It has been several weeks since the announcement of the news that Namo Dorje Chang Buddha III and Fomu, Holy Mother the Great Mahasattva, have borne dark karmas for living beings and entered parinirvana. Since then I have gradually calmed down from the shock, sadness, sorrow, confusion and loss.
H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III and Fomu, Holy Mother the Great Mahasattva, set selfless, dedicated, and unsurpassed examples for us. The Buddha’s last words to Venerable Tsemeng Jiaozun so touched my heart: “….. When I said I would bear dark karma for living beings, those were not empty words. To bear dark karma is not to enter dhyāna, but rather, truly and continuously practice shifting the mind-consciousness to suffer on behalf of living beings. What Fomu and I said is what we do. At all times, we must think about bringing auspiciousness, serenity, happiness, and peace to living beings and to the world, to the extent of giving our all and even our lives. ….. I wish all living beings happiness.”
It has been more than ten years since I first heard the pre-recorded Buddha’s Dharma discourse. I have heard many discs, and I have also read the Dharma books written by H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, including “The Supreme and Unsurpassable Mahamudra of Liberation”, “Expounding the Absolute Truth through the Heart Sutra”, “Liaoyi Jing” and so on. But have I really put the Buddha’s teachings into practice? I seldom thought about to take on other person’s dark karma and sufferings. Even when my mother followed the evil master, escaped from the Buddha, and defamed H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, I did not think of taking on my mother’s guilt. How selfish I am compared to the Buddha.
In all the Dharma imparted by H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, the Buddha always emphasizes putting bodhicitta into practice: When there is a conflict of interest between myself and others, I will rid myself of hatred, antipathy, greed, and arrogant, disparaging mentality. I must not emphasize benefiting myself. I should treat myself and others equally. When other living beings and I are suffering, I want others to extricate themselves from suffering before I do. When other living beings and I are happy, I want others to be happier than I am. I dedicate to all living beings all of the merit and accomplishments from my cultivation in the hope that they will leave suffering and attain liberation.
I felt ashamed that I rarely put all these teachings in my daily practice. Most of the time I put myself at the first priority. I want to have good health, good fortune, and good luck — after I have all these I may share some with others.
When I recite The Supreme and Unsurpassable Mahamudra of Liberation, I realize I just did ritualistic chanting, making empty vows, engaging in visualization. I have always considered myself as a true Buddhist, now I realize that I deceived myself. In fact, I was a fake cultivator, I have not truly put Buddha’s principles into practice. I still have so many dark karmas: selfish thoughts, a mind of hatred, greed, jealousy, presumptuousness, arrogance, shamelessness, a mind that considers myself always in the right, a mind that deceives others. In this life time I have done so many wrongs. Here I sincerely repent of my sins, and vow to not commit to these sins again.
I am already in my fifties — how much longer can I live. I have no time to waste. Buddha has entered parinirvana. Impermanence may come to me at any time. I must follow the Buddha’s teachings truly and diligently. Every day I will introspect myself, asking myself how I should treat others when it comes to my words, how I should treat others when it comes to my mentality, and how I should treat others when it comes to my conduct. I must earnestly practice “the three daily introspections” — conducting three introspections in the course of a day. In the morning, introspect about how during the day I should act to become a purely good and compassionate person, a person who benefits the public. At midday, think back: “From morning until midday, did I have that kind of mindset and conduct?” At night, again think back: “From midday until night, did I have that kind of mindset and conduct? Are the things I did today truly reflective of the conduct, speech, and mindset of a Bodhisattva at the causal stage?”
Great compassionate Buddha and Fomu, Holy Mother the Great Mahasattva! Thank you greatly for using your life to sound the alarm of impermanence for me. And thank you greatly for using your life to bring Buddhist disciples the extraordinary cause and condition to study the Tathagata Dharma. I vow to use my own real actions to wash away my sins, and benefit all beings with compassion and pure goodness in order to repay Buddha’s grace!
Great compassionate Buddha and Fomu, Holy Mother the Great Mahasattva! I, a disciple, still want to hold on to a glimmer of hope and beg you all to return to the Saha world and give us foolish beings another chance!