Tag: Mental Health

Thirty Million Words: How a Parent’s Voice Shapes a Child’s Future

linda changLeave a comment

“Imagine a child’s brain as a garden. Every word you speak is like a drop of water nurturing growth.”

One cold winter morning in 1995 at a Chicago hospital, Dr. Dana Suskind, a cochlear implant surgeon, held the small hand of a boy who had just undergone surgery. Technically, the boy could now hear. Yet weeks passed, and he still didn’t speak a word. Dr. Suskind wondered—what was missing? She discovered that while technology could restore hearing, it could not replace something even more vital: the daily language environment a child grows up in. Without rich and loving conversation, the boy’s world remained silent in a deeper sense.

This experience led Dr. Suskind to research the profound role parents play in shaping their children’s language and cognitive development. She founded the Thirty Million Words (TMW) initiative, inspired by a groundbreaking 1995 study by child development researchers Betty Hart and Todd Risley. Hart and Risley discovered a striking reality: by the age of three, children from higher-income families had heard about thirty million more words than children from lower-income families.

From birth to age three, a child’s brain forms 1 million neural connections every second. Every conversation is brain-building—especially when it’s warm, eye-to-eye, and responsive.

Quantity matters—more words create more neural connections.

Quality matters more—it’s not just talking to a child, but engaging with them in responsive conversations.

Children who heard more words also experienced more encouraging interactions, richer vocabulary, and emotionally supportive tones from their parents. Meanwhile, children who heard fewer words were often exposed to more negative or directive language (“Stop that!” “Don’t do this!”) and fewer warm, conversational exchanges. By the time these children entered school, the gap had already set the stage for differences in learning, confidence, and future opportunities.

Dr. Suskind’s TMW initiative encourages parents to intentionally fill their children’s early years with abundant, meaningful, and loving conversation. She emphasizes the Three T’s:

  1. Tune In – Notice what your child is focused on and talk about it.
  2. Talk More – Use a rich variety of words to describe, explain, and explore the world together.
  3. Take Turns – Engage in back-and-forth conversation, even before your child can speak words.

For example:

  • Instead of saying, “Don’t touch that!” try: “That’s sharp, sweetie. Let’s find something safer to play with.”
  • Instead of a quick “Good job,” you might say: “I love how you stacked those blocks so high! You worked so carefully.”
  • During a walk, point to things you see—“Look at that big red leaf!”—and let your child respond, even with just a gesture or sound.

But there’s another crucial element—how you speak. A gentle tone, warm facial expressions, and genuine interest create an emotional space where a child feels safe and valued. Neuroscience shows that when a child feels emotionally secure, their brain is more receptive to learning and language development.

Dr. Suskind’s work reminds us that parents are a child’s first and most influential teachers—not because of expensive toys or formal lessons, but because of the warmth, curiosity, and attention they share through conversation.

You don’t need a degree or a script. Your voice, attention, and curiosity are enough. Whether in the supermarket, on a walk, or during bedtime, every exchange plants seeds for your child’s future thinking, confidence, and empathy.

The goal isn’t to force constant chatter but to weave language naturally into your shared life—reading together before bed, singing songs in the car, talking about the day while cooking dinner. Over time, these small, daily moments accumulate into millions of words, building both vocabulary and a deep sense of connection.

The Thirty Million Words message is clear: Every word you speak to your child is a gift that shapes their mind and heart.

Because one day, those little ears won’t just remember the words you spoke—they’ll carry the mindset, resilience, and love you planted with them.

Link: https://peacelilysite.com/2025/08/14/thirty-million-words-how-a-parents-voice-shapes-a-childs-future/

It took me a lot to be this gentle

linda chang1 Comment

By Rye

When you grow up in a house where voices are always raised and love comes with conditions, where apologies never come and mistakes are blamed on you, it’s hard to understand what gentleness even means. I didn’t grow up with soft words or warm hugs. No one told me it was okay to make mistakes, or that I was still loved even when I failed. What I learned was to keep quiet, to survive, to toughen up.

I protected myself by building walls, not by opening up. I kept my emotions inside because showing them only led to being hurt or ignored. I became harsh with myself because that’s how others treated me. I thought strength meant being cold. I thought love had to hurt. I thought being kind to myself was weakness.

But somewhere inside, a quiet voice kept whispering “maybe there’s another way.”

It took years of breaking down and rebuilding myself. It took crying in silence and slowly learning how to listen to what my heart really needed. It meant letting go of old beliefs, painful habits, and the voices in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough.

I had to teach myself how to speak gently not just to others, but to myself.

I had to unlearn the idea that I deserved pain. I had to remind myself, again and again, that softness isn’t weakness. That it’s okay to be tender with a heart that’s been hurt too many times.

Gentleness became a daily choice—on angry days, broken days, on the days when the world told me to toughen up and stop caring.

I’ve learned that gentleness isn’t about pretending things don’t hurt. It’s about holding pain with care. It’s about choosing peace when your past only taught you chaos. It’s showing up with kindness, even when life hasn’t been kind to you.

Now I am gentle but it took everything — every scar, every sleepless night, every painful memory, every lonely moment. I lost myself. Then I found myself again.

So when others call me calm, kind, or soft, they don’t see the storms I survived. They don’t hear the silent nights or feel the weight I carried.

And that’s okay. I didn’t become gentle for others to understand me. I did it so I could breathe. So I could find peace. So I could love others the way I wish someone had loved me. Most of all, so I could finally love myself.

It took me a lot to be this gentle.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Source: https://ryeee.medium.com/it-took-me-a-lot-to-be-this-gentle-4c0801145835

Stop Comparing. Start Living.

linda changLeave a comment

As the saying goes, “Don’t be afraid of not knowing the quality of something—be afraid of comparing one thing with another.” Comparison is a double-edged sword. Without it, there is no disappointment. But once we begin measuring ourselves against others, dissatisfaction creeps in. Comparison is one of the root causes of suffering, and often the very reason happiness eludes us. Much of our pain in life arises not from reality itself, but from our attachments and the distinctions we draw in our minds.

I recently came across a thought-provoking story:
A king once posed a question to a wise man—“If I draw a line on a piece of paper and you’re not allowed to shorten it, how can you make it appear shorter?”
The wise man calmly stepped forward and drew a longer line next to it. Suddenly, the original line seemed shorter, not because it changed, but because of the comparison.

This simple parable reveals a profound truth: dissatisfaction often comes not from our actual circumstances, but from comparing them to someone else’s.

Take a look at real life. I weigh 170 pounds and carry a round belly. But if I constantly compare myself to someone who weighs 140 pounds and is lean and fit, I’ll label myself as “fat.” If I live on $2,000 a month and compare my lifestyle to someone spending $20,000, I’ll think I’m “poor.” But what if I didn’t compare? What if I simply appreciated what I had?

Survival is only part of life’s weight. The heavier burden is comparison. Many people spend their whole lives chasing after what others were born with, only to realize too late that what they’ve always had was someone else’s lifelong dream.

In the classic novel Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils, the character Murong Fu dedicates his entire life to a goal that Duan Yu was born into. Ironically, the woman Duan Yu longs for is someone Murong Fu already had from the beginning. And Ding Chunqiu, who went to great lengths and harmed countless people to get what he wanted, lost in the end to Xuzhu—who gained it all effortlessly, through virtue and sincerity.

We come into this world busying ourselves, striving, chasing after happiness. Yet we become trapped in appearances, constantly looking outward for fulfillment. We complain about stress and pressure, but when we pause to reflect, we often find that we’ve created most of that pressure ourselves—through endless comparison and unrealistic expectations.

It’s unwise—and even harmful—to judge the value of your own life by someone else’s standards. In life, not everything goes our way. If we spend all day comparing ourselves to others, we’ll always feel like something’s missing. But what if we started each day with gratitude instead?

Try this: When you wake up, take three minutes to feel content. Say to yourself with sincerity: “I am grateful for what I have right now. I am content. I am thankful.”
It’s a small act, but it can change your entire mindset.

Comparison doesn’t have to be harmful. It can also be a mirror for growth—if we use it wisely. Rather than feeling inferior and falling into envy or resentment, we can choose to let comparison inspire self-improvement. Let it motivate us to become a better version of ourselves.

And most importantly, compare yourself to your past self.
As a Buddhist disciple, I ask myself daily:

  • Have I improved my spiritual practice compared to yesterday?
  • Have I reduced negative thoughts and actions?
  • Have I done more good today than I did yesterday?

Over time, these small reflections add up. Bit by bit, we grow in virtue, in clarity, in compassion. And when we live this way—progressing each day, anchored in gratitude—we naturally find peace. We naturally move toward liberation and fulfillment.

Be thankful for what you have, right here, right now. Don’t compare. Don’t compete. Contentment is the true path to lasting happiness.

Fill your life with kindness and righteousness. Strengthen your heart and spirit. In a world full of comparisons, choose instead to grow, to give, and to be deeply, joyfully alive.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2025/05/14/stop-comparing-start-living/

Virginia Satir: A Master of Family Therapy and the Healing Power of Her Words

linda changLeave a comment

When I Am Strong Enough Inside

Virginia Satir (1916–1988) was a trailblazer in the field of family therapy, earning worldwide recognition as a distinguished psychotherapist and one of America’s most influential family therapists. Dubbed “everybody’s family therapist” by Human Behavior magazine, Satir devoted her life to uncovering the complexities of human relationships and exploring the essence of what it means to be human. Her groundbreaking principles for fostering effective family communication continue to be revered and applied by professionals across the globe.

Satir’s legacy extends beyond therapy rooms. Her poetic insights capture the depth of her understanding of human nature and emotions. One of her most touching poems, “When I Am Strong Enough Inside,” serves as a mirror reflecting our inner strength and vulnerability. These verses remind us that the negative voices within us can often overshadow our resilience. However, by engaging with empowering words like hers, we can nurture psychological flexibility and cultivate a more compassionate perspective toward ourselves and others. Here is an excerpt from her poem that encapsulates her profound messag.

When I Am Strong Enough Inside

When I’m strong enough inside,
You blame me,
I feel your pain;
You flatter me,
I see you need approval;
You’re crazy,
I understand your vulnerability and fear;
You interrupt,
I know how much you want to be seen.

When I’m strong enough inside,
I no longer defend,
All the forces,
Free flow between us.
Grievance, depression, guilt, sadness, anger, pain,
When they flow freely.
I feel warm in sorrow,
Find strength in anger,
See hope in pain.

Screenshot

When I’m strong enough inside,
I will not attack.
I know,
When I stop hurting myself,
Then no one can hurt me.
I lay down my arms,
Open heart,
When my heart softens,
In love and compassion,
Meet you bright and warm.

Originally, let the heart strong,
All I need is,
Seeing myself,
Accept what I can’t do,
Appreciate what I’ve done.
And believe,
Through this journey,
Can live out their own, bloom their own.

In these lines, Satir masterfully conveys her belief in the transformative power of understanding the reasons behind others’ actions. Instead of reacting with judgment, she calls on us to see the humanity in others, even when their behavior is challenging.

Her poem continues with a heartfelt reminder that by releasing our own emotions—be it anger, sadness, or guilt—we can uncover strength, warmth, and hope. She encourages us to let go of self-defensiveness, to embrace compassion, and to see ourselves and others with clarity and acceptance.

When I encountered this poem, I was struck by Satir’s tender view of humanity. It eloquently sheds light on behaviors we often judge harshly—blaming, seeking approval, over-rationalizing, or interrupting. Yet, rather than condemning these actions, she invites us to see the vulnerability and pain behind them. This perspective challenged me to think: if my heart were stronger, if I could move beyond my own wounds, perhaps I too could approach the world with such gentle understanding.

Satir’s poem inspires a transformative journey of self-awareness and growth. To build inner strength, she suggests we:

  • See ourselves as we truly are, without judgment.
  • Accept our imperfections with kindness.
  • Appreciate our progress and achievements.
  • Trust in our ability to live authentically and bloom fully.

Her words serve as both a reminder and an invitation—to embrace our humanity, nurture our resilience, and extend the same understanding to others.

Even today, Virginia Satir’s work continues to inspire people to heal, connect, and thrive. Through her profound poetry and her legacy as a master therapist, she reminds us that inner strength and compassion are at the heart of meaningful relationships and a fulfilling life.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/11/12/virginia-satir-a-master-of-family-therapy-and-the-healing-power-of-her-words/

Mastering Emotions: The Path to Inner Peace

linda changLeave a comment

In ancient Tibet, there was a man named Aediba. Whenever he found himself angry or in the midst of an argument, he had a peculiar habit. He would immediately run home and circle his house and land three times before sitting down by the fields to catch his breath. As the years passed, Aediba worked tirelessly, and his house and land expanded significantly. But regardless of how large his property grew, he continued his practice—whenever he got upset, he would run three laps around it.

By the time Aediba had grown old, his property stretched far and wide. One day, after yet another argument, he grabbed his walking stick and, with great effort, completed his customary three laps. When he finally sat down to rest, the sun had already set. Concerned, his grandson approached him and said, “Grandpa, you’re too old to keep doing this. No one around here owns more land than you. You don’t need to run around your property anymore when you’re angry. Can you tell me why you’ve done this your whole life?”

Aediba smiled and replied, “When I was young, every time I got angry, I would run around my house and land. As I ran, I’d think to myself, ‘My house is so small, my land is so little—what right do I have to be angry or argue with anyone?’ That thought always calmed me down, and I would pour all my energy into working harder. Now, even though my house is large and my land vast, I walk around it and think, ‘I have so much—why should I waste my time quarreling with others?’ And once again, my anger fades.”

Just as every rose has its thorns, every person has traits that may frustrate us. The key to happiness is not trying to remove these “thorns,” but learning how to live with them, avoiding getting hurt.

This simple yet profound story teaches us a vital lesson about managing emotions. With family, there’s no need to argue to prove who’s right or wrong. Winning or losing a debate doesn’t matter—home is not a battlefield. We need to make sure our own thorns don’t harm those we love.

When interacting with others, especially those who may not see the world as we do, it’s wise to avoid unnecessary arguments. Not engaging in debates over who’s right shows maturity and emotional intelligence. In fact, most arguments are futile. The real strength lies in holding back, demonstrating grace, and knowing when to step away. Spiritual teachings from ancient times remind us, “When you open your mouth, your energy scatters; when your mind stirs, your internal strength cools.” Engaging in constant disputes not only wastes time but drains our energy.

On Mount Emei, there lived an old monk named Yongtong, who was over 100 years old. Someone once asked him, “Master, what is the secret to happiness?” Yongtong calmly replied, “Never argue.” The person asking wasn’t satisfied with this simple answer and said, “Master, I don’t quite agree with your idea that this is the secret.” Yongtong smiled and said, “Yes, you’re absolutely right…”

Life is full of challenges and difficulties, and none of us can avoid them. However, if we let every problem cause frustration or every small setback lead to anger, life will be full of turmoil. Truly strong individuals know how to control their emotions, step back, and manage problems calmly. Mastering our emotions isn’t about avoiding conflict entirely, but about learning to navigate it with wisdom and grace—leading to a life of peace and fulfillment.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/10/11/mastering-emotions-the-path-to-inner-peace/

People who stay joyful in their 70s and beyond usually adopt these 9 daily habits

linda changLeave a comment
Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

by Lachlan Brown | July 18, 2024, from GlobalEnglishEditing

There’s a significant contrast between simply aging and aging joyfully.

This difference often boils down to habits. While some folks let the years weigh them down, others seem to dance through their 70s and beyond with a smile on their face.

Those who age joyfully are not just lucky. They adopt certain daily habits that keep them buoyant and full of life.

I’ve noticed that there are some key habits that these joyful individuals share. And, if you’re anything like me, you’ll want to know what these habits are.

Ahead are nine daily habits typically adopted by those who stay joyful in their 70s and beyond.

1) They embrace change

When it comes to aging joyfully, adaptability is key.

Those in their 70s and beyond who continue to thrive are often those who have mastered the art of embracing change.

Whether it’s technology, changing family dynamics or shifts in their physical capabilities, they don’t resist. Instead, they adapt and learn.

It’s a simple concept, but not always easy to follow. Change can be daunting. It can be uncomfortable. But it’s also inevitable.

The trick to embracing change lies in shifting your perspective. Instead of viewing change as a threat, view it as an opportunity for growth and new experiences.

The secret? Stay open-minded, stay curious and never stop learning.

This simple daily habit of embracing change can make a world of difference in your outlook on life as you age. It keeps you stimulated, engaged and, most importantly, joyful.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

2) They practice gratitude

One thing I’ve noticed about those who stay joyful in their later years is their capacity for gratitude.

Let me share a personal example. My grandmother, in her 80s, has a daily habit of expressing gratitude. Every morning, she sits by her window with a cup of tea and lists out loud the things she’s thankful for.

Sometimes it’s big things like family and health, sometimes it’s small things like a beautiful sunrise or the sound of birds chirping. The size of the blessing doesn’t matter; what matters is the act of acknowledging it.

I’ve seen how this simple practice has shaped her perspective on life. She focuses on the positive, and this focus radiates joy.

Practicing daily gratitude, I’ve learned from her, is an accessible habit anyone can adopt to age more joyfully.

3) They stay socially active

Contrary to the popular perception of aging as a lonely process, many who remain joyful in their later years do so by maintaining a vibrant social life.

Research in the field of gerontology suggests that social interactions play a crucial role in our mental health and overall well-being as we age.

Staying socially active doesn’t necessarily mean attending grand parties or being constantly on the move. It can be as simple as regular phone calls with a friend, participating in community events, or volunteering for a cause close to your heart.

The key is to stay connected with the world around you. This not only keeps you mentally stimulated but also provides a sense of belonging and purpose, all of which contribute to a joyful mindset.

4) They keep moving

Photo by Marcus Aurelius on Pexels.com

Physical activity is another common habit among those who age joyfully.

They understand the value of keeping their bodies moving. It might be a daily walk around the neighborhood, a yoga class, or even gardening in the backyard. The type of activity doesn’t matter as much as the consistency of being active.

Staying physically active has multiple benefits. It keeps you fit, improves your mood by releasing endorphins (the ‘feel-good’ hormones), and can even enhance cognitive function.

So if you want to join the ranks of those aging joyfully, don’t underestimate the power of movement. Make it a point to stay active and your body, as well as your mind, will thank you for it.

5) They nurture their hobbies

Folks who age with joy tend to have a passion or hobby that they keep alive.

Be it painting, dancing, knitting, or even bird watching, they understand the importance of doing something that brings them genuine happiness. This isn’t about productivity or achievement; it’s about enjoyment.

Having a hobby provides a sense of purpose, keeps the mind engaged, and offers a great way to unwind and relax. It’s a personal space that brings contentment and fulfilment.

So, if there’s something you’ve always wanted to try or an old passion you’ve left behind, now might be the perfect time to pick it up again. It could become your key to aging joyfully.

6) They prioritize relationships

The golden years can be truly golden when filled with meaningful relationships. Those who age joyfully often prioritize their relationships, understanding the deep happiness and comfort that comes from loving and being loved. They make time for their family and friends, cherishing the shared laughs, stories, and even the quiet moments of companionship.

They know that life is filled with ups and downs, and having someone by your side through it all makes the journey more beautiful. These relationships provide emotional security, a sense of belonging, and help to keep loneliness at bay.

Remember, it’s not about having a large number of acquaintances but nurturing a few relationships that are close to your heart. As you age, these bonds can become your greatest source of joy.

7) They practice mindfulness

I’ve seen the power of mindfulness in action. My father, now in his late 70s, has a habit of spending a few minutes every day in quiet reflection.

This isn’t about religious beliefs or meditation practices; it’s about taking a moment to be present, to acknowledge and accept the way things are, without trying to change anything.

On particularly challenging days, he says these moments of mindfulness help him handle stress better, bring clarity to his thoughts, and cultivate a calm demeanor.

By being in the present moment, we can appreciate the beauty of life as it unfolds, even with its imperfections. This sense of acceptance and peace can be a powerful tool for staying joyful as we age.

8) They maintain a balanced diet

Food plays a critical role in our overall well-being, and this is especially true as we age. Those who age joyfully are often mindful of what they eat. They understand that a balanced diet is not just about maintaining physical health, but also about ensuring mental well-being.

They opt for nutritious foods that boost energy levels, enhance mood, and support cognitive function. This doesn’t mean they never indulge in their favorite treats; instead, they aim for a balance that serves both their health and their taste buds.

Eating right can help you feel your best and keep you energized, both of which contribute to a joyful outlook on life.

9) They keep a positive mindset

Above all, those who age joyfully understand the power of a positive mindset.They choose to focus on the good in their lives and in the world around them. They believe in the potential for happiness each new day brings, no matter what challenges it might also carry.

A positive mindset isn’t about ignoring life’s difficulties. It’s about choosing to see beyond them, to find hope and joy even in the hardest of times.

This habit, more than any other, shapes their experience of life as they age. It’s what keeps them resilient, hopeful, and most importantly, joyful.

At the heart of aging joyfully lies a fundamental choice we all have the power to make.

The choice to embrace change, to express gratitude, to stay socially and physically active. The choice to nurture hobbies, prioritize relationships, practice mindfulness, maintain a balanced diet and, above all, keep a positive mindset.

It’s these choices, these daily habits that shape our experience of life as we age. They are the threads that weave together the fabric of a joyful existence in our later years.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/07/23/people-who-stay-joyful-in-their-70s-and-beyond-usually-adopt-these-9-daily-habits/

Source: https://geediting.com/author/lachlanhackspirit-com/

Healthy childhood diet can ‘keep mind sharp into 70s’ and ward off dementia

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From The Guardian

Study is first to track people at different time points in life and finds close link between nutrition and cognitive ability

A healthy diet in childhood can help protect mental sharpness into old age. Photograph: Katarzyna Bialasiewicz/Alamy




A healthy diet earlier in life could help keep you mentally sharp into your 70s, and even ward off dementia, according to research that followed thousands of Britons for seven decades.

While most studies on diet and cognitive ability have focused on people already in or reaching old age, the new review was the first to track people throughout their life – from the age of four to 70 – and suggests the links may start much earlier than previously recognised.

The research adds to a growing body of evidence that a healthy diet could reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s disease and slow age-related cognitive decline. The findings were presented at the annual meeting of the American Society for Nutrition.

“These initial findings generally support current public health guidance that it is important to establish healthy dietary patterns early in life in order to support and maintain health throughout life,” said Kelly Cara, of Tufts University in Massachusetts.

Our findings also provide new evidence suggesting that improvements to dietary patterns up to midlife may influence cognitive performance and help mitigate, or lessen, cognitive decline in later years.”

Cognitive performance can still improve well into middle age, but typically begins to decline after age 65, the researchers said. More serious conditions such as dementia can also develop alongside age-related decline.

For the new research, scientists studied 3,059 adults from the UK who were enrolled as children in a study called the National Survey of Health and Development. Members of the cohort, called the 1946 British Birth Cohort, have provided data on dietary intakes, cognitive outcomes and other factors via questionnaires and tests over more than 75 years.

Researchers analysed participants’ diet at five time points in relation to their cognitive ability at seven time points. Dietary quality was closely linked with trends in cognitive ability, they found.

For example, only 8% of people with low-quality diets sustained high cognitive ability and only 7% of those with high-quality diets sustained low cognitive ability over time compared with their peers.

Cognitive ability can have a significant impact on quality of life and independence as people age, the researchers said. For example, by the age of 70, participants in the highest cognitive group showed a much higher retention of working memory, processing speed and general cognitive performance compared with those in the lowest cognitive group.

In addition, nearly a quarter of participants in the lowest cognitive group showed signs of dementia at that time point, while none of those in the highest cognitive group showed signs of dementia.

While most people saw steady improvements in their diet throughout adulthood, the researchers noted that slight differences in diet quality in childhood seemed to set the tone for later life dietary patterns, for better or worse.

“This suggests that early life dietary intakes may influence our dietary decisions later in life, and the cumulative effects of diet over time are linked with the progression of our global cognitive abilities,” Cara said.

Photo by furkanfdemir on Pexels.com

Study participants who sustained the highest cognitive abilities over time relative to their peers tended to eat more recommended foods such as vegetables, fruits, legumes and whole grains, and less sodium, added sugars and refined grains.

“Dietary patterns that are high in whole or less processed plant-food groups including leafy green vegetables, beans, whole fruits and whole grains may be most protective,” said Cara.

“Adjusting one’s dietary intake at any age to incorporate more of these foods and to align more closely with current dietary recommendations is likely to improve our health in many ways, including our cognitive health.”

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/07/05/healthy-childhood-diet-can-keep-mind-sharp-into-70s-and-ward-off-dementia/

Source: https://www.theguardian.com/society/article/2024/jul/01/healthy-diet-in-childhood-keeps-mind-sharp-into-70s-and-wards-off-dementia

The Science of Lying: Its Cognitive and Social Costs

linda changLeave a comment
Like Pinocchio, everyone sometimes tells a lie. Most people don’t lie often, science finds. But research shows that even small lies can take a toll on your brain. MALERAPASO / GETTY IMAGES

Even little fibs can have serious consequences — and some of them just might surprise you

Most of us have told a lie at one time or another. Some lies are harmful. Others, like small fibs to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, are mostly harmless. Some lies are even intended to protect others. But no matter the type of lie, it takes a surprising amount of brainpower to pull it off, which can be costly.

Lying requires significant mental effort. Imagine you’re late to class and decide to lie about why. You might say, “I had to stop by the library and pick up a book.” When your teacher asks, “The book I assigned last week?” you must quickly decide how to respond. You may say, “No, it was a different book,” and now you have to be ready with another title. This constant mental juggling uses up brainpower that could be spent on more important tasks.

A lot of this mental work is done in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for working memory, planning, problem-solving, and self-control. Using these resources for lying means they are not available for other tasks, like solving math problems or remembering important facts.

Lying also has social consequences. People generally value honesty and don’t like liars. If people view you as untrustworthy, it can damage your relationships. Even well-intended lies, such as insincere compliments, can backfire. If your friends realize they can’t trust your compliments, those compliments become meaningless.

Most people don’t lie very much, says Timothy Levine, a psychologist at the University of Alabama at Birmingham who studies deception. His research shows that almost three-quarters of people rarely lie, and 90 percent of the lies they tell are “white lies.” However, Levine’s research also shows that while most people don’t lie often, a few lie a lot. The top one percent of liars, according to Levine, tell more than 15 lies per day. Some chronic liars are insecure. Others may lie about their accomplishments because they’re conceited or overly impressed with themselves. Still others lie to take advantage of people — perhaps even to cheat them or to steal from them.

The brain’s prefrontal cortex, behind the forehead (shown right, in darker green) isn’t fully mature until we are in our 20s. That’s a problem for adolescents. This part of the brain helps us understand risk. It’s also in charge of a lot of our higher-level thinking, such as planning and self-control.

DORLING KINDERSLEY/GETTY IMAGES PLUS

Lying is especially hard for young people because their prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until around age 25. This part of the brain helps with higher-level thinking, such as planning and self-control. When it’s busy with tasks related to lying, it has a harder time doing other important tasks.

Some lies never stop, like those told by spies or people hiding a difficult home life. Pretending to be something you’re not almost every hour of every day is mentally draining and can have long-lasting effects. Over time, this kind of lying uses up the brain resources needed for thinking and planning.

Most people value honesty, and research shows that honest people build social capital, or goodwill, within their communities. Trust is essential for healthy relationships and a well-functioning society.

Lying may seem easier in the short term, but it has significant cognitive and social costs. By striving to be honest, we can save mental energy and build stronger, more trusting relationships.

Neil Garrett, a neuroscientist at the University of East Anglia in Norwich, England, has studied how emotions affect our willingness to be dishonest. He points to a study where students were given a beta blocker, a medicine that dampens emotions. These students were more likely to cheat on an exam than those who didn’t receive the medicine, possibly because they felt less fear or anxiety about being dishonest.

Garrett and his team also examined the relationship between lying and activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain that processes emotions. They conducted an experiment where volunteers played a game to make money by lying to a partner. Brain scans showed that the amygdala was very active when participants first lied. However, as they continued to lie, activity in the amygdala decreased, and the participants lied even more. These findings were reported in Nature Neuroscience.

In one study, students were more likely to cheat on exams when they’d taken a drug that mutes emotions. ANDY SACKS/THE IMAGE BANK/GETTY IMAGES PLUS

Garrett suggests this brain effect might be similar to how our sense of smell adapts to strong odors. Initially, a strong smell is overwhelming, but after a while, we barely notice it. Emotions might work similarly; the more you lie, the less you feel the uncomfortable emotions like fear or guilt. In other words, lying becomes easier the more you do it.

Nearly all cultures value honesty, notes Victoria Talwar, a psychologist at McGill University in Montreal, Quebec. She suggests that creating a culture that reinforces the value of honesty can help. One strategy is to support friends while still being truthful. “When people’s friends are truthful with them,” she says, “it creates a culture of honesty among them,” which builds stronger friendships.

Jennifer Vendemia, a neuroscientist at the University of South Carolina, emphasizes that lying lessens when there are consequences for dishonesty. However, she adds that rewarding truth-telling is more effective than punishing lying. This is especially important when people share significant truths about themselves. “Being able to tell the truth to a friend is rewarding,” she says. “It feels good.”

Most people know that lying is generally bad and can have serious consequences. Science is now revealing how dishonesty impacts the brain and undermines the trust essential for strong relationships.

Link： https://peacelilysite.com/2024/06/13/the-science-of-lying-its-cognitive-and-social-costs/

Source: Lying won’t stretch your nose, but it will steal some brainpower by  Avery Elizabeth Hurt
https://www.snexplores.org/article/lying-brain-power-prefrontal-cortex-truth-telling

Unveiling the Potency of Willpower: Transforming Lives Through Self-Control

linda changLeave a comment

In 1996, a seemingly innocuous experiment conducted by Roy Baumeister and his team at Case Western Reserve University revealed a profound truth about human behavior: the power of will. Their study, which involved tempting participants with chocolate chip cookies only to have them resist and eat radishes instead, demonstrated the finite nature of willpower. This pioneering research laid the groundwork for understanding self-control as a resource that could be depleted, akin to a muscle that fatigues with exertion.

Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.com

In the first part of the trial, Baumeister kept the 67 study participants in a room that smelled of freshly baked chocolate cookies and then teased them further by showing them the actual treats alongside other chocolate-flavored confections.

While some did get to indulge their sweet tooth, the subjects in the experimental condition, whose resolves were being tested, were asked to eat radishes instead. And they weren’t happy about it.

After the food bait-and-switch, Baumeister’s team gave the participants a second, supposedly unrelated exercise, a persistence-testing puzzle. The effect of the manipulation was immediate and undeniable. Those who ate radishes made far fewer attempts and devoted less than half the time solving the puzzle compared to the chocolate-eating participants and a control group that only joined this latter phase of the study. In other words, those who had to resist the sweets and force themselves to eat pungent vegetables could no longer find the will to fully engage in another torturous task. They were already too tired.

The experiment, while seemingly trivial, yielded crucial insights into the nature of self-regulation. Participants who exerted willpower to resist the tempting chocolates subsequently demonstrated diminished perseverance and performance on a subsequent task. This seminal finding underscored the broader significance of self-control across various domains of life, from mundane daily tasks to more significant challenges.

In the realm of psychology, this research sparked a cascade of studies exploring the multifaceted implications of willpower. It elucidated why individuals are drawn to indulgence after experiencing setbacks, such as seeking solace in retail therapy after heartbreak. Moreover, it provided valuable insights into behavior modification strategies, highlighting the importance of positive reinforcement and habit formation in fostering lasting change.

Understanding the concept of willpower empowers individuals to leverage it effectively in pursuit of their goals. Rather than relying solely on sheer determination, strategic planning plays a pivotal role in optimizing willpower utilization. Timing tasks to align with periods of peak mental and physical energy, such as the morning after a restful night’s sleep, can enhance performance and resilience.

Furthermore, recognizing willpower as a trainable attribute opens avenues for personal growth and development. Cultivating positive habits serves as a cornerstone for strengthening willpower and facilitating sustained behavior change. Initiating small, manageable goals allows individuals to acclimate gradually, paving the way for long-term success. For instance, committing to brief daily rituals, like reading for just two minutes, eating one fruit instead of a cookie, or embarking on a short morning walk, lays the groundwork for more significant lifestyle adjustments. As these habits become ingrained, individuals can incrementally expand their efforts, harnessing the cumulative impact of consistent practice. Joining a group of like-minded individuals can also provide invaluable support in reinforcing positive habits and maintaining motivation.

Additionally, cultivating positive bedtime routines fosters relaxation and promotes quality sleep. Instead of mindlessly scrolling through screens before bed, incorporating a five-minute practice of prayer, meditation, or reflection on gratitude can help unwind the mind and prepare for restorative rest. This intentional shift away from digital distractions not only supports mental well-being but also cultivates a deeper sense of connection with oneself and the present moment.

In essence, comprehending and harnessing the power of willpower is transformative. By integrating strategic approaches to task management, fostering positive habits, and nurturing a supportive network, individuals can unlock their potential for personal and professional fulfillment. As Baumeister’s pioneering research illustrated, the journey towards meaningful change commences with embracing the remarkable capacity of willpower.

Link:https://peacelilysite.com/2024/03/20/unveiling-the-potency-of-willpower-transforming-lives-through-self-control/

Source: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/04/the-chocolate-and-radish-experiment-that-birthed-the-modern-conception-of-willpower/255544

7 ways to show someone you care

linda changLeave a comment

7 ways to show someone you care

Small acts of kindness can have a big impact. Not only does offering support to your loved ones show you care, but you can benefit from it, too. Studies show that helping others can reduce stress, increase happiness, and even help you live longer.

Here are 7 simple ways to connect with your loved ones — and let them know that you care.

1. Respond to “bids”

According to Dr. John Gottman, our loved ones will often make “bids” for our attention throughout the day. These bids are when a loved one says something like, “Want to see what I made during art class?” or “Take a look at this cute cat video.”

One good way to respond to bids is by active listening. You can show your loved one you’re actively listening by paying close attention to what they’re saying. Let them know you’re listening by nodding, smiling, or saying “I see.”

And don’t be afraid to ask questions if you’re unsure of what was said. These seemingly small interactions can let our loved ones know we truly care about what’s important to them.

2. Practice mindfulness

It can be easy to get distracted by multiple screens and to-do lists. So when you spend time with loved ones, make a point to limit interruptions. Put down your tablet or smartphone, and focus on staying present. Show up on time, actively listen, and avoid multitasking. If you don’t have a lot of time, consider having a 5- or 10-minute phone call. Giving your undivided attention will make your loved one feel valued and appreciated.

3. Lend a hand

We all need extra help from time to time — and that’s OK. You can show someone you care by offering to help when you think they might be struggling. If, for example, your sister just had a baby and is feeling overwhelmed, offer to run her errands or make her a home-cooked meal so she can get some much-needed rest.

4. Have an attitude of gratitude

Showing appreciation can make people feel good about what they do. How you show gratitude could be as simple as sharing a kind word or as meaningful as writing a handwritten thank-you note for the influence they’ve had in your life. And expressing gratitude can remind both you and your loved one of the positive parts of your lives.

5. Celebrate success

When your loved one accomplishes a goal, be their own personal cheerleading squad. Take some time to celebrate their success and show interest in their life. No matter how you choose to celebrate — sending them a greeting card in the mail, taking them out to dinner, donating to a charity or cause that’s important to them in their name — the other person will feel empowered by your support.

6. Spend quality time together

Quality time is the moments you spend with your loved ones that make you both feel closer and more connected. It can be as simple as meeting for coffee, watching a favorite movie together, playing a board game, or even chatting on a video call. The activity itself doesn’t matter — what matters is how the time spent together makes you feel.

7. Just be there

Listen to someone vent, be a shoulder to cry on, or hold their hand if they’re going through a tough time.

Even if you don’t know the right words to say, by just being there, you let the other person know how much they matter to you. This is especially important if a loved one is struggling with a mental health issue like depression. You don’t need to be a doctor or therapist to offer support — listening with an open mind can help them feel understood. But if you ever do need guidance on what to say, we’re here to help.

So, take time to show you care. You’ll strengthen your relationships and give your loved ones — and yourself — a dose of good health.

Link: https://wisdomtea.org/2022/03/02/7-ways-to-show-someone-you-care

https://thrive.kaiserpermanente.org/thrive-together/live-well/7-ways-show-someone-care?wt.tsrc=email_pih&cat=2b&mkt_tok=NDkyLU5RVS0wMTQAAAGC4ceuIfNcgDhB0bhlqkuLs4Gz2EV4yFjpLQM6OS7XPjZv8gMoH7AyMhFgSUuYrQc9sLsKtiwFxhakVBNkmZ2L5UD4rhPsZ5jdMo68yw87vg