, or image, for He has effaced Himself in order to benefit living beings by saying that He is an ordinary person like everyone else. In reality, the facts prove that in the few-thousand-year history of Buddhism, H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III is truly one who has actually manifested the pinnacle of attainment in both Exoteric and Esoteric Buddhism and perfection in the Five Vidyas! His Holiness the Buddha is also the only one in the history of Buddhism who has made it His practice to benefit and serve living beings without accepting any offerings.

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2024/08/09/the-wisdom-of-humility-a-tale-of-zuo-zongtang/

Source: https://www.sohu.com/a/113788534_456094